It is ridiculous sometimes the games we play in the dance of love.  It can be particularly hard when we enter a new relationship.  Sometimes it’s almost like we regress to high school and the games are hard to figure out, and you play your own set of mind game with yourself in an effort to navigate your way through the maze. How soon after meeting a new person or after a first date do you call him or her?  Is a text better than an email or a phone call?  What about Facebook.  Do you send a friend request? There are an abundance of questions and approaches to getting through the early stages of building a relationship with someone.  And unfortunately there are no real answers on how to make the right or wrong move when getting to know someone, finding love, and keeping it.

We’ve all been there.  And, it’s enough to drive anyone crazy.

POEM: CRAZY GAMES

What if I don’t call him?

And see how long it takes

For him to call me.

How come not calling him

Makes him call me?

Continue reading… »

The old saying goes “Misery Loves Company” and I find this aphorism to be true when it comes to food.  Some people feel better about themselves if they engage in poor decisions around food if others get onboard. Sounds crazy, but it happens all the time.  Let’s take, for example, the community kitchen at work.

Work: Pushing food can happen a lot around the work place. For example, “Donuts everyone!” and someone brings a dozen donuts for the office, and you might be frowned upon for not participating. People feel better having a “no-no” food for breakfast if they have someone else to share in it.  It makes them feel better so now you are in a situation where they might push food on you.

Pushing Food: “Have a donut.” And you decline. “Come on, they’re fresh, don’t you want any?” And that answer can be met with a frown.  Now that co-worker feels guilty for eating the donut, and his or her disappointment in having no one to eat something “bad” first thing in the morning can cause bitterness.  But you are not the problem.  You might feel like you are the bad guy for not engulfing 200 unnecessary calories when really it is the person on the other end that has the problem. Let their drama go.

Pressure:  Peer pressure goes way back to our childhood.  Sometimes when everyone is partaking in a cake sitting in the kitchen, you’ll get a band wagon effect that can result in pressure by your peers, or a roll of the eye. “She’s so Atkins.”  Or, “You’re no fun.”  Why?  Cause I don’t want to wolf down a bagel slapped in cream cheese before I even check my email?”  Ah, no.

Continue reading… »

The uncertainty

Hits below the belt

Under the surface

Of yourself.

Whether it’s your relationship

Or your professional life

However it unfolds.

It’s the uncertainties of the plot of

Your life

That makes us move forward

As we doubt

We keep going.

SAHD’s are appalled, shaken, and verbally heated, about my message on the stay at home dad.

I let the comments fly, cause everyone has a right to their opinion.

Thinking deeper…

We put certain judgements on a parent, male or female, that stays home with the kids.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2013/05/14/the-stay-at-home-dad-let-the-double-standard-continue/

I skipped my psychiatrist appointment today.  Well, I rescheduled it. My relationship with my shrink is hard to figure out. I hate going there, but feel better when I leave.  He’s not my therapist, he’s my med patroller.  So, I don’t have to get into the ugly dirty stuff, but it bleeds out here and there during our sessions.  Sometimes he’s like my psychotherapist.

So, I ditched the appointment and was driving with my significant other and thought, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know I skipped my appointment, why should he.  Should he?

No, cause he doesn’t know what’s up, or, why I decided I didn’t want to go so, there’s nothing to report. 

Continue reading… »

A recent article published on Yahoo Health has caused some major controversy in the mental health field.  The article titled, “DSM-5: Will Millions More Americans be Diagnosed with Mental Illness?” discusses, in a nutshell, the following:

The impending publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5) has kindled fiery debate about whether Americans are being vastly over-diagnosed with mental illness or if Americans are psychologically sicker than they used to be.

The new “bible” of psychiatric diagnoses, which will be released later this month, includes new disorders relating to grief, childhood temper tantrums, binge eating, PMS, and painful sex (now called genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder), among others. It has also changed how existing conditions—including oft-polarizing ADHD and autism—are diagnosed.

According to the new definitions the DSM-5 uses, some experts predict about 50 percent of U.S. citizens could be diagnosed as “mentally ill” at some point during their lifetime.

