I found this interesting article on an Everyday Health e-newsletter that I received this morning.  It discusses the results of a study claiming that having children adds to the happiness of a married couple, but not so much for unmarried parents.

As I always say when referencing studies, this is just ONE study.  No one single study, no matter how awesome it may be, can possibly tell the whole story about a problem, situation, or subject area.  There are simply too many variables that can affect the outcome, even if there are good controls.  The more studies done on a specific “scientific question”, particularly replicating original research conditions, the more reliable the results.

That being said, the result are interesting and worth looking into.  This study apparently measured life satisfaction with the addition of children, with both married and unmarried parents.  One of the researchers suggest that if a couple is married, that signals some amount of readiness or at least willingness to become a parent.  Single or separated parents would obviously have a tougher road as well.  Even if the other parent lives  nearby, it’s not the same as having everyone under the same roof acting as a family team every day.

I would add further a bit more about the difference of a couple living together and a couple being married and living together.  A couple cohabiting together may believe that they are acting as husband and wife, but truthfully there is no lifelong commitment made.  There is no official obligation to be faithful, anyone could leave at any time or get in touch with ex’s, there’s not much red tape to untie, no vows made before others to signify complete devotion to each other.

Marriage really is more than just a piece of paper – it’s also a mindset and a life-altering decision.  To use a phrase from the researcher quoted in the article, I’m concluding that cohabiting is probably not one of those “right conditions” that helps people feel happier or more ready for parenthood.  I have seen enough in my counseling days to say I believe that.

Parenting is tough anyway, and if your relationship status is lowering your sense of security or stability, for any reason, it’s going to feel even tougher.  Granted, married people cheat and bail at times, too.  But the stats would be notably higher for cohabiting people.  Plus single and separated parents often get involved in dating and sometimes remarriage.  That’s not directly addressed in this article, but I can just imagine that any additional satisfaction may or may not balance out the stress of blending families or managing dating and parenthood at the same time.

I know my opinions about this may ruffle some feathers.  Many single parents are out there, many separated parents, and many cohabiting parents.  It may or may not have been your choice to parent in this way, or perhaps you started out being married or engaged and things turned out differently.  And if you are living with your partner and have children, this might be a good time for some self reflection about your situation.  I’m not trying to tell you that you’re a bad person.  I’m just saying that living together s simply not the most stable situation for parenthood, and from the results of the study, not the most satisfying situation either.  For the sake of you and your children, it’s worth some self reflection.

This topic can get controversial with so many parents being divorced, separated, single, dating, living together, etc.  I’d encourage some discussion and commenting.  This is my opinion, but I’d like to hear yours as well.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (November 5, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 5 Nov 2009