The question of whether to end a relationship, be it a 20 year marriage or a 5 year commitment, is a painful and complicated one. It is a question that often implies loss, fear of judgment, sense of failure, self-blame as well as glimmers of hope and change. At times we avoid this question, we ask others to answer it, we act on it impulsively, we never stop asking it or we recognize we have no choice – we have to ask it of ourselves.
Here are some issues and underlying questions that you may find helpful as you consider this life decision.
The Importance of Knowing Why You Want to Leave
If you are thinking of leaving a relationship, it is important that you know why. Understanding your past and present informs the decisions you make for your future. No matter what the circumstances of the relationship you are ending, understanding it offers something valuable for you to know about you.
- How did the relationship go from awesome to awful?
- Why couldn’t you change him/ her – why did you think you could?
- What made the good times so good? What made the bad times so bad?
- What part did you play in the loss of hope in this relationship?
The Importance of Your Partner’s Knowing Why
Except in those cases where interaction and discussion could be dangerous, it is important for your partner to know why you are thinking of ending this relationship. The very thought of this may make you want to scream, “How could she/he not know?” The reality is that a painful familiar relationship is often preferable to change or the fear of being alone. Denial can be a powerful and long standing survival strategy. It makes communication crucial.
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Laurie
11:00 pm on
January 28th, 2012RIGHT ON!! Thank you so much for putting it altogether in one place;)
Laurie: Thanks for your comment – Glad you found it helpful – Suzanne
Lin Agostinacchio
1:02 am on
January 30th, 2012Great article.if I ever have a friend who has their doubts,I will be happy to forward this blog. I am so happy that I don’t have a lousy relationship.sometimes you are not feeling the storybook romance every day but I don’t want to end the relationship.
Rachael
5:49 pm on
January 31st, 2012This is so well written! It’s not only helpful to those who may be struggling but also for those who just need to check in with each other to ensure we are meeting each others needs and keeping the lines of communication open.
Thank you for writing it Suzanne. 
Rachel: Thanks so much for your comment – I am delighted to hear that you found it useful in considering relationships – at any point!!! Best Regards, Suzanne
Thanks for the advice. I actually managed to create a new relationship with my ex girlfriend – no need to search elsewhere.
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