It has almost been over a week on my new antidepressant and it’s getting easier to open the pill box and take it. Not perfect, but I’m trying. I skipped a couple days which I know is bad but I waffled on taking the whole thing to begin with so I needed to take baby steps. However, this week I was more diligent about keeping a daily routine of taking them and did my best to fight the feel I get when I have to open the box. The stupidest thing I did was look up all the side effects. I prefer not to know.
Well, I started taking a new medication for depression. So far, so good, until bam, lunch with no hot sauce. I was at lunch with a new coworker and was trying to put hot sauce on my sandwich and my hands started shaking. Everyone at work knows I’m bipolar which causes me to be paranoid to begin with. Now I have new medication with new side effects. I quickly put my sandwich down and hoped that my coworker hadn’t noticed but, quite frankly, what would anyone say to me in that situation. I stared at the hot sauce and frowned.
The beast is back. I had a good run though, and I’m not sure how it happened. Well, that’s a lie. My environment hasn’t been the healthiest one. I keep running into my ex, which is terrible cause things did not end on the most amicable terms. I am really burned out at my job and have had other external factors to play into the beast. The beast: Depression.
I’ve spent the last couple weekends finding it hard to leave my bed. Not my place, my bed, which is way worse. I finally broke down and made the call to see my psychiatrist before our scheduled appointment.
A recent episode of ABC’S Scandal featuring the First Lady of the United States Millie Grant (played by Bellamy Young) showed the First Lady suffering severe depression. One scene entails her sitting at the White House in a robe, no makeup, no pearls, and eating fried chicken. She had previously exhibited odd behavior in earlier episodes, however, in this particular scene sheer depression took center stage in the plot line and the audience got a chance to see how even the wife of the President suffers from depression. It was refreshing. Most current political dramas lack a look into the sadness and struggles one undergoes when depression takes hold, however, here we have a woman enduring pain for multiple reasons.
Depression manifests itself in a variety of ways. Recently I have found myself sexually depressed and, although it has been a challenge for me, it has taught me that sexual depression is a real thing.
Here are 12 signs that you might be suffering from sexual depression:
Recently an article published at Co.Exist.com, a site that focuses on groundbreaking innovation, published an article entitled “An App To Diagnose Bipolar Mood Swings By How People Talk On The Phone.” It discusses a system that detects early signs of a bipolar patient slipping into a manic episode. After reading the article, I thought about how my voice on the phone during a manic episode, or during a depressive episode, would decipher whether or not I would reach out to my loved ones, or not. For me, when I was in a manic state I was more inclined to pick up the phone and ramble on and on about the on goings of my life.
We’re human, and we can’t blame a mental illness on outbursts of rage, irritability, or anything else for that matter.
Here is a list of things that peeve me, and any other “normal” person with a mental illness:
When, where, and why are you peeved?
A lot of us have been there. Breaking up is hard, and sometimes we lose sight of the reasons why we broke up to begin with. Here is a list of 15 reasons women have sex with their Ex:
Whatever reason it may be, don’t beat yourself up over it. It happened, you’re human, move on.
As seen on the Charlie Rose show, here is an excerpt about depression worthy of attention and discussion:
Now, what I would like them to look in the future is, I don’t know what antidepressant drugs he was on, if any, but I’m guessing he was and I think people need to look into that because I think sometimes the drugs are what cause you to want to kill yourself. I mean they say it right in the commercial. This may wanna make you kill yourself. (Maher)
We all have seen those commercials. Usually the “may cause such and such” comes at the end and is spoken really fast. What does that say about the pharmaceutical drug companies? They have to include side effects for medications but if they have nothing to hide then why hear a list of side effects spoken in such a rapid fashion. I think Maher is spot on with his insight and observation and only hope more people take time to think about this reality and what he has to say on this matter. If some medications may make you want to kill yourself why would you take the risk and allow that potential side effect to occur?
Next time you watch a commerical on the side effects of a medication, keep what Maher has to say on this topic in mind.
On a recent episode of the Charlie Rose show, featuring the comedian Bill Maher, Rose starts a conversation about how we’ve had two comedians die this past month (Robin Williams and Joan Rivers) and opens up a dialogue on depression:
Robin certainly I think that was a shock I think to everybody, even his close friends didn’t see that coming, and that’s because he was such a nice guy I think he didn’t want to burden people with it. I mean talk about a functioning depressive. Never late on the set, you know never threw a tantrum, never really let on what he was going through. (Maher)