As a Bipolar II individual, I know I will always have poor sleep behaviors. Recently, I’ve developed a pattern that exacerbates this ongoing reality: Working Out.
Every night I set my alarm to 6:00 am. Somewhere around 1 am I wake up and start to stress over whether or not I am actually going to get up and work out. I find myself what I call, float sleeping, where I am kinda asleep and kinda awake and every hour that reaches that 6:00 am mark causes me stress that shortens my sleep from 1 am to 6:00 am. My inability to be firm in my decision fuels an anxiety that I already have prevalent in my life with my condition, so in essence, I am contributing to this anxiety, I am creating such anxiety, I foster this anxiety.
So what can I do? It appears to be an easy solution. Decide for sure before I go to bed if I plan to get up and work out. The whole “I’ll see how I feel” doesn’t cut it cause when I wake up at 1 am of course I am going to work out. I have five more hours to rest so will be ready.
But then I can’t get back to sleep. 1 am turns to 2 am and I think, shut, I only have four more hours to rest, is that enough sleep to get through the work day? Should I skip the workout for the extra hour I just missed stressing over my decision? Once 5:00 am approaches, forget about it. I haven’t slept, I’m already up, and so what’s the point in staying in bed. I’ll just go work out.
I’ll go workout with hardly any sleep due to my own inability to control my anxiety throughout the night and find a way to deal. Working out is supposed to curb anxiety, not instigate it, so now it is my turn to find tools to not go through the tug and pull of am I going to work out or not?!
Simple Solution: I’ll work out at night. I’d rather have it hang over my head all day, then hang over my bed at night.
Sleepless woman photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 30 Jan 2013