Intervention is not a show to start watching casually. The stories are always to compelling and surprising. The images and emotions usually stay with me for days. Last night I caught half of two shows, one about a woman huffing computer duster and another woman who was an alcoholic.
Once I hear the parents and other family members begin to talk about heir loved one, my first reaction is one of compassion and sorrow. My next is fear that one of my own children might end up addicted to something like the people on the show. How horrible must the family members feel watching their loved one slowly kill themselves with drugs? Granted, nearly everyone featured in these stories has some pretty difficult life situations. Usually there’s a divorce, death or abandonment, sometimes abuse, and often at least one other family member with a history of addiction.
The common thread seems to be an event or circumstance that causes a huge cavernous pain inside. The featured addict endured a great deal of stress and emotion, and often seemed to try other ways of distracting themselves before turning to drugs. One man got into porn before drugs, another girl was an overachiever making herself too busy with grades and activities, and another got married and had babies at an early age.
Before too long, these lifestyles collided with drugs or alcohol. It became their comfort blanket, giving them refuge from the unending pain and shame. Because they hadn’t dealt with their emotions directly, they quickly developed a dangerous addiction.
I’m not saying that if you have had a divorce, death, or some form of chaos in your family that you should be panicking about your kids falling into drug addiction. I’m just sharing my genuine reactions and inviting comment from families who have been there. And the truth is that some triggers could be unexpected. A car accident with use of prescription medication for pain, being raped as a teen, sudden death of a parent - things like that we as parents can’t control. Just like no one could predict that childbirth would bring depression into my life.
Just be aware of situations and events that could cause your kids deep lasting pain and be there for them. And keep in mind that plenty of people go through family deaths, divorce, and other problems and do not abuse drugs. They find other ways to manage their pain and don’t create an addiction.
Please, if you have been through this with your own child, someone else in your family, or if you have been addicted to drugs or alcohol, feel free to share your comments. I know some things about addiction professionally, but I am no expert of the experience.
Related Posts
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
As a “recovering parent” of an addict child - there is nothing that can prepare you for the experience - not even growing up in the drug culture. Everything that could be done as far as prevention, intervention, toughlove, etc. . . . can just be washed away and you will be better off going to Alanon than a therapist (no offense Erika - just my opinion). Very insightful and well-written account of the parent-of-addict experience is told by David Sheff in his book, Beautiful Boy.
Although the recovery programs and psych wards do have plenty of people who have gone through “pretty difficult situations,” addiction can also just happen. What, one in eight or ten people have tendency toward addiction? Multiply that by the percentage of young people who try drugs - and you tend to not get real excited about legalization, although that will probably happen at some point. In the end, you settle for the three C’s of Alanon: You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. (Although you will often wonder if there was more you could have done.)
Unfortunately, year after year more and more individuals are effected by either drug and/or alcohol abuse. For those individuals finding the proper treatment is imperative to their road to recovery. DrugAbuse.com and AlcoholAbuse.com are great informational sites, which focus on both drug and alcohol abuse, the symptoms and causes of each, as well as the different treatment options that are available. If you or someone you know is in need of help for drug and/or alcohol abuse, please visit http://www.drugabuse.com or http://www.alcoholabuse.com.
Fortunately, I would like to share a bright side to this tragic and horrible truth. As a teenager, I discovered my mother was abusing drugs from work (she is a surgeon) and had become addicted. I carried this secret for 3 years in high school until finally, in my sophomore year of college my mom realized she had a problem and entered rehab. My younger sister was hit much harder than I was by this, as she did not know of my mothers problem before hand as I had. I am so incredibly thankful to say today that this situation only made us stronger and closer as a family, and that everyone including my mother is healthy, strong, and beautiful still today. Although we did have pain (I suffered with severe greiving, guilt, and depression for several months afterwards) we weathered the storm as a family and have come out on top.
I am sharing to show those of you struggling with addiction in a loved one, or even yourself, that there is HOPE and that with love and perserverance you can survive.
God
My stepson- OD’d at age 26 - after binge drinking w/friends because he was upset over a separation from his girlfriend. He was an alcoholic, sober for about 1 year; the ME indicated that on that one night he drank as much as he did when he had been drinking all the time, but his tolerance had dropped. He went to sleep and stopped breathing.
He had had been “experimenting” with alcohol and pot from around his early teens. His parents had divorced when he was about 7; his relationship with his mom, who had custody ’til he was 13, had been angry and disappointing to both. His father cared a lot for both his sons, but never could/would take on the role of disciplinarian once he had custody-I mean in a positive way, setting boundaries, etc. I think this may have contibuted to this son’s impulsivity - then again, his brother seemed to be fine.