Experts and organizations have given their two cents on the whole thing, but I am interested in the viewpoints and stories of people who have actually grabbled with their mental illness. When I published my tell all book, “Inside the Insane” about treatment of the mentally ill in LA County hospitals, a lot of people were not happy with my insight, and said I wasn’t a “clinician” so my views were not valid. Ah, no.  Try living with a disease and experiencing it firsthand.  You can’t get that insight out of a textbook ok.

Continue reading… »

There are months that we can go through depression, and, days in those months that can hit harder than others.  In my experiences of episodes of depression, I have been able to track my depression by following the seasons.  Winter always seemed to plunge me into a depressive state, and within that episode there are days that are worse than others. But, if you can try and track how seasons affect your mood, you might have a better chance of preparing for it, and treating it more efficiently.

Here are two examples of times I was stuck in a seasonal depression with days that highlighted my state of mind. 

 Poem: DECEMBER

I don’t want to leave my bed

Because I don’t want to dress

I’m not happy with my body

I don’t shop

Don’t want to enter a room with florescent mirrors

Deep ascension into a deeper cycle of self

Continue reading… »

There is a reason it was called “Sex and the City” and was based in NYC.  Before my diagnosis of chronic hypo mania aka Bipolar II, I was not a sex addict per say, but definitely engaged in maniacal sex. Living in a city like New York, coupled with hyper sexuality, resulted in maniacal sexual behavior.  Not good, but I refer to it as the roaring twenties, since I wasn’t diagnosed and treated until my late twenties.

I’m not ashamed of my previous lifestyle cause I was sick in my disease, however, looking back there were signs of maniacal sexual habits that could have helped me get help much sooner than later.

Here are 5 signs to consider that you might be engaging in maniacal sex:

1. One Night Stands – You wake up in bed with someone you barely know. 
2. Patterns – The amount of sex you engage in mirrors your mood.  So, if you are experiencing a manic episode, expect to find yourself engaging in acts of maniacal sex which, if you recognize during your episode, you can try and slow it down a bit.
3. Dates – You date multiple people at once, and have trouble committing to one person.

   Continue reading… »

Women have been met with double standards for a long time.  They are expected to have a career and be a super mom, and seem to have a harder problem finding a mate unless they are double degreed and can cough up a decent income yet, are expected to drop everything when they get married and start a family.

Now, we seem to have a whole new double standard among us.  The Stay at Home Dad aka SAHD.  No problem! That’s awesome!  You are so great to stay at home with your kids!

But wait, women that want to be a stay at home mom are frowned upon?  Yes, in most cases they are.  Just like the double standard women face to be a supermom and have a successful career, women are not given the same reaction and attitude that a stay at home man seems to enjoy.

Why is that?  How is it possible that we celebrate STHD’s and sing a different tune when it comes to STHM’s?

Maybe all these double standards started with our patriarchal society, and somehow we never managed to free ourselves of that ideology so, opinions are still implemented and carried out by men so, of course if a man wants to stay home it’s alright. It’s welcomed.

Continue reading… »

When we start a new relationship, we can encounter bumps in the road.  When things are fresh and new, sometimes we have a hard time managing issues that arise, so, we don’t make sound decisions that normally we would.  This can put us in a bad spot when we do come to our senses about things and now have a choice to make: Do we dig up the past, and communicate our feelings that were not expressed at the time, or, do we just let the past be the past, and move forward knowing from now on we’ll do our best to express ourselves when issues arise?  Is there such a thing as take backs in relationships?

When hindsight is 20/20 do we revisit those bumps, or just let it be?

It’s complicated. I suppose if we can’t mentally move forward without addressing problems in the past, then we have no choice but to address those concerns.  So it comes down to how much are you mentally obsessing over the past, and if it’s impeding your ability to be in an honest relationship, you might just have to clean up the past so you can move forward free from mental exhaustion.

Your mind will be the barometer of what you can take, and will  be the ultimate decider.

Couple on couch image available from Shutterstock.