According to a telephone survey of a nationally representative sample of 16,507 adults, nearly one in five women has been a victim of rape or attempted rape and one in 71 men reports having been raped or the target of attempted rape.

As alarming as these statistics may be, they greatly under-represent the numbers who have suffered. Men and boys tend not to report being raped and women rarely report rape by a partner or acquaintance. Sadly, ¾ of all rapes are committed by a known person who is never held accountable.

The Silence About Rape is Dangerously Loud!

The silence about rape reflects the nature of the crime and both the victim and society’s reaction and interaction in response to it.

The Impact of Rape on the Victim

Rape is a violent crime. It brutally assaults the victim’s core self and the physical, psychological, neurological, and cognitive systems that integrate functioning.

In the immediate aftermath, rape is often experienced as an annihilation of the ownership of self — a loss of the self’s ability to act, to make meaning or register what is happening, to remember. Feelings are overwhelming or numbed. Narrative is destroyed. There are no words for what is too horrific to comprehend.

Rape survivor, Nancy Raine in her book, After Silence: Rape and My Journey Back, describes:

We catch our breath as we hear that Virginia Tech has once again faced a shooting and the violent deaths of two people on campus.  In this case seven minutes after police reported the shooting, students were informed and alerted by email, text, twitter and campus broadcast to stay where they were in locked down locations, to remain off campus or to be escorted to safety areas. As the students reported, they waited in fear for four hours uncertain of what would unfold. When told it was safe, they hesitated leaving.

As is the nature of trauma, those who faced this present trauma live in the shadow of the tragic past and those in the past may be re-awakened to the horror and loss they have been carrying. To a large degree many emotionally and physically once again bear witness to a terrifying and unimaginable event.

While a person’s reaction to trauma is a function of the personal meaning of the event to them, their physical and emotional proximity to the traumatic event as well as their personal history, we have come to know that as an initial help, Psychological First Aid (PFA) can mediate the impact of trauma and make possible steps toward healing.

Dealing with trauma across the timeline from acute impact to long term recovery, I have found personally and professionally that there are aspects of Psychological First Aid that are vital in helping and healing at any time.

Here are some suggestions worth knowing and owning in the aftermath of trauma and re-traumatization.

As the Penn State Sexual Scandal continues to unfold and dominate the media, people everywhere are expressing shock, anger, anguish and loss.  College Football, a beloved symbol of healthy American values, has been fractured by the disillusionment suffered when trust and safety are gone and children are no longer safe. Driven by the news and social media updates, people everywhere are asking:  How could it happen?  Why wasn’t it stopped? Who should be blamed? Who was protecting the kids?

There is one group that is not surprised.  They have been silently asking these questions for years. They are the countless adults who were sexually abused as children.

For many of them the Penn State Scandal is emotionally complicated. Whether they have identified and come forth as victims, embraced the power of healing or live with the memory of abuse on the edges of awareness, they are watching a nation grapple with an unthinkable crime – child sexual abuse, a crime of betrayal and the destruction of innocence -“ soul murder.“ For them the response to this scandal carries with it the possibility of both positive and negative impact.

If you are feeling anxious about the upcoming 10th Anniversary of 9/11 — you are not alone. Nationally and internationally the world is focusing on commemorating a day of unthinkable destruction of lives and life as we have known it.  As such, the event has private and public significance that evokes a broad range of reactions, body memories and feelings.

Trauma theorists tell us that we heal in community, that we heal by bearing witness to atrocity, the we need to remember and mourn and that we must give voice to what has happened to inform  future generations.

Trauma theorists tell us that with anniversary events comes the opportunity to do this as well as the emotional déjà vu – the anniversary reactions.

Last week the media reported the sad and unanticipated deaths of two men. Derek Boogaard of the Rangers died from an accidental overdose of the drug oxycodone mixed with alcohol and retired lieutenant, John A. Garcia, a 23-year veteran of FDNY who not only responded to 9/11 but responded and lost two of his men in the Deutsche Bank Fire. died by suicide.

