Depression and Worries After Surgery
Things are going well after my daughter’s surgery. She had a bone graft from her hip to her mouth to fully repair a cleft palate. There are two surgery sites to watch out for and some rigorous care instructions and restrictions. I’m so very glad to be over the hump, but the long haul of aftercare is here.
Lord, help me if we have to go through all this again. My daughter, our family, and I know that if the post-surgery care isn’t followed to the letter, she could risk injuring the mouth surgery site or getting an infection. Both of those things increase the chance that the surgery doesn’t take. I’m certain there are parents who do everything right only to find that the surgery still didn’t take. But I don’t want to know that I got lax on something that put her at risk.
It’s making me really protective of her and extra conservative about what she’s allowed to do. I mean, parents are like that and I know I’m not unique in that sense. But this isn’t just a bump on the head I’m trying to avoid. I feel like there is so much at stake here, so much potential time and suffering on the line. Even as I’m writing this I’m discovering that I have a lot of potential for guilt here if something goes wrong. I”m her primary care person and I feel like the success of this surgery is on my shoulders. And maybe, some of my motivation for being so conservative with her stems from trying to prevent the guilt.
What if I did let her cheat and walk on her own too soon? What if I gave her something that wasn’t soft and liquidy enough? What if I had a sitter here and my daughter fell or got really frustrated? what if a stray ball did come close to hitting her in the face at recess when she’s still on restriction and I had said it was OK to stand outside? These thoughts are all based on real risks, but it looks like I need to watch my thoughts. I’ll need to face that worry straight on so it doesn’t take me on a ride.
I promise, I won’t be rambling about this for weeks, but I’ve had a lot building up in my mind while I was gone last week. I hope to share my most meaningful discoveries and thoughts to give you insight into your own worries and negative thinking. The important thing is that she is doing well. And that gives my mothering heart some real peace.
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Erika — you are not alone! My grandson had the same surgery 7 years ago and survived without incident in spite of our worrying and trying to wrap him up in cotton wool. Keep your eye on the end result & give your daughter lots of TLC – it’ll help both of you get thru this.
Thanks, Deborah. I DO want to wrap her all up in something thick and cushy so nothing bumps her and she doesn’t fall. Totally. Glad I wasn’t the only one thinking that 
Tomorrow I’m letting her walk around all by herself without me holding on to her. Sounds like I’m talking about a one year old. LOL!
I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this- my daughter had cancer 5 years ago, and since I’ve got a few issues with panic and anxiety you could say that it wasn’t the most fun that we’ve had. Although obviously she went through a lot more than I did, I managed to worry enough for 10 people, pretty much all of it unnecessary. I’m pretty sure that the first walk was more painful for me though- she was raring to go.
I’m sure that she’ll be fine- give her lots of cuddling, follow the aftercare instructions, and try to concentrate on other things if you get into a “what if” cycle. You’ll be amazed at how quickly she’ll bounce back, and she’s lucky to have a parent who cares so much.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) she has a strong driving motor inside her. She gets impatient easily at times, but it is helping to propel her forward when other kids might be reluctant to move through pain. She’s been walking around a little on her own this morning. My husband let her do it a little last night, too. So far so good!
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