As infants, when we want something, we cry. As adolescents when we want something we rebel, sulk, or just keep asking. As adults when we want something we negotiate or fight. All of these behaviors are ways of exercising our power in an attempt to get what we want. But there is a better way . . . we can learn to embody the power of presence.
What would happen if you chose to create your own holiday this year and didn’t go home to your family? After all a “holiday” is supposed to be a festive time of no work. Does going home to your family of origin feel like a festive affair to you? Does it feel like “no work,” or is it actually a lot of work? If it feels like a lot of work, you’re not alone. Many people feel anxious or depressed around the holidays.
Do you want to reduce your anxiety? Then change your Virtual Question. I was working with a client suffering from chronic anxiety. We discovered that her Virtual Question was, “Am I a success?” Only after she learned what a Virtual Question is, and how to change it, did her anxiety go away.
When couples arrive in my office, often mad at one another for past hurts, they almost always make a huge mistake. They vent! They think that the therapy room is a safe place to say the things that they haven’t felt safe to say before. While that may be true, it doesn’t mean it will be helpful.
Do I love my husband unconditionally? HECK NO! But here’s the interesting thing. My husband is an amazing man. He is loving, kind, thoughtful, a great lover, brilliant at what he does, and makes good money. He is a therapist and teaches ReSpeak, helping couples to stop fighting and start loving each other.
One of the problems that some narcissists suffer from is not trusting themselves. And when I use the term “narcissist” what I mean is a person who thinks of things only from his or her point of view without sufficiently taking other people into consideration. I refer to people like this as insecure narcissists.
I had been labeled with “multiple personality disorder,” which was not helpful. But today I I feel completely integrated. The key to my integration has been self-acceptance, which we hear a lot about, but what does it mean to accept ourselves and how can we learn to do so?