South of the Borderline

Borderline Personality Disorder

They say the the only way to know your diagnosis is to KNOW your diagnosis! Sounds like double talk to me… Or does it?

We sometimes rely on other people to tell us what we are suffering from.  True, it’s based on a flawed science.  Getting the right diagnosis sometimes can take years, all the while you’re at the mercy of your therapist’s opinion.  Taking all types of medications to prove his theory right or wrong.  I say his, because I’m really talking about MINE…my med manager. 

See where I live, there is only one place I can go to get my behavioral health needs… It’s not about finding the best doctor to help us here.  It’s finding a doctor or provider to help the  insurances-less.  It’s estimated over 5000 clients use the services in my small town, so the only time you get attention is when you’re in crisis… Then, you are a person that has to be handled.  O.K, maybe that is just my opinion.  I know there are a lot of people where I go that are doing more then going through the motions.

I do think my med manager  is not one of them… But he is the only med manager there. One day, I bought up the subject of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and he dismissed me and my question. I showed what I printed out from NIMI about the subjet:

Borderline personality disorder(BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual’s sense of self-identity.

Originally thought to be at the “borderline” of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.¹ There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.^2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.⁴ Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.

He simply said you’re not BPD, you’re Bipolar…  It’s like I’m a hypochondriac.

I never bring up different disorders but his lack of interest in reviewing the diagnosis really pissed me off.  I understand there is a lot more to BPD, but sometimes I feel my bipolar diagnosis does not really fit my me.  I understand the major depression diagnosis, that was easy to see, but the intensity of my other moods, the suicidal ideation, the all or nothing attitude, obsessing over control on my life and family.  And the inner rage… Well, I could go on and on… But I don’t think it can all be solved with cognitive therapy. That was the answer I got from my therapist.

Today, I lack the understand to understand anything.  I feel like a drone; take my pills and wait to take my next dose.

Comments

This post currently has 4 comments/trackbacks.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks

No trackbacks yet to this post.

    Last reviewed: 10 Jan 2011