It has been 13 months since I have had to crawl out of the terrifying hole that is depression. Some say a depressive “episode”…Well that was one long episode!
It was nearly 2 years worth of episode and as so many of you know, a minute feels like an hour – and hour feels like a day – a day, like a month, a month like a year. When you have depression, that is.
In my life, I’ve had 5 major episodes. And they were both different but alike at the same time.
Same ol’ Gremlins sitting on the edge of the bed as I lay beneath the covers…”You should be happy. Look at all you have. So after you do __________ then you’ll be happy. But it’s too much. You can’t do it. What’s the point anyway?” Over and over and OVER and over again I’ve had that old familiar discussion.
And then it happened. Driving back to Boston from Philly on Thanksgiving 2010. Sitting in traffic on the George Washington bridge, over the Hudson River, thinking about Scully.
I became aware of a sensation. The sensation of light..of levity…of hope. I felt that indescribable feeling; the one right before you cry? And I did. It was an amazing moment in my life. One of those moments that you will never, ever forget.
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Lila
9:13 am on
February 2nd, 2012Wow. It was so good to read that someone else had such a long period of depression, and that it had recurred so often over time. I just thought that I was one of the hopeless ones. At age 59, I was finally treated with Lamictal, after years of antidepressant “trials” since age 18. It has helped lift me out of the heaviness, and the “month long hour” as you say. I am beginning to crawl out of this hole after about two years, and have been berating myself all along for not “getting on with life”. So many people, most people, don’t seem to get it. Thank you for writing this!
Leslie Hull
8:28 am on
February 3rd, 2012You are most welcome! That was also on piece of the treatment that worked for me. Keep pushing thru Lila!!
I am glad you are feeling better! Keep up the great work. You are not alone 
We shall get those gremlins!
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