I spent this past weekend with friends in Pennsylvania; it was the usual comforting, warm and laughter filled time we have each and every visit. One night we sat under a tent, the humid rain-filled world around us, as we clinked wine glasses and shared secrets. That’s what girlfriends do. Even in mid-life (as they say), that’s what we do. That’s how we roll.
Tears immediately filled my eyes as I was overcome with gratitude; it was the same feeling I experience when I know someone has read my writing and it was meaningful to them.
What I didn’t expect to hear was this:
“Oh and by the way Les, you’re not broken”.
And there it was – and now I was really trying to hold back the tears. We talked a little bit and I creatively changed the subject to get the spotlight off me, but the validation and reassurance I got from my girls was priceless.
I truly believe that my feelings of brokenness come largely from what I see in the world; how I think I should be and what I think I should be doing. I’m aware enough to know things are usually not how they appear, and to be careful what you wish for!
But at 48, I just wish I fit in a tiny bit more; I wish I was a just a little bit more mainstream.
I’m mostly OK with the place I’m in now and have plans! I truly miss being in a relationship but needed some time to heal from the last one and this year, I’ve been more focused on creating a family, not dating.
When one is in the throws of a depressive episode, it’s nearly impossible not to feel broken! And I figure that’s pretty normal thinking for distorted thinking time!
So, my broken may not = others definitions but I want people to see that having any kind of mental or emotional illness does not = broken. No, rather it =’s courage. And with courage comes a badge.
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Last reviewed: 16 Sep 2012