“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it”.  This is one of my favorite quotes from Alice In Wonderland.  It is a very special quote because it rings true in several areas of my life.

As a therapist I don’t really give advice.  I like to think that I work as a guide to help people discover positive solutions and make the best decisions for themselves.  My motto is to “help people help themselves”.  Sometimes I think it would be nice if I could help me help myself.

I recently read Alice in Wonderland again, and afterwards watched the Disney version of the movie.  If you’ve never watched it, I would suggest it.  If you can move past the drug references in the movie including the hookah-smoking Caterpillar, Alice eating mushrooms and chasing the White Rabbit, and what many would describe as psychedelic trips – there are quite a few lessons to be learned.   Here are my favorites.

I was convinced I was dying.  As a matter of fact, there was no way you could convince me otherwise.  Oddly I accepted my fate and whispered to my husband “call 911, I’m dying”.  I was sweating profusely, I could feel my heartbeat in my neck and my pulse echoed in my ears.  I couldn’t breathe, my face felt weird, my hands were numb, and I was shaking like a leaf.  EMS arrived and tried with all their might to convince me I wasn’t dying, but I was convinced they just wanted me to die peacefully without a fight.  After some deep breathing and close monitoring I realized I wasn’t dying and was told I had an anxiety attack. 

A few months ago a very good friend of mine said to me, “the majority of your frustrations are due to your unrealistic expectations.”  I didn’t know how to feel about her statement.  There I sat venting to her about the frustrations of my life, waiting for her to co-sign on my misery, and that’s what she gave me.  I have to admit that it stung a little, but I slowly began to realize it was the truth.

My parents taught me to follow the Golden Rule – to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.  This is something that followed me into my adult life.  The funny thing is that I missed a very important piece.  The rule is do unto others AS you would have them to do unto you.  The reality is that you don’t always get what you give.

Earlier this week I wrote and entry about reasons we procrastinate and negative consequences.  As promised this entry contains tips for ways to stop procrastinating.  In writing this I thought of what helps me when I  am tempted to revert back to procrastination.  Believe me,  I am tempted as procrastinating seems like the better option when I’m overwhelmed.  However, I know this is not the truth and I am a true believer that procrastination creates a ton of unnecesary stress, even if it feels good in the moment.   Who needs more stress?  If you struggle with putting things on the back burner until the last minute, here are a few tips to get you headed in a different direction.

I have to admit, I used to live by the motto: “Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow?” Honestly, I still find myself thinking this way from time to time.  American aphorist Mason Cooley stated, “procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder”.  So why do we procrastinate?

For those of us who procrastinate, we may often find that in doing so, we create unnecessary obstacles.  We find ourselves racing to meet deadlines, trying to find resources at the last minute, and struggling to complete tasks. Many of us hold the belief that we work better under pressure.  While this belief may be true in some cases, it often creates more stress.

We have all experienced a moment where we have been approached by a friend, co-worker, or maybe even a spouse and asked to do something we really didn’t feel like doing.   We’ve also had those moments where instead of saying no, we’ve smiled and responded with the dreaded “yes”.  So why do we have difficulties telling others no when we don’t feel like doing something? 

The Golden Rule Effect

Many of us were instructed at a very young age to “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you”.  Sometimes we may avoid telling someone no because we would want them to tell us yes.

Fear of a Missed Opportunity