Communication

Couples who Quibble and How to Stop

Do couples who argue a lot realize how unproductive they are being and how much damage they are doing?

The clients I work with are pretty self-aware people, so when they argue, it’s usually because they don’t know how to effectively communicate—most people have never learned—or they do know how to communicate, but they are using their partner to victimize themselves.

Here’s an example:
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Communication

Life Consists of 3 Kinds of Moments

Our lives are made up of three kinds of moments. Can you identify them? Some moments are far more enjoyable than others. Some are painful. And some are like living in a trance.

We can’t avoid any of the three kinds of moments, but we can learn to get the balance right so that we are living more in the present moments of possibilities and less in the passive and painful moments.

We can learn how to this with a clear road map and much practice.
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Love & Romance

Love ’em or Leave ’em

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist themselves to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
―Thomas Merton

Much of what I know about happiness, or perhaps better said, unhappiness, is that it comes from wanting things to be other than what they are—when I desire things to be other than what they are, I can’t appreciate what is. 
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Communication

Eliminate passive aggressive behavior

I was working with a client today and suggesting that he and his partner, like many couples, have three basic ways in which they relate to one another. The first is that they argue, each trying to prove that they are right and the other person is wrong.

The second pattern often occurs when people are tired of fighting. They try to listen and understand their partner, but because they’re afraid a fight will occur, they stop giving voice to their own feelings. This pattern is an improvement over the first one, but it often leads to another problem.
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