It has been 13 months since I have had to crawl out of the terrifying hole that is depression. Some say a depressive “episode”…Well that was one long episode!
It was nearly 2 years worth of episode and as so many of you know, a minute feels like an hour – and hour feels like a day – a day, like a month, a month like a year. When you have depression, that is.
In my life, I’ve had 5 major episodes. And they were both different but alike at the same time.
Same ol’ Gremlins sitting on the edge of the bed as I lay beneath the covers…”You should be happy. Look at all you have. So after you do __________ then you’ll be happy. But it’s too much. You can’t do it. What’s the point anyway?” Over and over and OVER and over again I’ve had that old familiar discussion.
And then it happened. Driving back to Boston from Philly on Thanksgiving 2010. Sitting in traffic on the George Washington bridge, over the Hudson River, thinking about Scully.
I became aware of a sensation. The sensation of light..of levity…of hope. I felt that indescribable feeling; the one right before you cry? And I did. It was an amazing moment in my life. One of those moments that you will never, ever forget.