Couples

Welcome Back!

Hello again! After a not quite two year long hiatus, I am ready to blog once again. In the meantime, I've completed my training in Imago Relationship therapy, which was such a gift to me and deepened my knowledge about relationships, couples dynamics, intimacy and sex therapy. You will read a lot more about these topics. Stay tuned! I am excited to be with you again.

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General

Good Bye And Good Luck!

After one and a half years, I am retiring my blog about introverts, shy people and all kinds of Gentle Selves, and turn to the new and exciting field of the science of consciousness. It has been an honor to serve all readers who shared my interest, and I want to encourage all the check out my new blog Mind Matters - Neuroscience and Consciousness.

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Anxiety and Worry

The Power Of Being An Introvert



Introverts and shy people all over rejoice: there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with needing space and quiet, and preferring a low key dinner with a good friend to a loud and extravagant party.

There is nothing wrong with needing time to retreat from the world and recharge your internal batteries, or to feel overwhelmed by too much...
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Conflict

How Couples Can Break Through An Impasse



Couples who start to think about separation or divorce are in a place of high conflict or high dissatisfaction. Sometimes it's very easy to find the main culprit in the relationship, especially when there is verbal or physical abuse. But often it's not so clear cut.

Lots of couples aren't happy in their marriage, but find themselves unable to end the relationship. There may be an element of...
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General

When Spiritual Relationships Go Awry – Part IV




Many people who come to enter codependent relationships with their teachers are--consciously or unconsciously--seeking to empower themselves by associating with a powerful figure. They project all the qualities they feel are lacking in themselves onto the teacher: perseverance, wisdom, enlightenment, strength, and so on. They become fixated on the belief that they can only develop these qualities the closer they are to the teacher.
Making the teacher their therapist, lover, or main confidante...
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General

When Spiritual Relationships Go Awry – Part III



Love and care are at the heart of every functioning spiritual student-teacher relationship. It is almost never equally mutual or even palpable in overt ways, and it may never be acknowledged. It can come in many different forms and includes struggles and resistance. But the intensity of every significant bond that is forged in this arena implies by its nature the presence of affection and love.
Unfortunately, the nature of this love is...
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General

When Spiritual Relationships Go Awry, Part II

In my previous post, I discussed the pitfalls of idealization and just how easy it is to put a seemingly highly evolved person on a pedestal. What often comes with idealization is a certain degree of regression, which means that the admirer goes back to a psychologically less mature place and looks up to the spiritual teacher from an almost childlike place. This is what puts the person in authority in such a powerful place.

Spiritual leaders,...
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General

When Spiritual Relationships Go Awry, Part I


 

The story of spiritual relationships going bad has been repeating itself in many ways in virtually every religion. We think about the sex abuse scandals in the Catholic church. Violent outbursts in cults like the Branch Davidians. And bitter disillusionment when a spiritual leader we turn to ends up not having our best interest at heart.

Eastern religions in America have not been spared. There have been sex scandals in Yoga centers all over the country,...
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Anxiety and Worry

How To End Codependency


Codependency is defined as one partner being dependent on the control and the needs of another, like when a self defeating partner falls for a narcissist. For the codependent person, the needs of the other become paramount, and one's own needs and desires - sometimes even the whole personality are obliterated.

The primary task of a codependent person is individuation. Becoming one's own priority. Knowing and realizing one's desires. Discovering the self. And eventually standing on your own...
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Conflict

How To Communicate Instead Of Having A Fight

We've all been there. It's Sunday morning. The husband wants to see his parents. The wife would rather go take a hike in the woods. Or the other way around. One insists on what they want, the other resists or doesn't really engage and you're off arguing what to do with this Sunday afternoon.

The most important aspect to avoid a fight is your attitude towards the other person. If you internally roll your eyes and...
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