I’ve smacked my forehead and gritted my teeth more than once about this.  I have a kid capable of XYZ amazing thing, but with this other ABC skill it’s like they are a much younger kid.  Sigh – and herein lies the test of patience for parents.  Understanding that their kids’ skills don’t all show up at the same rate.

I have one kid who’s been in the high ability learner category for years.  Somehow, still eats like a preschooler.  I have another who’s social awareness is significantly higher than her siblings, but can’t remember pick up her dirty clothes to save her life.  Yet one more who has consistently gotten recognition at school for responsibility and following directions, but has trouble with certain personal care tasks each and every day.

My problem?  I expect it all to come in at the same speed – or in my dream world, that is.  Hopefully, I’m not the only one who’s fallen for this pipe dream.  When you see growth in leaps and bounds in one area, it is sometimes dumbfounding to see how lacking they still are in another.  Sometimes it’s quite dramatic.

Recently, I was reminded by someone in my family about my own issues as a kid.  Ahem, yes I remember too.  I was pretty sloppy for a lot of years.  Now that I think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom pulled her hair a lot back then when she saw my room.  However, I did do many good things with my time back then and finally developed better organization skills in my thirties.  (Ooo, how impatient do I look now about my kid??)

I guess this could follow the theory about children’s physical development.  When a baby is learning to walk, they might not make much advancement in their speech.  When they are busy managing an explosion of words, they may still be slow in the physical department.  The body and mind make choices on what they can focus on.

Just thinking about it like this makes me see it a little differently.  Perhaps instead of seeing this as a time that my one daughter is really lacking in the personal care department, I need to see it as the amazing time she’s going to be advancing in something else important.  Like starting to read or learning how to be responsible and respectful in a group setting.

Sometimes, development needs to leap forward.  And for it to leap, other things must be still and not be in the way.  At some point, my one daughter will learn the importance of picking up after herself.  And another one will have all her personal care routines down pat.  And my other will discover her inner Miss Manners.  Until then, I need to turn my eyes to a different direction so I don’t miss the real action.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (October 7, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 6 Oct 2009