Bipolar I Articles

Sweating the Big Stuff: 10 Things to consider when you find yourself in a sweat

Tuesday, January 20th, 2015

sweating

Most of us have heard the saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Rarely do we hear “Don’t sweat the big stuff”; it sounds like an oxymoron. I locked myself out of my apartment today. I was either going to call the building manager, or deal with it when I got home from work. Knowing that, I knew I would spend the day on and off thinking about the fact I didn’t have access to my place. Now is that big stuff, or small stuff?


It’s Hard to Go to Your Psychiatrist

Friday, January 9th, 2015

shutterstock_130134740It’s a hard thing, for me, to go to my psychiatrist. I know it’s coming on the calendar, and I dread it. I actually forget the date and have to call my psychiatrist and leave a message:

“Hey Dr. I think my appointment is on Thursday the 15th….at 2:30? If i’m wrong call me back, otherwise I’ll be there at that date and time.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left that message. I have a memory. I don’t forget my dentist appointment in three months. I don’t forget where I parked. I don’t forget long or short-term things, yet, I always manage to forget my appointment. And I’m straight up with my Doctor:

“I do not want to be here. Nothing personal, just don’t want to be here.”

It’s a lot of pressure to squeeze your mind into one session. Figure out what drugs work, or not. Figure out how you feel about yourself, your place, your job, your relationships, your family, your life. It’s a lot. Maybe that’s part of it. The feeling that I have to make sure I give up all the information I can to better my mental health; to better help my Doctor determine what’s best for me. It’s a lot of pressure.

But I do. And I feel better afterwards when I walk down the stairs out of the building. It’s a weird sensation.

You walk in terrible, and walk out better. But the next time I go through it all over again. I forget the time and day, I dread the drive there, I hate the sitting down and now spill it all out in a finite amount of time and hope that you say the right thing. Cause you can say anything. Maybe that’s the bizarre challenge.

It’s hard to go to your psychiatrist.

Woman at door image available from Shutterstock.


What I Learned From My Depression

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

Well, we are coming to the end of my depression series. It took a lot of strength to climb my way out of the cave. I can see the sun on the horizon, and thankfully, I finally feel better. It’s not completely over, or perfect, but I can reflect on the past few weeks to educate myself on what helped, and what didn’t. Everyone’s depression is unique, everyone’s coping skills are personal. Looking back here is what I learned from my depression:

Therapy: After years of fighting it, or being in denial about the need for professional help, I finally started working with a therapist and thus far, it has been an extraordinary experience. It has been eye opening in a way I never thought I would experience. I can’t believe it took me this long to take a step toward help. I always thought that I knew my issues, I just didn’t want to deal with them, but now I have a safe place and person I can trust and help walk me through understanding myself, and my behaviors. Therapy is going to be in my life period, and I am truly grateful for that.

Not Working Out: I stopped beating myself up for not working out as regularly as I used to, and initially I feared getting out of shape, or gaining weight, but the guilt that weighed on my shoulders only made my depression worse. I learned that it is okay to allow the body and mind to rest. I agree that working out is important to helping the mind handle depression but, if you can’t make yourself get to the gym, that is okay. Feeling bad about yourself for taking a break only exacerbates depression so don’t let your lack of your normal pattern of exercise get the best of you. Give yourself a rest and a break during hard times.


“The Doctor’s Note” Depression and your job

Thursday, December 11th, 2014

shutterstock_159284885I don’t know why they say, “Go to your doctor.” I’ve been in a hole the past week and need a doctors note to justify my absence at work which really isn’t happening and shows the stupidity of the modern age to expect someone with a mental illness to make it a doctor for a note.


Meditation: The Rosary in the Sauna

Friday, December 5th, 2014

shutterstock_126043553Meditation is hard. It takes discipline, time, and regularity. It takes a lot. I have always struggled with meditating. Even with my mood stabilizer, I’ve always had rushed thoughts that have made it hard for me to sit down, be still and chill. When I read about meditation and all the forms it entails I thought ok, I’ll pray as a form of meditation, cause although my mind won’t be blank, if I focus on Hail Mary’s, at least I’ll get a break from my normal storm of thoughts.

