Archives for July, 2012
Almost everyone has some experience with hope: We hope for the best. We hang on to hope. We despair when we lose hope. It would seem that hope, which is broadly defined as an emotional state that promotes the belief in a positive outcome, is in inherent in human nature. Reflections of the importance of hope are found in early mythology, religion, philosophy and literature. Pandora, although forbidden, opened the box given to her by Zeus, and in a moment, all the curses were released into the world and all the blessing escaped and were lost- except one: hope. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.” ― The King James Version of the Bible “Hope is a waking dream.” –Aristotle “Where there is no hope, it is incumbent on us to invent it.” -Albert Camus "Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops -- at all." -Emily Dickinson Clearly we need hope, but even as we embrace it we often wonder – Does hope really make a difference? Is it myth, fiction, collective denial? There is actually increasing scientific evidence that hope changes us psychologically and physiologically - that it makes a difference.
The definition of catastrophe is an event causing great and often sudden damage or suffering. The early morning shooting and killing of 12 people and wounding of others as they eagerly began viewing the latest Batman movie; “The Dark Knight Rises,” tragically qualifies. As we shockingly take stock of this horrific event, we once again dare to imagine the pain of the families or resonate with memories of having faced similar pain. In the face of traumatic loss we are left without words, helpless to understand ‘Why’ and needing to believe there is a way to prevent such events. We have come to know that even as we can still barely catch a breath and struggle for answers, there are some initial steps of Psychological First Aid (PFA) that offer some relief. Here are some suggestions worth knowing and owning when life has suddenly become so darkened.
Recycling is a good idea, except when it comes to relationships. Regardless of what people tell themselves about the time invested, the good times missed, the great sex, or the feeling that things will be different; in most cases the re-connection with an ex rarely brings a better outcome. Research tells us that rekindling a relationship decreases happiness. Studies of college grads as well as larger national studies of older couples reveal that those people who cycle back to relationships, often over and over again, experience less satisfaction, more uncertainty and more disillusionment in their relationships than non-cycling partners. Let’s face it – breaking up is hard to do. When it has happened there is usually a good reason on the part of one or both partners. Why then do people look backwards? Why do they imagine it will be different?
Many people face a traumatic event in adult life. Be it a serious car accident, combat, rape, a natural disaster or the loss of a child, people are often confronted with a horrific event that threatens death or serious injury to themselves or someone else, or involves the traumatic loss of a friend or loved one. While such trauma is in itself physically and emotionally assaultive, trauma theorist Robert Stolorow proposes that beyond the actual event, it is the emotions suffered after the event that become the unbearable emotional pain of trauma. Difficult to articulate and unrecognized by many, the emotional aftermath of adult trauma often goes unvalidated and unhealed. Drawing upon his own traumatic loss of a young wife, Stolorow reports that in the unreal time that stretches slowly after a trauma, there is an “excruciating sense” of being outside normal life, alone with feelings that no one else can understand. Stolorow’s contribution to the field is his articulation of these feelings in a way that becomes an invaluable resource for validation.
The impact of what we wear may be far more complex than we realize. We have for some time considered the impact of what we wear on others. Mark Twain tells us “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” Resonating with this perspective, we dress for “success.” Consciously or unconsciously, we dress to make an impression. In this culture, our goals or version of success may vary. We may dress to reflect a self that is smart, sexy, reserved, in charge, laid back or athletic; but in our choice of clothing, we work to present an image of self on the basis of color and form. It is no coincidence, for example, that the president and presidential candidates predominately wear red ties. Those consulting on their wardrobes report that red is a color of rank and power and that the color, when researched, provokes the strongest emotional response – passion and optimism or warning and caution. The Impact on Self The latest research on what we wear expands this picture. It suggests that what we wear not only impacts others, it impacts us. What we wear not only impacts what we feel… it impacts how we think!!