behind closed doorsYou never know what goes on behind closed doors of a relationship.  I always keep that in mind when I see a friend or family member in a relationship that doesn’t seem right; a couple that doesn’t seem to be a good fit.  When I catch myself judging a relationship from the outside I remind myself that there is a relationship between a couple on the inside that I know nothing about.  Whenever I used to bring up problems I witnessed in a relationship with someone I cared about, often times it was always met with a negative response.  It turned into a bad idea and I learned the hard why when to keep my mouth shut.

Sharing your opinions on relationships with a friend may result in anger, hurt and unnecessary pain which can result in your friend slowly becoming withdrawn, isolated, and alone in their relationship.

When things on the inside of your relationship aren’t healthy, it is important to evaluate what goes on behind your closed doors to make sure you are happy in your choice of a partner. Often times we find ourselves trapped in our inside relationship, especially when our friends or family members disapprove.  You don’t want to validate their concerns or hesitations so end up isolated in your world.

Here are some guidelines to consider when you take a close look at your inside relationship:

Truth or Lies – Do you lie to outsiders about the amount of time you spend with your partner?  If you find yourself flat out lying to your immediate circle of friends or family, or find yourself making excuses for lying about where you’ve been or what you’ve been up to when conversing with your outsiders, that is a red flag that your private relationship on the inside is in trouble. Ask yourself, what is there to lie about and why do I feel the need to hide?

Are you open or guarded – Are you guarded when it comes to talking with your loved ones about issues in your relationship?  Sometimes we build a wall of defense to validate our choice to be in a relationship which results in a hard shell that detaches you from your friends, and yourself. If you feel yourself becoming defensive when outsiders express concern, you might want to take a deep look at the root of that defense.  Why do you feel such emotions?

Security or Insecurity – Do you feel confident in yourself and in your relationship?  Chances are if you are withholding information from outsiders something’s not right.  Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you feel self-assured in your partner, and in yourself.  Sometimes behind closed doors we become insecure with the strength of our relationships and end up dealing with those insecurities alone.  However, your insecurities are a sign that maybe it’s time to pull the plug.  A relationship that lacks personal confidence and the inability to share your stresses with your outsiders only brings a person down, and results in a slow deterioration of the self and your ability to be social. How much has your social life changed since you started your relationship?  Where are you now?

Bottom line:  If you don’t feel comfortable talking with your friends about what goes on behind the closed doors of your relationship you might have some issues to address on what’s going on inside. We all deserve privacy with our partners, but when you have troubles like the ones listed above that we don’t voice, we only end up alone in our plight with no one to turn to for help, or advice.

It is your right to keep what goes on behind closed doors private but, when it becomes harmful to yourself and you slowly find yourself pulling away from your outsiders it is time to consider breaking out.  Pull the plug before you find yourself in a downward spiral that results in isolation, hopelessness and an end to healthy socialization with your friends, and loved ones.

Front door photo available from Shutterstock

 


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    Last reviewed: 4 Oct 2012

APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2012). 4 Signs It’s Time to Pull the Plug On Your Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 22, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2012/10/03/what-goes-on-behind-your-closed-doors-signs-it-is-time-to-pull-the-plug-on-your-insider-relationship/

 

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