Who' gonna run this town tonight.

In February of 2010, I wrote, out loud, about my bipolar.

After the article was posted in World of Psychology, I thought of changing my name and entering a convent but there’s that silly little rule about a vow of celibacy.

I googled, frantically  trying to identify a disorder for someone who feels the pull to lie ; claiming to be afflicted with a mental health disorder in order to get their writing published! Surely there must be a DSM code for that, right? Mental health hypochandria?

Even better, I would feign innocence. I’ve never met a person who accidentally sent an e-mail or photo to an unintended recipient that didn’tsay “I’ve been hacked!!”  OK, sounds good.

What? That’s not my picture on Psych Central! I’ve been hacked!… It’s the wrong Leslie Hull.” 

Ultimately, writing that article taught me many things and by it being published, it hopefully taught many others.

Slowly but surely, I began the complicated process of pulling back the layers.  One by one, I allowed people into  my world. I received everything from demonstrations of unconditional love to that look on someone’s face when they are wondering if they are being Punked while quickly scanning the room for hidden cameras or Ashton Kutcher.

It was hard at first to be open. I still  carefully choose who I will reveal myself to…who I know won’t judge me and are emotionally plugged in enough to be knowledgeable about my disorder.

Countless times I’ve witnessed people poke fun of others,  referring to them as Bipolar or Manic Depressive and though I act as though  it doesn’t bother me, it often  hurts me but more often angers me.

I have fantasies of ending the conversation with the revelation of my disease  and showing them what Bipolar looks like while they show me their embarrassment.

Because of people talking about mental health  issues, many more are finally knowledgeable about disease. And though I criticise the media for their often broad, overuse of the term, I am delighted that it’s out there!

I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I was properly diagnosed that cold, grey day for it saved my life.

And so I began the journey of tiptoeing out from the shadows and in doing so I claimed my Light, Laughter and my Life.

Creative Commons License photo credit: Christian Johnstone



View Comments / Leave a Comment

This post currently has 4 comments.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

    Last reviewed: 10 Oct 2011

APA Reference
Hull, L. (2011). Mental Health Day: Out From The Shadows. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 28, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/laughter/2011/10/mental-health-day-out-from-the-shadows/



Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • zalbar: You have to ASK for help. *Any* of my friends – including those I am not close to – would jump at...
  • ScottL: Hi Leslie, I’ve been dx’d with MDD and ADHD for years. I finally saw a doc and was dx’d...
  • Charly: I’m living by myself for a while, which would be fine but I have several chronic illnesses and...
  • Victor: My wife is lack so much in maturity I often feel like a single parent. But my gratitude list, my children...
  • Kara Ayers: Congratulations! This sounds like such a fun adventure and I cannot wait to read:) I have a 2.5 year old...
Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code

Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!