Our marriage is in trouble. I have DID, PTSD and depression. My husband feels I just need to get over myself, stop looking at my past and go on with my life. When he says things like this I feel he trivializes the years of hellish abuse I grew up in. So, we have some real problems and I’m not sure how to do my regular work with my brilliant T and a new marriage counselor. I would so love for us to be able to negotiate somehow with help to find a workable relationship. That is my goal.

2 Things I’ve found helpful are to stage discussions when neither of us is ragged out tired or overly stressed. The other reminder is to “fight about the problem, don’t fight each other” I know when I feel attacked I go into defensive behavior and shut down/shut him out and he does some of the same behaviors. When we discuss the actual issue and refuse to make it an attack on the person it can sometimes defuse the anger and keep things safe enough for genuine discussion. All of this takes practice, of course.

Thanks for your helpful ideas!