Back in January, a fifteen-year-old girl named Phoebe Prince hung herself after being bullied by several students. This tragic story got big headlines recently when nine of the bullying students were charged criminally for activities such as harassment and assault. So far, no adults at the school have been charged for anything.

Teens Charged In Phoebe Prince’s Suicide

Apparently, school officials and teachers knew about the harassment but didn’t do enough effectively to stop it. The students obviously did harmful things to her, but didn’t literally kill her with their bare hands. In the end, it was Phoebe’s final act that ended her life. But what about all the actions that led up to it? How does the ultimate responsibility fall out among those involved?

One particular comment has struck me.(link yahoo news) The mother of a girl involved in the bullying spoke out after her daughter was charged with wrong doing. She said that her daughter never laid a hand on Phoebe and “only called her names.”  This statement is very revealing. It was “only this,” not something really bad “like that,” a classic excuse for refusing responsibility.

Pointing fingers When Bullying Is Discovered

Rather than expressing shock and empathy towards the victims’ family, this mother seemed to put responsibility on Phoebe for conflict between the girls. While this is a very obvious statement from just one person, the tone of ignorance and minimization may actually reflect what many people in the community feel. Bullying isn’t that bad, bullying isn’t my business, bullying just involves physical situations, etc.

Clearly, some parents and people in the community have been very vocal about their concerns, which is great. Maybe their public scrutiny about the entire process can bring this whole thing into the light. Expose the excuses for what they are, force people to be uncomfortable about this, make people take another look at how they raise their kids.

I’m not entirely sure how much responsibility lies with the school — it seems like there are more details to sort out. They could certainly be a community leader for …

Health care reform is a white hot issue right now. Opinions vary widely on how successful, helpful, or even frustrating this whole plan will be for Americans. However, I want to draw your attention to a few small parts of the reform bill that are good for mental health. With all the controversy and political rhetoric, you may have missed these important pieces.

Several times a month, I notice new comments on a few of my depression posts on the Psych Central general blog. So many people want to know why the depression has happened, what they can do, how they can deal with their family refusing to get help. Some people would probably take the help if someone extended a hand to them. Others get multiple pleas from family members to get counseling, see their doctor, or do anything to make the depression lift. 

I’m compelled to write on a new and bothersome branch to the story about Marie Osmond’s son’s tragic suicide.  This painful problem was completely preventable, and yet it wasn’t prevented.  Just this morning I read something about Roseanne Barr making some strong statements about Marie’s son killing himself.  My first thought was, “Oh no, hasn’t there been enough for the family to deal with?”

Over the weekend, Marie Osmond’s family was shocked by the heartbreaking suicide of her teenage son, Michael Blosil. Marie herself is no stranger to depression and family problems. The video below mentions that Michael was dealing with adoption issues and had been in rehab for a time. After the news portion of the video, family therapist Terry Real discusses some important aspects of suicide in teens. Mr. Real is the author of I Don’t Want To Talk About It, a book about depression in men and teen boys.

Sometimes it takes a bold reminder to shake us into awareness.  Something dark and destructive may be lurking in the mind of a mom after she’s had a baby, someone in your family or one of your friends.  Sometimes it can take a death to make us remember how real postpartum depression is.

photo credit: Supagroova

You may remember my post from a few weeks ago, Diary of a Depression Day. I commented about the previous weekend when I’d experienced a disturbing day of slight paranoia, negativity, mistrust, confusion, and undefined sadness. How things change when you think you know how to predict them.

During my depression day, I was actually in the time of my cycle that should have been (and typically is) the easiest to manage my emotions. I usually have trouble in the three to five days leading up the first day of my cycle. As I write this, I imagine some of you questioning how I think my emotions are all boiled down to a bunch of hormones. That’s not what I’m saying, and I imagine there could have been a few other triggers that weekend (though since time has passed, I’m not sure I can find a simple answer).

The other day I woke up in a somewhat fearful depressed state of mind.  I am not entirely sure why it came on just then, but I had a day ahead of me and I felt like I was painted into a corner.  I recorded my thoughts a few times, not to wallow in them but to capture them.  I don’t have a diary, but that’s the description that seemed to fit best.  I was hoping that if I wrote my thoughts and feelings down, they would go away faster or at least make some sense to me later.  I’m not sure either thing happened. 

