Well, I guess the antidepressant is starting to work cause I made it out for the first time in a long time. Manic, no, but I ended up at a club by myself at a hip hop party. Awesome. I sat at the bar and took in the scene and the next thing I know I was dancing. Was anyone else dancing? No. But I got the party started. I didn’t even change from my work clothes before I decided to go out. I had on an orange top, black pants, and Michael Jackson shiny moonwalk shoes with white socks. I closed down the club. I went home and saw the clock and it was 2:30 in the morning. I don’t recall the last time A: I went out dancing and B: Went to bed past midnight. So I woke up at a reasonable hour and went to take my meds and the antidepressant stared me down.
It has almost been over a week on my new antidepressant and it’s getting easier to open the pill box and take it. Not perfect, but I’m trying. I skipped a couple days which I know is bad but I waffled on taking the whole thing to begin with so I needed to take baby steps. However, this week I was more diligent about keeping a daily routine of taking them and did my best to fight the feel I get when I have to open the box. The stupidest thing I did was look up all the side effects. I prefer not to know.
Well, I started taking a new medication for depression. So far, so good, until bam, lunch with no hot sauce. I was at lunch with a new coworker and was trying to put hot sauce on my sandwich and my hands started shaking. Everyone at work knows I’m bipolar which causes me to be paranoid to begin with. Now I have new medication with new side effects. I quickly put my sandwich down and hoped that my coworker hadn’t noticed but, quite frankly, what would anyone say to me in that situation. I stared at the hot sauce and frowned.
The beast is back. I had a good run though, and I’m not sure how it happened. Well, that’s a lie. My environment hasn’t been the healthiest one. I keep running into my ex, which is terrible cause things did not end on the most amicable terms. I am really burned out at my job and have had other external factors to play into the beast. The beast: Depression.
I’ve spent the last couple weekends finding it hard to leave my bed. Not my place, my bed, which is way worse. I finally broke down and made the call to see my psychiatrist before our scheduled appointment.
Depression manifests itself in a variety of ways. Recently I have found myself sexually depressed and, although it has been a challenge for me, it has taught me that sexual depression is a real thing.
Here are 12 signs that you might be suffering from sexual depression:
Recently an article published at Co.Exist.com, a site that focuses on groundbreaking innovation, published an article entitled “An App To Diagnose Bipolar Mood Swings By How People Talk On The Phone.” It discusses a system that detects early signs of a bipolar patient slipping into a manic episode. After reading the article, I thought about how my voice on the phone during a manic episode, or during a depressive episode, would decipher whether or not I would reach out to my loved ones, or not. For me, when I was in a manic state I was more inclined to pick up the phone and ramble on and on about the on goings of my life.
A lot of us have been there. Breaking up is hard, and sometimes we lose sight of the reasons why we broke up to begin with. Here is a list of 15 reasons women have sex with their Ex:
Whatever reason it may be, don’t beat yourself up over it. It happened, you’re human, move on.
On a recent episode of the Charlie Rose show, featuring the comedian Bill Maher, Rose starts a conversation about how we’ve had two comedians die this past month (Robin Williams and Joan Rivers) and opens up a dialogue on depression:
Robin certainly I think that was a shock I think to everybody, even his close friends didn’t see that coming, and that’s because he was such a nice guy I think he didn’t want to burden people with it. I mean talk about a functioning depressive. Never late on the set, you know never threw a tantrum, never really let on what he was going through. (Maher)
Going back to school can bring an array of emotions, one of which can be anxiety. When I was a child I had terrible anxiety when it was time to go back to school. Looking back I didn’t realize how many major, and minor instances, fed into my anxiety which I never voiced to my parents. I wish I knew more about my condition to better handle the stressors that accompanied a new year of school. Unfortunately, some children have anxiety about things they won’t voice to their parents. Here are some things to think about that may bring anxiety to your kids:
Growing up my dad had a saying “Don’t be afraid to say no when the others say go.” It stuck with me throughout my life yet sometimes in a manic state there is this tiny voice in my head that tells me to go. Recently I was in Boston for a wedding and was out having a good time. On the last night I found myself at a fork in the road. It was nearing midnight and I was either going to go back to my hotel, go to bed, and get up early to catch my plane or, I was going to continue on my wild journey throughout Boston.