One can’t help but wonder if the tragic deaths reflect the danger of hidden depression in men.  Increasingly we have become aware that although women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression, many men, beyond the 10-17% diagnosed, may also be suffering with depression.

Depression May Be More Deadly for Men

What makes depression in men so dangerous? It too often goes unrecognized and untreated because it is masked by physical complaints, substance abuse, anger and other stealth symptoms.

The news of Bin Laden’s death has erupted on national and international levels in a mix of feelings. Attached to the thrill of justice served and military courage recognized are shadows of fear and the pain of catastrophic loss.

For survivors and the thousands who lost so many loved ones on 9/11 this is not only long awaited news, it is a déjà vu of that September day.

Once again there are ongoing calls of condolence and remembrances, non-stop media reports, and the visceral pain of losing a Dad, a child, a partner, a firefighter, a friend, a community, and the illusion of safety.

What Does this Mean for Emotional Healing?

It Invites Revisiting:

Highly charged events like Bin Laden’s Death are quite likely to trigger traumatic memories that unlike ordinary explicit memory for daily events are encoded under fight/flight conditions in those centers of the brain dealing with sensations and emotion. They can be sequestered for years – untold, intrusive as nightmares and flashbacks, haunting but never integrated into the story of one’s life.  While this event might trigger pain, it may offer an opportunity to bear witness, to share and transform traumatic memories.

To err is human. To blame seems to be human also.

We blame nature, we blame God, we blame our enemies, our spouses and ourselves. We even blame politicians for never taking the blame!

Why?

The definition of blame is to hold responsible, to find fault with, to censure, for something that has happened, has failed to happen or which has had a negative impact in some way.

We need to blame for regulations of feelings, reparation of harm and restoration of order on personal, interpersonal and broadly social levels.

The Uses of Blame

In the best of circumstances blame for wrong doing once acknowledged results in apology, concessions to meet the demands of restorative justice or punishment to meet the demands of retributive justice.

Today a concerned parent commented to my blog “Could My Teen Commit Suicide?” by describing his 14 year old daughter who had begun cutting herself.

He asked “Could this be a warning sign?”

Also today two colleagues raised concerns about young people engaged in cutting – one a female college student and one a 15 year old male.

Whether parent or professional, this is a topic that concerns and confuses us. It is one that we cannot ignore. It is one worth considering.

Once again a nation, Japan and its people, face devastation, loss and terrifying uncertainty in the aftermath of disaster.

Enabled by ever-expanding technology, people across miles, cultures, religions, races and economies witness the unfolding of unspeakable events. While disaster of this proportion calls forth a universal sense of horror and concern, there are differences in the way we all react.

What Accounts For These Differences?

While Traumatologists indicate that the characteristics of an event – be it man-made or natural disaster, time-limited or prolonged, life threatening or catastrophic- mediate the impact of a traumatic event on people, they hold that the most crucial factor in determining a person’s response  is the meaning of the event for that person.

One night in one of the many groups I have run, a member came in very distraught. Sitting down, she began crying and said “I hesitated sharing this, but I am so upset I have to speak about it – my twelve year old beautiful golden Lab, Star, named for our midnight walks, died this past weekend.”

Instantly the group responded with condolences, gentle questions, and concern. Then, one man tearfully said, “I need you to know something I have never told anyone. The day that my dog Caesar died, I rode around for hours with him on the back seat of my car. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him; I didn’t know where to go or what to do.” From there the group began to share and bear witness to the loss of pets from as far back as early childhood- beloved companions, never forgotten.

There are 38.2 million cats and 45.6 million dogs as well as many other companion animals in the U.S. Statistics estimate that 62% of U.S. households own a pet which equates to 71.4 million homes. This reality equates to a great deal of joy as well as considerable pain and grief when a pet dies.