Divorce and remarriage is relatively common now.  Most kids know somebody with a stepbrother or stepsister, or at least a step-parent.  This sometimes happens with widows and widowers as well.  But just because it appears normalized, is it always a good idea?

This is a hot question because I am sure many readers have varying opinions on this.  As usual, I will lay out my opinion and thoughts on the topic.  Any opposing or agreeing viewpoints are welcome.  The more honest discussion we have about controversial topics, the more everyone can come to the conclusion right for themselves.  So here we go…

I think most commonly people remarry so they can have a romantic partner again.  The first marriage fell apart, and now there is a gap.  Remarrying fills the gap with the hope that things will be better this time.  Unfortunately, I came across some ugly statistics this morning.  According to MSN, 8 out of 10 divorced people eventually remarry, half of them within three years.  Here’s the ugly part – about 60% of remarriages end up in divorce court with less than a decade of marriage.  Not quite the happy ending most remarrying people anticipate.

I would need to dig a little more to find out exactly how many remarrying people have children in the mix, but I’d imagine it is a lot.  Not to mention that some families have his, hers, and their children.  That’s quite a bit of juggling for everyone. including ex-spouses who have visitation arrangements.

You can probably sense of direction of my opinion by now.  Going through a divorce once is difficult enough for children.  Adjusting to a new spouse and siblings is yet another difficulty.  The prospect that they could go through a second divorce is truly heartbreaking.

I’m not saying that a blended family can never ever work.  Certainly, people can usually come up with an example of someone they know who weathered the storms with a generally good outcome.  However, I want you to truly take the position of a child going through all these huge changes.  They suffer the loss of their family stability, almost certainly less time spent with parents, a step parent they may or may not like being brought into their home and family, lingering mixed feelings towards their parents, step-siblings they didn’t ask for, and a million unanswered questions.

When I consider this perspective, it makes me think that remarriage may be better suited for parents who are empty-nesters.  Parents are less hands-on at this life stage, grown children are expected to be making their own path by this time, and any chaos that comes from the remarriage will have a smaller impact on grown children.

So perhaps a family is faced with the reality of divorce.  And maybe that truly does make the family more stable, safe, and focused on good things.  So where does remarriage fit in?  I would say remarriage is done mostly for the benefit of the lonely parent.  Yes, I know that may upset some of you reading this right now.  And some of you may agree with that statement.  I suppose I’m purposely stirring the pot to generate a bit of conversation here, but never to disrespect those who did what they thought was best at the time.

Please, I encourage anyone with an opinion or some experience with this to add some comments below.  These posts are always so much more interesting and informative  when people add their thoughts and create a conversation.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (December 11, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 11 Dec 2009