I read with great interest your article on, Child of Alcoholism – Hero Child. BOTH of my parents were alcoholics – BOTH died from alcoholism as well. My father died at the age of 53 and my mother at the age of 57. I am now 56. I have only been in treatment for SEVERE depression/anxiety for the past 16 years, and I have currently begun seeing a new psychyatrist who believe really HEARS MY PAIN!
Although I was the 3rd child born, I can see I was the hero child.
THANK YOU so much for your work and future efforts. You also hear the pain of all of us screaming silently of shame and guilt!

Reading your item on the hero child definitely rang true for me, I grew up in a very abusive household & my father was also an alcoholic. I am the youngest of three, and the hero child. You are right Erika, approval never came, still hasn’t, nomatter how well I do or how hard I have & do work it somehow never feels good enough for the family – and everyone has bought into it, others that achieve have dinner parties thrown for them in their honour, showered with recognition & gifts for their achievement, I barely get an acknowledgement & yes, it has always been that way, as a child & now as an adult.

Facing the truth about who the achievement is for, who’s gain is it? IS it for me, is it for their approval & recognition of what? Worthiness, valuable, intelligence or what? My goals changes a few years ago on the reasons for any academic gain, those gains became for me, for my own children & I always recognise my children’s gains big & small. It is painful to realise that approval or recognition will never come from anyone in my immediate family & I struggle to overcome that pain as an adult. Still, I hope I have at the very least, learned to give my own children credit they deserve that results from their hard work & efforts.

K )

“Eventually, the stress and strain of giving so much of themselves for the sake of the family – and for what?”…Huh?

Both parents alcoholic. Mother died 54, Father WWII, Administrator of lawfirm, in AA starting at 65 years old.
Oldest brother: engineer, alcoholic died at 56
2nd oldest brother: Dr, denial or hero
older sister: nurse, comedian, takes meds & alcohol, married to alcoholic
me: blacksheep, teacher, let the secret out
younger sister: nurse, suicidal using anorxia
Everyone in therapy for years or dead

It’s been quite a ride, interested that the DSM !v states symptoms of alcoholism are the same as symptoms of PTSD.

I grew up in a very abusive household & my father was also an alcoholic. I am the youngest of three I myself have suffered with a long term alcohol addiction, I thought there was no way out, it was just one big cycle. I have now overcome my addiction and I am no longer an alcoholic, if anyone is reading this and needs help and support I seriously recommend this site Healthwise Global http://www.healthwise-global.com which is fantastic for helping manage stress, the site does have a special program to help overcome alcohol addiction ( which I used), the man who started the site was himself and alcoholic. I hope it helps any one who is reading this article.
Thank you for writing this article, in so odd way it has made me a peace with myself

Talk about sucked dry, I’ve been unemployed for all of 5 years except 1-1/2 mos. I think that not only did I try to be the hero no matter how detrimental to myself, but I thought my few suicidal thoughts in adolescence finally swayed me with multiple counselor’s, Drs. and Psychiatrists suggesting pills, I gave in. Since… I’ve actually nearly taken my life three times, have had multiple violent arguments (alcohol and antidepressants NO-NO), have admitted myself to mental hospital twice, and all the while have been misdiagnosed, prescribed overdosing amounts of pills, enough to put me to sleep for 4 days at a time and give me a new disease sleeping disorder!! I don’t actually have :-O, and meds. which should never have been combined and multitudes of side effects, I have been declared disabled by the state, and ineffectually am able to care for myself. At nearly 25 years of age I had contributed in designing and drafting, hospitals, casinos, racetracks, airports, public and private schools and community facilities,+, & was an A-B average student, working my way through school with the start of a 401k, completly dry from partying in highschool ( even cigarrettes), fearful yet looking forward to building my own family. It all started (the pills) as I drove to school from work and experienced 2 consecutive, full, panic attacks on my way to school from work. Now I can barely leave my house now at times the panic and anxiety physically hurts too much (heightened anxiety due to withdrawals for over 6 mos. to an anti-pschitsofrenic medication I was ultimatum-ed to take while last in the hospital or be detained) I came in having been delussional and hallucinated for 3 weeks coming off of an antidepressant 1yr, ADD med (high dose) 2 weeks, and a bipolar med combined (because my regular state Dr. disagreed with ADD prescription, so he told me to take all three..) I lost 20 lbs off of 127 in less then 2 weeks, not retaining and sustenance I forcibly consumed, and they told me to continue the medications, it wasn’t until they put me back on the bipolar meds in the inpatient Mental Health Hospital that I left them a beautiful bathroom wall art to my chagrin, that in all their medical wisdom they were reminded I do not lie. Not only do I not trust the State, University, or private medical or mental health doctors, my family, now I know I can not trust my own judgments as I thought once could.

My brother who I was told to protect has been to jail, and is now a steady alcoholic, yet functioning a bit more actually going to school, & working.
I’ve had more then 28 “professionals” tell me to leave my folks and never look back, actually to convince myself they are dead if it will create the separation. My parents did not hit me..though the pain may have seemed more justifyable with physical evidence, I know better or worse it’s taken all from me what ever I provided. Not only am I horrible at choosing people to be in my life, I am to expect myself to be grieving the ones given to me, in order learn to love myself essentially!
There are no materials in life that can replace people, and when asking for help, esp. when not competent to help one’s self proves nearly detrimental, it’s easy to give up…I did not choose easy, nor to quit, and those who have been helpful (kept me from dying) have been psychics/ the suicide helpline, personal blogs about meds, my ex-fiancé once, and most often that which I cannot see… believe me, that has me further questioning my sanity. God bless strangers and strange things, and moments of selflessness even by those close to me.
This article is a very fundamental description of the formula of this family type/role is that I have experienced. Thank you for your output.