Archives for August, 2012

Bipolar I

Anxiety: The Devil

Facebook, texting, twitter and emails are all the devil to people that are drunk, impulsive or anxious.

Anxious is probably the worst, period.

I get a rage in my insides to respond or write something that I know I won’t mean the next day or after that hangover or after that manic episode, by then and it's too late. Any electronic viral beast is just that: A beast.  Hide your equipment when you’ve...
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Truth Be Told, PLEASE

My book, "Inside the Insane," caused a scene in Los Angeles County when it first came out.  I was immediately escorted out of my job at the hospital and served papers which said I was under investigation for publishing my book and conducting myself in “inappropriate behavior.”  For what?

For telling my truth.  My truth.  We all have a different idea or concept of truth, which is great, but only if we use that truth toward bettering society.

Upon catching wind of my book, the county banned me from speaking to anyone from the Department of Mental Health (DMH) or the Department of Health Services (DHS) and moved me to the basement at headquarters to do data entry.  OK.

John Stuart Mill “On Liberty”

“Truth, in the great practical concerns of life, is so much of a question of the reconciling and combining of opposites that very few have minds sufficiently impartial to make the adjustment with an approach to correctness, and it has to be made by the rough process of a struggle between combatants fighting under hostile banners.”  (1859)

I believe truth has lost its voice in our culture, specifically when discussing the mentally ill. 
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Coping Skills

Don’t Be Mad At Me: The Reality of the Female Psyche Today

Women cannot have it all.  This is a fact.  In many ways the feminist movement bit women 'cause we rallied for equality when, simply put, men and women are not equal.

The “modern woman” is faced with a double-edged sword.  We need to have a career to land a man than once we’re married, we’re supposed to drop everything and have a family.  Women spend thousands of dollars ensuring they are marketable to men by having high educations and flourishing careers, then have to ditch that profession to raise a family.  And women who don’t want to work and just want to raise a family are frowned upon by our culture.

What does this mean to the female human psyche?
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Bipolar I

Bipolar II Sense of Time – Slow Motion

I’ll never forget the first time I took medication and woke up.  It was 6:00AM.  I jumped in my car and immediately drove to my best friend’s house in the hills.  I exploded into her room, fueled by excitement that I had never experienced straight out of bed in the morning.  Ever.

“I woke up normal.”

My friend rose from her heavy sleep and smiled. “That’s awesome.”

“No, really, is this how people wake up?  Like, rested?”

“Yeah!  I told you you should have gotten help.  I’m so happy for you.”

“Happy isn’t even the word for it.”
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Bipolar I

Bipolar II – A Manic IN Depression

It has been my experience that when you’re hypo-manic, you really don’t get depressed -- at least not the kind of depression Bipolar I individuals may experience.

But, it has also been my experience that in a heightened state of mania there is a depression in the eye of the storm.

Before I got help I was a whirling Tasmanian devil.  I was on fire, reckless, self destructive and flat out wild.  Looking back...
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Naked Mania – Whipping “It” Out

Ok.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve alllll been naked.  Most of us are embarrassed to be seen nude.  I’m not.  I’ve never been, BUT there are some times where I could have kept my clothes on.  Did I need to take off my clothes in the middle of Sky bar on Sunset to go for a dip in the pool, in the middle of a party?  No.  But I did.  I didn’t even think twice about it.

When you’re manic you just go.  You are a doer.  You will not be told what to do so other people shouldn't bother.  Especially a Bipolar II Chronic Hypo-manic individual.  Those clothes are OFF.

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Depression and Clothes

I went to an all girls catholic high school, which means one thing: uniforms.  I loved uniforms.  I may have been the only person in my class who actually liked wearing the same shirt and skirt every day.

On the weekends I was faced with my real clothes.  I would go to parties and all the girls wore their weekend uniform: black, tight and short.  We had beepers back then, so having a beeper was very in, too.  So were organizers, which I never really understood ,and last but not least, a bottle of water.  Why we felt the need to hull around a bottle of water everywhere I don’t know, but most of us did.  Gucci and water went hand in hand.

I never really fit into the party style scene.  I felt like it was fake to dress for the guys so wore regular street clothes.  It wasn’t until college that I started making my own style. 
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“You’re such a SPAZ!!” Bipolar II & Freedom of Speech

“It’s not my fault the world is in slow motion.”

“You are such a spaz!”

Pick any one of my friends and they’ve all said that to me.  Multiple times in my life.

I’ve always had a quick mouth to match my fast mind.  Chronic hypo-mania lives in a body built on speed.  You walk fast, think fast, move fast and your speech can be one major indication of potentially having a mental illness like Bipolar II.

Often times your rapid speech can be mistaken for ADD or ADHD, and a lot of psychiatrists might throw that diagnosis out there before Bipolar II.  As a culture, we tend to over-diagnose children with ADD or ADHD, and it can be harmful when a person may be suffering with Bipolar II 'cause there is a HUGE difference.
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General

Bipolar II: “I’m OUTTA Here”

“I’m outta here.”

And that’s what I would do.  When I was out with my friends at some party, bar, anywhere. When I heard the voice in my head saying I’m outta here, I was out.  And I’m not one of the “oh goodbye see you soon," or, "good seeing you,”  blah, blah.

“Just tell us next time you bolt. I worry.”  My best friend was serious.

“Don’t worry.  I’m sorry. Sometimes I...
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