Archives for September, 2011
I would like to think I'm normal. I'd like to think I'm plain vanilla, Midwest nice - boring! Yes, boring might be fun (yawn), but the reality is that with the exception of "nice," I'm probably none of those things, at least not on any consistent basis. I am a woman who has an ongoing love/hate relationship with ADD and a fondness/dislike with her bipoliarity. Gee, what else do I feel like tossing in there.... If you look over the edge along which I skate you'll see things I could easily fall into the grasps of...depression...hypo-mania...addiction...reckless behavior...a virtual playground of danger. There are days when to skate inland into safer territory seems uphill and on a quite slippery slope. Then there are other days that peeping over the edge just seems like it's never going to be enough.
I've never been big on doing things the "normal" way. If I did, I wouldn't live my life skating blissfully along the edge. Like some curious bystander, I've witnessed the engagements - wedding showers - bachelorette parties - weddings (I gave up counting bridesmaid dresses) - baby showers - births - second children - third and so on and so forth. Guess what? MY TURN! But why on earth would I take my turns in an orderly fashion? You know me better than that! So, to those who follow the bouncing ball of my dating escapades, fear not! You'll be happy to know that those will most certainly continue.
When you are told that a loved one has cancer, you can almost hear the tires as your life comes to a screeching halt. Time stands still, everything moves in slow motion. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you’re telling me. I don’t understand.” And that about sums up my reaction. I think, in many ways, my life since my loved one’s diagnosis, if I am not careful, could head to a place that isn't all that good. I live my life, skating along the edge. What most people take for granted, I often have to work very hard for and sometimes even struggle for. In the recent past, I have partied too much, slept too much, stayed up too much and stayed out late too much and have done something, anything and everything to avoid having to feel.