So where does this meditation take place? The sauna.


The Beast Is Back: Depression Part II

Friday, October 24th, 2014

shutterstock_200321435It has almost been over a week on my new antidepressant and it’s getting easier to open the pill box and take it. Not perfect, but I’m trying. I skipped a couple days which I know is bad but I waffled on taking the whole thing to begin with so I needed to take baby steps. However, this week I was more diligent about keeping a daily routine of taking them and did my best to fight the feel I get when I have to open the box. The stupidest thing I did was look up all the side effects. I prefer not to know.


Lunch With No Hot Sauce

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

shutterstock_78443332Well, I started taking a new medication for depression. So far, so good, until bam, lunch with no hot sauce. I was at lunch with a new coworker and was trying to put hot sauce on my sandwich and my hands started shaking. Everyone at work knows I’m bipolar which causes me to be paranoid to begin with. Now I have new medication with new side effects. I quickly put my sandwich down and hoped that my coworker hadn’t noticed but, quite frankly, what would anyone say to me in that situation. I stared at the hot sauce and frowned.


“An App To Diagnose Bipolar Mood Swings By How People Talk On The Phone”

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

shutterstock_194353091Recently an article published at Co.Exist.com, a site that focuses on groundbreaking innovation, published an article entitled “An App To Diagnose Bipolar Mood Swings By How People Talk On The Phone.” It discusses a system that detects early signs of a bipolar patient slipping into a manic episode. After reading the article, I thought about how my voice on the phone during a manic episode, or during a depressive episode, would decipher whether or not I would reach out to my loved ones, or not. For me, when I was in a manic state I was more inclined to pick up the phone and ramble on and on about the on goings of my life.


15 Reasons Why Women Have Sex With Their Ex

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

shutterstock_188213378A lot of us have been there. Breaking up is hard, and sometimes we lose sight of the reasons why we broke up to begin with.  Here is a list of 15 reasons women have sex with their Ex:

  1. Loneliness: You find it hard to be alone
  2. Nostalgia: You miss the good old days
  3. Arrogance: You look good, you’ve lost weight, look at me now!
  4. Revenge: Having sex to take revenge over a bad breakup makes you feel powerful
  5. Impulsivity: You don’t think through the ramifications of engaging in sex so act impulsive
  6. Closure: Your relationship didn’t end right and somehow you think one more roll in the sack will make things finalized
  7. Fear: You’ll never get a chance to have sex with him again
  8. Insecurity: You lack confidence in yourself so think sex will make you feel better
  9. Heightened sexuality: Your body physically yearns for sex
  10. Convenience: He lives close by which only makes it easy to slip
  11. Regret: You regret breaking up and think somehow sex is going to fix things and make things go back to normal
  12. Jealously: He starts seeing someone else and it makes you jealous enough to make you seek out sex
  13. Stupidity: You forget the reasons why you broke up and act stupid as a result
  14. Desperation: You are desperate for sex so do it without thinking it through
  15. Location: He’s in town from out of state and you’re only going to get a chance to see him once so why not do it one more time

Whatever reason it may be, don’t beat yourself up over it. It happened, you’re human, move on.

Couple in bed image available from Shutterstock.


Robin Williams & Charlie Rose

Thursday, August 14th, 2014

shutterstock_110420738Recently there was an episode on Charlie Rose honoring Robin Williams called “Robin Williams Appreciation.” I have never seen Charlie Rose interact with Robin Williams, until now. It was as if Rose became a comic with Williams, and they would banter back and forth as if their geniuses were able to engage in rare form. One particular exchange of dialogue struck a chord in me:

“There are a few people that can do what you do.” (Rose)

“You mean that are actually out of institutions?” (Williams)

People have called Williams a lot of things: a genius, crazy, absurd. However, this particular quote reveals insight into Williams feelings about people that are in institutions.  What is considered “crazy” in our society often times gets blurred.


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