It depends. It most cases it’s not the differences that threaten a marriage, it’s how the partners experience and react to those differences.
There Are Always Some Differences
Whether you were drawn together by the attraction of opposites or finally found your ideal match in terms of similar looks, education or socio-economic background, most partners at some point realize they are married “ with differences.” The fact is that no two people have the same goal, react the same way or enjoy the same thing, at the same time – ALL THE TIME. ( Thankfully)
- “ You really like working in the garden?”
- “ You don’t mind driving the kids for 8 hours to ski?”
- “ You really want that many pairs of shoes?”
When Do Differences become Problems?
Working with couples, it seems that differences become problems when they are unexpected, imply change or are experienced as a threat to either partner or to the relationship. Often partners react to the assumed threat with accusation or judgment which sets the stage for conflict. For example,
While most partners can live with having different tastes in foods and music, differences that emerge in the face of life events ( jobs, children, financial burdens) often threaten partners.