Why Romantic Relationships Fail: reason #2

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 6.22.12 PMIn Why Romantic Relationships Fail: reason #1, I discussed the reason why we tend to pick the wrong partners. In this article I’ll discuss the second major reason why romantic relationships fail, which is because we tolerate immaturity—our own immaturity and that of our partners.

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Why Romantic Relationships Fail: reason #1

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-12-03 at 12.07.08 PMHave you had multiple partners, but the basic dynamic between you and them remains the same, which in short is this—you don’t get what you want? Somehow you keep making the same mistake, either choosing the wrong person or looking for the wrong thing from the person you choose.

There is a solution and it involves choosing a different kind of partner and having different expectations about being in partnership.

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Conscious Relating

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-11-24 at 4.48.43 PMWe often put a lot of time and effort into raising our consciousness. We meditate, practice tai chi, and do yoga to stretch our bodies and our spirits.

But all the mindfulness practice in the world doesn’t help our relationships if we don’t choose to integrate this growth of consciousness into our relating.

Off the yoga mat, we can easily trigger ourselves and get lost in old recycled arguments—again and again—even with someone we dearly love.

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When life is hard I don’t want to be present

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

LoversA lot of people don’t actually want to be present in their lives because being present sucks—if you don’t like your job, don’t get along with your partner, don’t feel good in your body—and therefore you’d rather be someplace else.

So what can I do when the current realities of my life are such that I would rather not be present? I think that there are two general ways to approach this situation.

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How To Be More Mature

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-11-06 at 10.30.55 AMI think the most useful thing I’ve done in my relationship with my partner is to stop complaining about what I didn’t get, (“I’m upset because you _________.”)  and instead, ask for what I want.

This doesn’t mean I always get what I want, but the vast majority of the time I do.

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How To Find and Keep The Right Partner

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-10-27 at 11.52.57 AMIn my private practice I hear women complain all the time, “There aren’t any good men out there.” I don’t often hear men say that there aren’t any good women out there, but they do say that they don’t know how to find the “right” woman.

I’ve developed an approach—an actual course—that helps people quickly assess whether or not they are likely to be a good match.

The course isn’t only for people who are dating. It also helps people who are already in relationship to figure out if they should stay together, and if so, how to make their romantic relating easier. We are big believers in the idea that love can be easy.

The key to successful dating will surprise most people.

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Creating Peace in Your Partnership

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 12.43.48 PMThere is a way to stop fighting with your partner. And those times when you slip into conflict, there is a way to quickly get back on loving ground.

The metaphor that we use for times when we are overly reactive is, “our train leaves the station.” Maybe it should be, “Our brain leaves the station.” Our partner says something, and we trigger ourselves. Adrenalin is released, our thoughts fuel our emotional engine and before we know it, something reactive is coming out of our mouths.

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Are Kids Victims of Divorce?

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 1.17.17 PMQ: In our previous conversation about my ex-wife you said some things I didn’t like hearing, but it turned out to be very helpful. Today I’d like to talk to you a bit about how my wife is harming my poor kids.

A: Your ‘poor kids’ that your wife is ‘harming.’ Yeah, I doubt we’re going to agree on that.

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Dealing with Ex-spouses

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 10.30.25 AMQ: My ex-wife is ruining my life. She doesn’t want to spend time with our kids, which is fine with me because she’s incredibly neglectful. But she’s actually blackmailing me, telling me that if I don’t keep paying child support, even though the kids aren’t with her at all, she’ll force the kids to spend time with her. She knows that makes me crazy, and it does, because it’s bad for the kids.

A: And so what are you doing about this?

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You’re Right — He’s Wrong

By Jake & Hannah Eagle

Screenshot 2014-09-16 21.36.37This photo appeared on my Facebook page this morning. It’s very funny. And it’s not. It’s not funny because so much fighting—between nations as well as individuals—comes from the need to be right and to make others wrong.

Just today one of my patients described the arguments he and his partner, whom he dearly cares about, have—fights that last into the night—until they are just both exhausted or until someone wins. These fights according to him are about her trying to convince him that she’s right and he’s wrong and him trying to prove that he’s a good guy and hasn’t done anything wrong.

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Recent Comments
  • Klyana: Soo, someone threatening me with violence is subjective and it’s not them being responsible for their...
  • Jake Eagle: My opinion is that when you become less tolerant and you make it clear that you expect a man to treat you...
  • Josie: If a woman were so intolerant, how could she even find a date? It is so hard as it is! For years I was single...
  • Jake & Hannah Eagle: I really can’t do this question justice in a short reply. Ultimately, it’s a...
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