So in your relationship is it a matter of “opposites attract” or “birds of a feather”? The question of whether similar or dissimilar personality traits are a source of romantic attraction and marital satisfaction has been debated for years. There are those who propose a complementarity hypothesis claiming that partners may be more satisfied with those who differ with them on certain personality traits because these partners complement them or offer what they don’t have: she is a thinker; he is a doer. Reflecting this sentiment, Tim Lahaye  in his book Opposites Attract maintains that people with similar temperaments never marry because like temperaments repel -- they don’t attract. Similarly, Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want, proposes that “There's a polarity in the universe physically that is also reflected in relationships, especially when it comes to personality traits. So a high-energy person will be attracted to a low-energy person … Incompatibility makes for a dynamic, powerful, growing, exciting relationship.” Disagreeing with this, authors Scott Lililenfeld, Steven Lynn, John Ruscio, and Barry Beyerstein describe “Opposites Attract: We Are Romantically Attracted to People Who Differ From Us” as one of the 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology in their 2010 book by that title. These authors contend that most studies demonstrate that people with similar personality traits are more likely to be attracted to each other. This similarity-attraction hypothesis seems to hold up across characteristics as physical attractiveness, attachment style, political and religious attitudes, socio-economic background, and level of education, according to Pieternal Dijkstra in his 2008 article “Do People Know what they Want: A Similar or Complementary Partner?” So do opposites or similarities cause attraction and satisfaction? Maybe both.

Last Thursday, the hour-long premiere of The Marriage Ref aired on national television, suggesting that what every couple needs is a “ref” to settle their disagreements. While most of us love the validation of being “right” and it may be that some couples, as those depicted on the show, really need someone to decide whether it is okay to keep the dining room table set and used only for Thanksgiving or to vote against teeth flossing in bed – I’m not certain all partners need, much less want, a ref. Perhaps a closer look at why couples disagree may help you decide when and if you need a ref :

On Tuesday, I blogged about different types of guilt and the impact that guilt can have on relationships. Today, we're going to look at apologies and why they can be reparative: Apology — The Expression of Guilt In the interaction between partners there is a difference between feeling guilt and expressing guilt. In those cases where guilt is both a product of self-judgment (You really feel guilty) and judgment by your partner (he/she is clearly hurt by your actions or inactions), the expression of guilt is reparative.

A week or so ago, I was about to pay for an egg sandwich and newspaper in the deli when the clerk—who knows what I do for a living—pointed to the picture of Tiger Woods on the cover. “So is he really feeling guilty or just trying to get his wife and everyone’s sympathy?” “I don’t know,” I said, wondering if it was time to change to another deli. “It’s complicated—guilt, relationships. I don’t think it’s easy.” Apparently, many people were asking that same question and even collecting data on it. Evaluating Tiger’s apology ratings, HCD Research found that men and women rated the sincerity of his apology in a similar way with 61% of women and 58% of men reporting that they felt he was sincere. Apart from whatever unfolds for Tiger Woods, this brings to the forefront a number of questions about guilt in relationships: What is it? Why do people feel it?  What does an apology mean?

Most people view envy in a negative way. It has been defined as the feeling one has when another person has a superior quality, achievement or possession that you desire or wish for. Identified as “sin” in some faiths, it has been associated with a constellation of feelings including guilt, longing, inferiority, resentment, and even ill will toward the envied person. Do partners ever envy each other? Aren’t partners supposed to be happy for each other, proud when the other wins the golf tournament, earns the degree, outperforms her peers? Absolutely, and they are. Most couples operate from the perspective that when one wins, both win. No one looks envious of their partner on Jeopardy – they look thrilled.

For as long as there have been men, women, and relationships, there has been jealousy—the fear of losing the person you love to a rival. Romance and literature throughout the ages have extolled jealousy as the sign of true love. “He that is not jealous, is not in love,” said St. Augustine. They have also associated jealousy with pain, distrust, anger and anguish. “There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy,” said Lope de Vega. In the actual lives of couples, jealousy is a complex emotion with varied causes and different consequences. While it can re-affirm love and even create enticement, it can also assault self-esteem, reflect betrayal, justify possessiveness and cause violence.

Silence can mean many things. It can mean yes, no, agreement or disagreement. It can imply contentment or dissatisfaction, safety or fear. It can be accompanied by the smile of approval or the scorn of ...

Not knowing if your loved one is alive or dead absent or present, knowing or needing you is painfully traumatic. It is the suffering faced when soldiers are missing in action, thousands of ...

A long-distance relationship or LDR is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance. No one is geographically undesirable anymore but many are geographically challenged with the ...

While recently waiting on line in a crowded store, I overheard a bit of a friendly, flirty conversation between two young cashiers. The young man asked the young woman something. I couldn’t hear her answer, but I did hear his response back, “Does the way you just said “NO” really mean “YES?” Good question. He’s certainly not the only one confused. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that saying “ NO” or hearing “NO” can be complicated. Regardless of whether the issue is sexual, financial, or food related, there are times when you really don’t want to say “NO”- but you do. There are times when you just can’t say “NO” – so you don’t. There are times when you can’t tolerate his/her “NO” and won’t let it go and there are times when you need the shirt that says “What part of “NO” Don’t You Understand?”