Parenting can be so difficult when you use too much of a good thing and not enough of another. I’m taking a cue from one of my fair readers who commented on the mother-daughter post a few days ago.
It’s about being too strict or too lenient, and then finding yourself on the opposite extreme end trying to make up for it. I understand this well. While I do believe I generally ride down the middle of these lines, I know when I start feeling like I’m too far in one direction.
As I’m writing this, I realize what’s driving my swing in either direction – emotion. I’m not sure if this is what you would relate to, but my first sense was that I over-corrected because of my emotional state. When I get too much crabby drill sergeant going on, I start to feel guilty that I’m being unreasonable.
In order to “make up” for going overboard, I make greater allowances and go soft for a little while. You know, it’s the least I can do after they suffered me. Do you see where this is going?? When I get my mood out of the way and focus on the big picture, I can get things back to a good balance.
I think every parent does this to some extent. I mean, we are all human and we all get swept up in our emotions. That’s very normal, so don’t go beating yourself up if you do this sometimes! But do pay attention to whether this is a “sometimes” kind of thing or a “most of the time” kind of thing.
Do your kids live by two sets of rules – one for when mom or dad are too easy-going and one when mom or dad is uptight and demanding? If you think this might be to similar to your own situation, don’t panic. Take a few days to pay attention to your mood swings and how you handle them.
If you think you do a lot of any of those things, you may be living in a nearly constant state of emotional volatility. Anxiety, feeling down a lot, anger, defensiveness – any of these feelings in large quantities can make you ripe for strong emotional responses. And as I said earlier in this post, that emotionality is what can keep your discipline approach swinging back and forth between extremes.
This could be very enlightening for you, even if you believe you are pretty close down the middle much of the time. Honestly, just sitting and writing about it has made me think a little more about my own patterns. You may need to start taking care of yourself differently and looking at where these troubling feelings are coming from. Perhaps you need to talk wtih your spouse about being more of a family team.
Maybe you need a stronger support system of moms or dads going through similar struggles. Or, perhaps you are uncovering a mental health problem that could benefit from some counseling or some talks with your pastor. When you can manage your emotions better, you can be a more effective parent. A little self observation like this can really pay off.
Share with me what you are thinking about right now, or if you have notice anything like this with your parenting.
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