Beneath the shiny ornaments, the beautiful bows, the sparkling lights, a dark ugly monster lurks in the shadows at Christmastime.  It waits to steal moments of joy, satisfaction, and contentment from unsuspecting people.  It’s rarely talked about but affects millions.  Perfection.

How much did they spend of me?  Did I spend enough on them?  Does it look good enough?  Does this seem enough like Christmas should?  What if the weather gets bad and we have to cancel everything?  I don’t want them to feel bad because the gifts seem uneven.  I don’t want to look cheap.  My turn to do Christmas isn’t as good as the other families who have hosted before.  I hate that decoration but I have to keep it because it’s a gift.  I should have done more, done something different, not agreed to be the host this year.

Do you feel yourself nodding to some of these phrases?  I know I do.  Some of them have already gone through my mind this week.  I try to dismiss them as quickly as possible, but I can’t always prevent them from popping up in the first place.  How long do you keep fussing about the meal until you don’t enjoy it anymore?  How much money do you spend on wrapping paper and bows to make yourself believe you have impressed your relatives enough?  What nth degree do you decorate to the point that you hate putting it all up because you are “supposed to” or you always have?

I know this is a not a new message from me, but it bears repeating.  Seems that the monster of perfection is a pretty tough cookie, resilient and relentless.  Even people who are aware of their perfection tendencies need a gentle reminder at times.

Whatever you are doing for Christmas, always ask yourself if what you are doing or expecting will rob you of joy.  Ask if your expectations are reasonable and if you have built in enough flexibility to your plans.  Ask yourself what you might feel if something caused your plans to go way off track, like illness, flight delay,  or really bad weather.  Would it be enough to make you feel like everything is ruined?  Would it really matter if you didn’t get every decoration out that you owned?

Each year, give yourself an important and invaluable gift.  Give yourself permission to let go of these thoughts.  Acknowledge them for what they are, but give them no power over you.  Instead of toying with these thoughts, tell yourself that they are guests in your mind but it is time for them to leave.  Graciously escort them to the “door” and close it behind them.

You can have peace at Christmas even if things don’t go as you planned.  Long extended events like Christmas rarely go exactly as you expect, no matter how thorough that plan may be.  Even Plan B may be off-track. Right now my family and I are snowed in at a relative’s house and we knew ahead of time this would happen.  Even my extra packing and planning may not prepare us for the reality of this storm.  Plan B is already not looking realistic, and Plan C may give way to plan D as we see how the storm winds down.  Being through a situation like this is a big reminder that even good planning may not define your experience of Christmas.

Letting go is good, letting go of perfection allows you to let peace in the doorway of your mind.  And that’s a guest you want to have around for a long time.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (December 24, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 24 Dec 2009