Anyway, this is my best shot at “real time depression” to let you know what it’s like to be ambushed by your motions when life is otherwise generally in good shape – depression leftovers, if you will.  It’s unedited, perhaps a little rough in some places, but it’s how it came out in the moment.  I hope you can appreciate the raw expression for what it is.

My “Diary Excerpt”

I can’t be sure where my safe spot is inside me.  I have people around me that I love and that love me, but there is also fear.  I fear and regret disappointing others, either in the past or the future.  I’m trying to fake it today, knowing that I don’t want to alarm anyone to how close I am to tears.  A few striking comments echo in my mind, providing evidence that I’ve already tread on thin ice with one person.  Or so it seems. 

Right now, I can’t tell how seriously I’m supposed to take anyone’s opinions today.  I can tell that I’m way too absorbent, too permeable to other people’s emotions and comments.  It wouldn’t take much to amplify my own fears and insecurities today, causing them to spill out in unstoppable tears. 

The more I don’t do about the problem, the bigger it seems to get.  And if I would try something to make the problem better, my worry is that my most feared personal rejection will be confirmed.  By saying …

The more I have learned about postpartum depression, the more I realized how much misinformation is out there. Television, magazines, and the Internet continue to over dramatize and politicize postpartum mental disorders. Or, they are completely dismissive of new mothers truly concerned about their mental health. Right now, I’ll just take you through a comparison of two very common postpartum mental conditions. Let’s keep this simple and easy.

Postpartum depression meets all the basic criteria of clinical depression. This includes any five of the following symptoms: feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in usual activities, significant weight loss or gain, significant appetite change, sleep problems (too much or too little), loss of energy, either feeling too keyed up or too slow, feelings of self loathing and negativity, problems with concentration, decision-making, and clear thinking.

Along with those symptoms, a mom with postpartum depression may turn some of her negativity or loss of interest towards her baby.  Oddly, many of the above-listed symptoms are very normal in the first several weeks following childbirth. What new mom hasn’t struggled with their sleep, had some loss of energy, and had significant weight change?  The similarities can make postpartum depression somewhat tricky to diagnose.

Baby blues consist of tearfulness, some mild sadness or an overwhelmed feeling, and last just a few weeks after childbirth. A difference between baby blues and depression is that the baby blues usually starts a few days after birth, and depression may not set in until a few weeks or months later.

Certainly, depression can set in very early, but true baby blues simply don’t last that long.  You know you have depression when you just can’t shake those feelings and they seem to get worse.

To add a few personal details, I didn’t notice the odd depression symptoms until about two months after giving birth.  I noticed that my calendar in my mind was a big white blank wall for anything more than five minutes into the future.  Also, I tried just about everything I knew how to do to feel better and more positive, and I was …

When I had my postpartum depression and PMDD, I would be the last person on earth to claim perfectionism.  THE last.  Frequently disorganized, burning the candle at both ends, trying to juggle everything – bleah!  But with some distance from the experience, I can say personally that I have recognized and struggled with my perfectionism since then.  It is far better than it used to be, but mostly because I know it and can see it much more easily.

Depression would seem to be about the complete opposite of perfectionism.  Depression seeming dark and desperate, sometimes with excessive sleep or eating, below average self care, etc.  Perfectionism seeming to be about everything being super clean and always always in its place.  Let me reintroduce you to depression and perfectionism as a dangerous duo.

The stereotypical descriptions of depression and perfectionism do have some truth to them.  However, perfectionism can also show up in a less expected sort of way.  While some perfectionists give all their energy and effort to do it all “right”, some decide that if they can’t do it “right” then they just won’t do it at all.

You see, these two problems are closely related because they share one important attribute – black and white thinking.  There is only one standard of acceptability, and either it’s 100% right or it’s all wrong.  No in between.

People with depression tend to believe that most things are horribly wrong, and too far gone to ever be right.  Nothing gray is accepted as even partly right.  This blanket judgment creates piles and piles of bad things wherever the person looks.  This allows a debilitating despair to grow, something that hinders people with depression from taking even small steps to get better.

If it’s wrong, it’s all wrong, so why bother?  That’s how the perfectionism angle works with depression.  If this day is going to be as bad as the last day anyway, why bother looking nice or doing something fun.  It won’t matter because nothing can make a dent in how lousy life is.  Since there is no hope for …