My stepson was not horribly negative, or nasty, and was witty and could be very thoughtful, but he pushed the boundaries in every way. Some ways were OK - he was a bold and skilled motorcyclist. Other ways - very scary. When he was about 21, I told him that he had to agree to stop using any drugs while living at home, and get into an alcohol treatment program - or move out -because I couldn’t live with the constant fear and stress ( it brought back feelings I had about my alcoholic father). He moved out – but eventually did go to NA and AA.
I do remember that at one holiday, he announced that he was involved in AA and NA, - and his grandparents, father and brother completely ignored - were deaf to - his comments about his addiction. It was very strange - you might say the elephant was not just in the room, but dancing around, stomping on all the feet, and still apparently invisible to everyone but him and me. He was no longer in denial; but a lot of the family was.
As the step mom, I was the one aware of a problem, the reactor, and we sometimes got into fights over the drug and alcohol use. I hated my own loss of temper, but don’t feel it was as crazy-making for him as the pretense that all was well.
His death came at a time when I thought he had been doing well in this part of his life - and he had a great girlfriend, had made peace with his mom, and seemed to be more at peace with himself. His brother and father were devastated, I felt horrible -grandparents grieved. There was no gift that came from this loss; it was a waste of life, stupid, ugly.
The lessons? Maybe just the obvious ones - pay attention to what’s happening. Be really clear that you love him/her but equally clear about your expectations. Love and support your partner if you have one. Ideally – don’t marry and have children unless you are really committed. Then cross your fingers - or pray.
If you must deal with the situation alone, as a single parent, or because of an uninvolved partner, get help. If you do divorce -help the children to maintain relationships with ALL relatives and friends who can provide stability and love. You can’t do it alone.[ Isee you have a column on divorce which covers all this] There’s still NO guarantee that children will be (reasonably) happy and healthy, but you really improve the odds for them to have a good life.
And then – remember Onanon’s comments - accept that you do not have the power to cause, control or cure addictions.
And - a quote from Helen Keller reminding us that our stuggles are what make us human:
“When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us, their arms and their understanding.”
I need to know if I have the right to somehow have my son committed into a rehab for drug addiction (?)
My Daughter who was 3 and a half years older than him just “passed away” from a heroin addiction 10 months ago . He is 27 years old , he is still living at home and I can’t put him out of the house because that is what I did with my Daughter and now she died from Drugs! I found out from his girlfriend that He had tried the drug with his sister a couple of times before she Died …..I can see the signs that he is “Using” Of course he swears it isn’t true , I AM TERRIFIED I don’t want to loose another child to drugs ! Please help me save my sons life!
to Peggy - step one is get help for YOURSELF. Try Alanon, or call your local mental health society or public agency and find out about groups and individual help available for people with your problem. Being frantic and terrified all the time will just destroy you.
He cannot be committed anywhere unless he is an obvious immediate risk to himself or others; it doesn’t sound as if this is the case.
Another thought: Would he go with you to counseling sessions regarding his sister’s death to support you? This way you are not putting him on the spot as having the “problem” yet you have made one step to begin a process to help both of you. It might allow him to hear your fear without becoming defensive.
I LOST MY SON, AGE 22 TO AN OVERDOSE. I THEN BECAME ADDICTED TO DRUGS BECAUSE OF THIS PAIN.(NOT AN EXCUSE) i WENT TO REHAB, HAD ALOT OF SUPPORT AND NOW I’M HAPPY TO REPORT CLEAN FOR 6 YEARS. I AM NOT ATTENDING COLLEGE OTO GET MY DEGREE AS A DRUG AND ALCOHOL COUNSELOR.. I FOUND MY HIGHER POWER AND LIVE EVERYDAY FOR HIM. HE HAS LEAD ME IN THIS DIRECTION AND I LOVE MY LIFE. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GRANDAUGHER WHO LOVES ME AND I ADORE. HER DAD IS IN JAIL DUE TO HIS ADDICTION. WE HAVE ALL SUFFERED BUT LET ME TELL YOU THERE IS HOPE. I AM A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THIS.
SO PLEASE HANG IN THERE AND KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I AM GOING TO SCCHOOL SO THAT I CAN HELP KIDS AND PARENTS LEARN TO LOVE GOD AND EACHOTHER. IF I CAN HELP ONE PERSON I WILL HAVE FOUND MY PURPOSE FOR THIS PAIN. DON’T GIVE UP. ALSO, PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORIES WITH ME. I AM DOING A APAPER ON ADDICTION AND HOW IT EFFECTS THE FAMILY. I WOULD LOVE YOUR IMPUT. GOD BLESS,JAN
I have been a drug addict for years.I lost my kids and my family,but have since got them back.I have been clean for 14 months.I am happy.I am in counseling and therapy.I got to meetings and thrive in my environment.I still stay with family and I am not strong enough to be on my own.I read and pray everyday.I have alot of grieving due to my drug addiction.But I carry on,thrilled to be alive.I am free.I am available.Please feel free to contact me.
Copyright © 1992-2009 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 24 Nov 2009
|
