A parent’s work is never done it seems.  Feeding, driving, monitoring, scolding, praising, kid-wrangling, caring – it goes on and on.  Plus there’s work, errands, activities, and family outings to throw in there.  Then for the bonus round – toss in a family member with a health problem, financial concerns, and a local weather disaster.  Are you stressed yet?  More importantly, how do you keep it from coming out in your parenting?

Sometimes, you might think you are holding it all together fairly well.  You haven’t started any dangerous habits, people still end up where they need to be, and you still have a roof over your head.  Good enough?  Probably, but anything causing you to give extra time or attention could be slowly siphoning away your patience.

Here’s how you might see that your stress is spilling over onto others.  You get extra picky about the state of your kids’ rooms.  You turn a minor problem with a friend into a mile-long email discussion.  You feel like a victim and start saying things like “nobody ever”, “except for me”, “I always have to”, etc.

So once you realize this is happening, it’s time to do something and turn it around.  No, you may not be able to change the root of the problem.  But the first and best step is to realize that something isn’t right.  I don’t mean saying, “Yeah, it’s because it’s been crazy around here.”  Get right to it – a new activity that changed the supper schedule, someone’s been sick and needed more attention from you, your parents are moving next week and they keep calling you away from your house for help.

I did all of the “signs of stress” listed up there just this week.  I thought I was over the stress of my daughter’s surgery once we got home.  I was wrong about that.  I was still worked up because she required a few days of extra care and attention.  I was being summoned frequently and I was the only one available to do it most of the day.

I did all of this lovingly and with attention to detail, but I had not realized how hyper-reactive I had become.  Everything upsetting hit me more quickly and with a stronger reaction.  Only after my daughter was doing a lot more on her own did I realize what I’d been like during the early part of the week.  I finally just let myself relax more and things have been more easygoing.  Everyone’s happier that way, but it took me a while to understand what had happened.

Once I made some amends, I started taking more rejuvenation time for myself and being more positive with everyone.  It has made all the difference.  Once you realize how your stress is affecting everyone else, you can understand the importance of managing it well.  Nobody’s perfect, and most people will understand when you come right to the truth of your problem.  Carrying on like you are superhuman will eventually trickle down through your relationships.

So take a dose of self-honesty, forgive yourself, do what you can about the source of stress, and then do something that relaxes you.  I learned this lesson big-time this week, and I’m even the so-called expert writing on this blog!  Nobody is immune to stress, but you can prevent damage to your important relationships.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (July 7, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 7 Jul 2009