My daughter talked to me recently about her perspective on getting older. She’s in upper elementary school now, and was commenting on what she used to think of kids her age when she was in Kindergarten. She was in such awe of the fourth and fifth graders, thought they knew a lot and could do so much. In dance and gymnastics, they were the kids she and other girls her age really looked up to. These older kids were her role models of how to do well in her school and favorite activity.
Now comes the kicker – she doesn’t see so many kids that are older than her because she IS one of those older kids now. She’s still looking ahead to whoever is bigger than her. Somehow, being the older kid doesn’t feel like she thought it would.
So she’s looking forward but also looking back. It’s like she’s been riding on a long car trip and happened to glance behind her. The scenery looks so much different after you’ve been traveling for a while, both behind and in front. This is such an important part of emotional and personal development. When you get perspective on your life journey, it is often humbling. You’ve probably done more than you give yourself credit for. You probably have people looking up to you that you didn’t expect or realize. Some goals are probably closer than you’ve been thinking.
Jumping into a conversation like this with your child might sound tough, but this is the perfect time for it. Summer break is a natural time of transition from school to summer activity. The new possibilities for the upcoming school year, the recent closing of the last school year, new or advanced activities for this summer – all of these can give you a launching pad for a “how do you think you’re growing up right now?” kind of conversation.
Older kids benefit from mentoring younger kids. It helps them develop a sense of empathy, patience, and integrity. They enjoy being the older wiser kid and they may also have fond memories of older kids helping them. The “teacher” almost always learns more than the learner. Older kids tap into their creativity and expand their understanding of any topic they are teaching or helping with.
Oldest siblings have a natural mentoring opportunity in their home, but don’t worry if you have an only child or you are working with a youngest child. Find younger kids in your neighborhood, your church, the school, youth sports – anywhere an older kid can lend a helping hand. And just asking a question or two about what it’s been like to grow up and be the “older kid” is a great place to start.
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