I’m turning 37 in a couple hours and not afraid, but there is a lot to consider at this juncture in my life. Lets not get into the egg-freezing basket conversation with your gyno but, what am I wearing out tonight. I have my mania curbed with medication but that doesn’t mean that I can’t go for the old times. I’m 37 so what are we talking about….
Bring on the bright colors, the glitter, the eye shadow
I am supposed to take my mood stabilizer (Lamictal) twice a day. One pill in the morning and one and a half at night, but, sometimes I find myself cheating on my meds. I don’t use a pill cutter and when I go to take my half pill at night, I’ll bite a fourth off. I wonder if doing that is really going to make a difference in my mood. Well, not right away, but eventually, it does. You wouldn’t think biting off just a little less would cause an effect but it will. I don’t know if it is psychological or chemical, probably both, but I still do it once and awhile and know I am not the only one.
I call it Project Thunderstorm (P.T.) I am single, again, and ready to just do me. I had to put a title to it to get it going and ramp up. I went shopping for new clothes, took on some new writing projects, and P.T. was ready to go.
People ask me if I’ve ever been suicidal. And I laugh cause Bipolar II individuals, for the most part, are too arrogant to even consider the idea.
But, when I take a good look at my life.
And that is 100% ok. Sometimes the pressure to stay in shape and be fit can bog us down and impede our ability to listen to our bodies. Although it’s important to have a healthy workout regime, it is even more important to listen to the body and respect it. Your mind can push you over limitations that your body tries to voice which is something to be mindful off.
When I was a baby my mom said I didn’t sleep. I just sat in my curb waiting for the rest of the world to wake up. She would let me loose in the back yard to run around, actually crawl around, in an effort to help me sleep. If I exhausted myself with all my energy, maybe I’d have a normal night of rest. It didn’t work.
When I was going through puberty, same old thing. I would stare at the clock in terror that I had to get up to go to school and knew that I had little to no sleep and at some point in the day, I would crash in class and find a way to remain awake and alert.
Sometime when we go through bouts of depression we are prone to become isolative and ostracize ourselves from our friends and family. When this happens it can result in more stress which can feed your depression. Here are some tips to help curb the anxiety one can experience when attempting to manage depression when it comes to your loved ones.
Communicate: When you drop off the planet your loved ones will become concerned about the status of your mental health. It is important to be honest with your feelings. If you don’t feel like being social that’s okay. Just communicate those feelings.
When you’re bipolar
you feel it
across the breath of a conversation
you think it
all around your world
Again another year
Why are you still keeping me in
Is an untamed beast
A dragon you can’t slay
A heartbeat that rips through your chest
A tired eyeball