It has almost been over a week on my new antidepressant and it’s getting easier to open the pill box and take it. Not perfect, but I’m trying. I skipped a couple days which I know is bad but I waffled on taking the whole thing to begin with so I needed to take baby steps. However, this week I was more diligent about keeping a daily routine of taking them and did my best to fight the feel I get when I have to open the box. The stupidest thing I did was look up all the side effects. I prefer not to know.
Well, I started taking a new medication for depression. So far, so good, until bam, lunch with no hot sauce. I was at lunch with a new coworker and was trying to put hot sauce on my sandwich and my hands started shaking. Everyone at work knows I’m bipolar which causes me to be paranoid to begin with. Now I have new medication with new side effects. I quickly put my sandwich down and hoped that my coworker hadn’t noticed but, quite frankly, what would anyone say to me in that situation. I stared at the hot sauce and frowned.
Recently an article published at Co.Exist.com, a site that focuses on groundbreaking innovation, published an article entitled “An App To Diagnose Bipolar Mood Swings By How People Talk On The Phone.” It discusses a system that detects early signs of a bipolar patient slipping into a manic episode. After reading the article, I thought about how my voice on the phone during a manic episode, or during a depressive episode, would decipher whether or not I would reach out to my loved ones, or not. For me, when I was in a manic state I was more inclined to pick up the phone and ramble on and on about the on goings of my life.
A lot of us have been there. Breaking up is hard, and sometimes we lose sight of the reasons why we broke up to begin with. Here is a list of 15 reasons women have sex with their Ex:
Whatever reason it may be, don’t beat yourself up over it. It happened, you’re human, move on.
Recently there was an episode on Charlie Rose honoring Robin Williams called “Robin Williams Appreciation.” I have never seen Charlie Rose interact with Robin Williams, until now. It was as if Rose became a comic with Williams, and they would banter back and forth as if their geniuses were able to engage in rare form. One particular exchange of dialogue struck a chord in me:
“There are a few people that can do what you do.” (Rose)
“You mean that are actually out of institutions?” (Williams)
People have called Williams a lot of things: a genius, crazy, absurd. However, this particular quote reveals insight into Williams feelings about people that are in institutions. What is considered “crazy” in our society often times gets blurred.
You know you have problems and you might be depressed when you are watching Sex and The City reruns (2008) and Beverly Hills 90201 reruns (2009). The numbers are not when anything aired but when I was lost in depression and watched it.
Depression rears its ugly head in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes our depression isn’t obvious. You don’t have to be stuck in bed for days to be considered depressed. Unfortunately we don’t always know we are in a quasi depression until it’s over, and we look back and recall the signs that we might have missed. Hind sight is always 20/20 but if you pay attention to slight changes in your behavior you might be able to better manage your mental health.
I was quasi depressed about a year ago. The quasi depression was written all over my body. I found myself wearing the same clothes everyday: torn jeans with a rotation of the same shirt just in different colors. I stopped keeping up with personal maintenance like waxing my eyebrows or plucking unwanted hairs.
Before I was diagnosed with hypomania I lived a life of extremism. I found myself running around like a Tasmanian devil, however, once I was diagnosed and properly medicated I really didn’t have excuses to do anything so excessively anymore. But, sometimes behavior doesn’t change despite medication to help curb symptoms. Does it come done to intensity that accompanies mania, or am I just exercising a behavior that is simply a part of my personality; a behavior that no pill can manage or reduce.
You are something or you have something. What is the difference and what does that mean to you and the world we live in? How do people respond to language that communicates a mental illness and what is the difference between you are X or you have X? For example, I am diagnosed with Bipolar II. Some people say “Oh you have manic depression” or “Oh you are manic depressive.” Recently, I pondered this slight twist of diction in a sentence because there is a difference. When someone says you ARE something it tends to define you. You tend to think of yourself as the disease when really it is simply one aspect amongst a long list of attributes that constitute our being.
Whether it is big or small, most of us experience anxiety. It can be a long dark anxious cloud or a short moment of piercing anxiousness but, whatever form it takes, it’s terrible.
Here are 20 things that cause me anxiety:
What causes you anxiety?
Anxious man image available from Shutterstock.