We need our defense mechanisms, But we don’t need to be defensive

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 2 min read

Screen Shot 2015-02-24 at 4.59.25 PMEveryone I counsel has defense mechanisms. We all do. It’s part of being human. They help us cope. Based on George Valliant’s work at Harvard, where he currently oversees the Grant Study, there are four different kinds of defense mechanisms.

Some are healthy, some are not. Which ones do you use?

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How To Respond When You’ve Been Wronged

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 2 min read

hanne violin by Ross LewallenOne key to good relationships is to not take personally another person’s actions. Recently, when my mother passed away I had every reason to take her final actions personally. She changed her will without telling me, and the change was to my disadvantage. This was bad enough, but worse, she promised she would never alter her will without including me.

Did she do something to me when she took this action? Did she hurt me? Did she disrespect me? At first, I thought so and I responded like most people when they feel wronged. I made her wrong. This is when I almost made one of the worst mistakes of my life.

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How To Connect With Your Partner

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 1 min read

LoversI ask most of my clients this question: “What do you want from your relationship?” Just about all of them say the same thing. They say, “I want to feel connected.” Then they go on and tell me all the ways that they behave which keep them from connecting. It’s as if they say they want to be quiet and then they start yelling.

It is not complicated to connect with my partner if that’s what I want to do. The key is to be in the present moment and turn toward my partner instead of turning away.

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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 1 min read

Screen Shot 2014-11-06 at 10.30.55 AMMost of us suffer from various limiting beliefs. There are many therapeutic techniques for changing beliefs. But if we approach each belief one at a time, the process takes forever. We believe there is an easier way.

In Reology, we’ve identified three broad categories—patterns—in which most limiting beliefs reside. As well, we’ve identified the general solution for each pattern.

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Who’s The Most Important Person You Talk To?

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 2 min read

Screen Shot 2015-01-19 at 10.25.17 AMYou are!

And what’s the quality of the conversations you have with yourself? Based on my experience as a therapist I would say the quality is pretty low—the way most people talk to themselves is embarrassing. They are harsh with themselves, highly critical, impatient and unforgiving. You wouldn’t talk to your kids this way, would you? You wouldn’t want to talk this way to anyone you love.

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Falling In Love Again

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 1 min read

LoversDo you love your partner, but miss that “in love” feeling you once had?

Through the years, has your relationship been on cruise control, focused on career, the kids, building a home, pretty much everything but your connection with each other? Is it time to change your priorities so that your relationship can become fun again?

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4 Radical Things You Can Do To Make Your Relationship Easier

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 2 min read

Screen Shot 2014-07-22 at 3.06.09 PMHow well do you communicate? No one taught us how to talk to each other and rarely have any of us had good role models for what this might look like.

If we learn how to have healthy adult/adult conversations, we’ll avoid a great deal of the tension and hurt feelings that so many couples endure.

Learning how to talk to each other can make all the difference, but there are a few underpinnings for doing this well:

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How Will You Be A Better Person In 2015?

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 1 min read

Screen Shot 2013-10-30 at 1.36.14 PM

New Year’s represents a new beginning

What I like about New Year’s is that I can start fresh. I do this by asking the question, “How will I be a better person next year?”

So, I ask you, “How will you be a better person next year?” What do you need to do that you haven’t been doing? What do you need to stop doing that you have been doing?

I’ll share with you my own example. I know precisely what I need to do to be a better person.

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Hoping They’ll Change Doesn’t Make It So

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 2 min read

wedding invitation or card loversEver gotten involved with someone, while hoping they’ll change?

Of course no one you choose will be perfect (my husband, Jake, objects to that statement). And we don’t want to be too picky. We can have too many personal desires and quirks that we want satisfied by our partner. But getting involved with the wrong person and hoping they’ll change . . . it doesn’t work very well.

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Why Romantic Relationships Fail: reason #2

By Jake & Hannah Eagle • 3 min read

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 6.22.12 PMIn Why Romantic Relationships Fail: reason #1, I discussed the reason why we tend to pick the wrong partners. In this article I’ll discuss the second major reason why romantic relationships fail, which is because we tolerate immaturity—our own immaturity and that of our partners.

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