Boundary Wall - Mirium Regia (1)

One of my clients came in the other day and was quite upset. About herself.

“Why can’t I just stick to my guns?” she asked aghast.

It’s something that happens to her quite frequently. She thinks she has an opinion about something, but as soon as someone else explains why they think differently, she sways over to the other side.

“It bothers me that I am so understanding” she concluded.

Indeed, her understanding of others regularly makes her forget her own point of view.

It’s the old story: it’s hard to just say no, put up a boundary and side with one’s own experience. Whenever another influence appears, your own position takes a back seat. We call it self defeat.

Of course, there is always the need for balance. Someone who blindly and continually insists on their point of view is not well adjusted either. Unevenness towards either side – too little consistence or too much – is undesirable.

We need to remember to put up a firm boundary towards others when we feel that we are taken over too easily.

How do we do that?

Awareness is the key, as always. When do you tend to get swept away by others? In a certain social setting, with your in-laws, your wife’s girlfriends, your high school buddies, your doctor?

People in authority have the most power over us – whether it’s a domineering relative, a store clerk or a cop. Any kind of uniform will usually do the trick.

Observe yourself when your determination begins to soften and the other person wins out just by the sheer volume of their words or their voice.

Put both feet on the ground, straighten your posture and stay firm.

Your have come to your own conclusions, and they are worth no less than anybody else’s.

photo credit: Choufani

 


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    Last reviewed: 16 Sep 2012

APA Reference
Schoen, G. (2012). Taking On Other People’s Opinions. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/gentle-self/2012/09/taking-on-other-peoples-opinions/

 

The Gentle Self Buddha Betrayed
Gerti Schoen is the author of The Gentle Self
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