No one just shows up for a good relationship and relationships don’t just get better because time passes. It is what we do during that time that helps heal and enhance our relationships. Over the last few years I have written many blogs for couples. Here are six simple resolutions drawn from them that many have found enhance the bond they share with their partner.
Let It Go
If you are human and you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that at times you will be angry with your partner. Once you and your partner have come to some resolve or have agreed to a working resolution, let the contention and disagreement go.
You may think it is important to explain to your partner one more reason you were angry or to analyze his/her character flaw. It’s not. Your partner will not be grateful for this information. Let it Go!
Once you and your partner move on to a positive mood or enjoyable place, go with it, feel it- let it take. Positive memories and experiences build recovery momentum. They facilitate problem resolution because they broaden perspective, re-kindle appreciation of each other and build trust.
Look at Each Other More
Making an effort to actually look more at your partner has real potency in relationship enhancement. There is increasing evidence that eye contact is associated with the power to influence, connect, support, invite trust, and enhance intimacy with another person. Do you remember the first time you looked at each other and how it felt?
Lighten the Load Together
The reality in this culture is that most working couples, particularly with children, are clocking in many hours at home and at work, and trying to strike a balance between the two. The strain they feel is often played out in their clash about chores. According to a 2007 Pew Research Center Survey of American adults, 62% ranked “sharing household chores” as third in importance in a successful marriage across age groups.
Is there anything more loving than a made bed, a cleaned sink or a child tucked in?
Laugh With Each Other
Laughter has been associated with reduction of stress, anxiety, improvement of mood, self-esteem and coping skills. It is also considered the closest distance between two people.
When couples “ get each other” or “ laugh at similar things” they share more than perspective. Laughter is transformative. Making a partner laugh or laughing at something together, or even laughing at yourselves implies the wish and capacity to let go, to share something, to be intimate.
Loving yourself in a healthy way is a gift to a partner- a relationship enhancer. You may have scars from the past that have dampened your self-esteem. You can’t change your past but you can take charge of your present. Your partner and your relationship offer a new opportunity for positive affirmation.
Let your Love and Desire be Known
One way to feel more love and sexual desire as a couple is to express it. This does not equate to just asking for or complaining about sex. Most partners want to feel loved and desired by the other in the course of the day to day life they share. – They want to be “more than just friends” they want to be the special one to their partner.
On an on-going basis, a word, a compliment, a smile, consistent small signs of authentic affection build mutual desire, the feeling of being loved and the wish to be sexual. Loving in a more expressive way is not a demand or guarantee of sex – it is the fabric of intimacy that leads to mutual desire.
No one just shows up for a good relationship.
No relationship is perfect.
But…every day you act to enhance your relationship in a simple way, you become part of the relationship you want.
Happy couple photo available from Shutterstock.
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Last reviewed: 28 Dec 2011