How To Love Better
To a great degree, we can. And we do this by learning to speak to each other in a different way—a whole new conversation. If we can learn to communicate with those we love—with the same kindness and honesty that we would appreciate receiving—we can create relationships that we enjoy most of the time—ones we’ll want to grow old with.
Why Do We Hurt Each Other?
Generally, it’s in our most intimate relationships that our deepest insecurities can arise. And so, it’s often those we love the most who suffer the worst effects of our insecurities. But when differences pop up—which stimulate our insecurities— what if we could just disagree without being offended or taking it personally? That’s a lot to ask of ourselves, isn’t it?
But, It’s Possible To Stop Taking Things Personally If . . .
- We learn to give each other the freedom to be ourselves, not a carbon copy of each other—let you be you and me be me.
- We learn to use language in a way that helps us take responsibility for our perceptions and encourages us to stop fighting over different perspectives.
- We cultivate a sense of humor
Once we really understand how to do this, we free ourselves from taking thing so personally and that helps us to become more curious and even find humor where we once might have taken offense. We can begin to chuckle at ourselves, and even learn something from another’s perspective, rather than feel threatened because their view is different from our own.
We Used To Fight
Early in our relationship, Jake and I were more reactive in our relating—that means we fought! When feeling insecure, we would take offense when none was intended. We would either fight to be right or turn away from each other and withdraw for hours, or sometimes as a much as a day or two. It was painful.
A Very Different Paradigm From The One We Grew Up With
Those things that we used to take offense at are now commonly things that bring laughter into our relating . . . we see how different we are and we appreciate our uniqueness.
This skill—respecting differences—is not something any of us are born with, nor are we taught how to relate in this way when we are growing up.
This way of relating is the nuts and bolts of Reology, which teaches us how to communicate consciously. Reology shows us how to do no harm when speaking to anyone, and allows us to leave a healthy emotional footprint behind us in all of our communication with others.
If you are single or coupled and want to learn how to create a nurturing relationship and feel more secure, you will actually change your life and your ability to love by attending a Reology retreat. Reology teaches us how to love each other better.
, . (2014). How To Love Better. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 29, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/healthy-relationships/2014/05/how-to-love-better/