Comments on: More Help Working with Sensitive Children

By: Mike

Mike — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 05:46:03 +0000

Melanie and others,
I see that this post was years ago, but we are in an identical situation. If you our anyone else can relate to her post please let me know. Our 6 yr old son is crying upon waking until drop off and cries during slow(unstructured) times during the school day (kindergarten). He says he feels safe, he has friends, he just misses his mom. This is a Spanish immersion school and I think that may make it worse.
Anyone with true experience?

Mike

By: Erika Krull, MS, LMHP

Erika Krull, MS, LMHP — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:21:32 +0000

Lydia,

Thanks for writing in. While I’m not a specialist in disorders like overly sensitive children, I do have a few things I can say here. First, I think you are on the right track with the speech therapist and with being so observant of her patterns and behaviors. Second, I think you ought to connect with a child psychologist who specializes in this type of thing. Not so much that she is so disordered, but because that specialist could teach you as a family to help understand how to support her and also encourage her to keep moving forward. Also, I think you should ask your doctor to look into all the extra sleep and everything. Could there be some sort of underlying physical condition or syndrome that is robbing her of her energy and positive emotions? She may qualify for some kind of Early Intervention team from your school district. They work with kids younger than school age on these very types of things. They can give you a multidisciplinary approach that can help you see more sides to the picture.

I hope that wasn’t confusing, but you shouldn’t have to feel that the burden to figure this out is completely on you. There are specialists out there that can help you and your daughter. Do try to relax a little and not add your own stress to hers, but also get some information and other people on your team to make things somewhat better. Take care.

By: Lydia

Lydia — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:37:34 +0000

My four year old is a very sensitive child. We have dealt with a number of issues over the past few years, but I have some very specific questions as she gets closer to preschool. Her speech is extremely delayed and we are currently seeing a therapist for that. Her limited vocabulary I know has contributed much to her many frustrations. My questions are mostly concerning how I can help her to relax when life overwhelms and how I can help her learn to deal with frustration when she doesn’t get her way. I know she can communicate more efficiently than she does, so I also suspect that confidence is a big issue for her. I am eager to help her learn these skills while she is still young and close to me. She has MANY endearing qualities but seems much too stressed and weighed down for her four years. As a side note, but possibly related, she seems to need much more sleep than the average child her age. She still takes (needs) 2-3 hour naps in the afternoon and sleeps 10-11 hours at night. If her sleep schedule is interrupted in any way she is weepy, irritable, very whiney and uncharacteristically disobedient and over-the-top silly. (The crazy silliness I have suspected is perhaps some kind of coping mechanism she has developed.) In the very least, could you recommend what type of help we could/should be pursuing for her, or if, as my mother says, I should relax and realize that she will come to learn things in her own time. Also, I should mention that she has always been at home with me and will continue to be so for preschool and so on until the need should arise for her to be in a outside school program.

By: Melanie

Melanie — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:16:32 +0000

I think my 5 year old daughter is a sensitive child and her transition to kindergarten has been emotionally draining for both of us. I have always worked full time and my mother cared for her during work hours. She had no babysitters outside of the family and I knew that it would be difficult for her to transition to a new enviroment,but I didn’t realize how much so. She has been in kindergarten for six weeks now and morning separations have not gotten any easier. She begins crying from the moment she wakes up until I drop her off at her classroom and her teacher has to physically lead her away from me as she tries to hold on. I have tried a number of things, (leaving her with a small momento in her pocket, planning special times for after school, putting her favorite stuffed animal in her backpack) but nothing seems to quell her anxiety. I quickly exit the room after saying good-bye and her teacher is great about trying to distract her and get her into the morning routine. I’m told that she doesn’t cry for long in the mornings, but she also cries at other unstructured parts of the day (lunch, recess, rest-time). When I pick her up at the end of the day she seems very positive about her school experience, but the crying repeats itself every morning. It breaks my heart because I was also a shy/sensitive child and I know the discomfort she’s feeling. I just don’t know if there is anything else I should be doing for her. I’m trying to strike a balance between being validating and empathetic and not re-inforcing her fears and anxiety. Growing up sensitive is not an easy thing and I don’t know how to help.

By: Aundrea

Aundrea — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:37:30 +0000

Hi
I am a mother of a sensitive child, she’s 10. I have been stuggling with this since she was in the first grade she crys when things are hard are different she has had some very understanding teachers and that has helped a lot. I remember one day I had to go to her school she was so upset and sobing because a child called her a cry baby and she said he was suppose to be her friend, and why would she say that to her, my heart broke to see my child so upset. I talk to her and told her that not all kids are nice and she should not worry about what kids think of her. but I told her that you do cry and some kids see that as being a baby what she said was wrong. sometimes I think I make things worst for her by cuddling her, and trying to explain what is going on.

By: Jenna Forrest

Jenna Forrest — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:09:25 +0000

As an empowerment coach for sensitive people, I’m glad to see that this issue is being discussed. A lot of sensitive kids are hiding in the woodworks waiting for some guidance on how to manage all of the incoming information. Many times, these kids become anxious adults if their needs are not validated and addressed. I wrote a memoir (Help Is On Its Way * Amazon.com) to shine a spotlight on this issue of growing up sensitive without much guidance along the way. There’s also information about parenting sensitive kids and a newsletter signup on my website http://www.jennaforrest.com. Thank you for giving attention to this often overlooked trait.

By: Erika Krull, MS, LMHP

Erika Krull, MS, LMHP — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:41:18 +0000

Sharon,

Well thank you so much for being a regular reader! I appreciate it. As far as your situation, do you have an early developmental professional that you are currently working with? Two of my girls had some early speech issues. None of them seemed to develop into anything severe, but I got exposed to some wonderful Early Intervention professionals. If you have people like this at your disposal, then ask some of your specific questions to them. They may have some really good ideas once they’ve gotten a chance to know your child, you, and your environment. If you don’t have anyone like this working with you, contact your school district and see who is available for your needs.

Or perhaps, you could have a few sessions with a therapist who specializes in young kids and who would understand the temperament thing. Not that he necessarily has a mental disturbance, but that you could use some specific ways to stay calm and help him manage his emotional needs.

I really think a good relationship with one of these professionals will help you the most, so I wish you luck with this pursuit. And again, thanks for reading my blog. Let me know if you have any other topics you’d like to read more about or questions.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:15:13 +0000

My 3yr old son is a happy child – as long as everything is as it ‘should’ be. He is also a ‘sensitive’ child and maybe excessively so. Change and fear in various situations are cause for a complete breakdown. He whines, cries/screams, jumps, requests to be picked up (he’ll walk in front of me if I’m walking and block me to get me to pick him up – I used to oblige but he’s getting too big and I’m getting too old). I do get frustrated at times because it does sometimes border (at least in my mind) on being spoiled. I’ve managed to bring his fear of elevators from a terrifying and horrific situation to one that only causes mild anxiety (for both of us). His fear of new places or his frustration at finding a missing toy we’re still working on.

I’ve never let my mom baby sit them because as she says, “It’s [my] fault” he behaves this way. I don’t agree. I am able to talk him through a lot of situations even if they are difficult, without the beatings (my mother had 4 perfectly behaved children but 4 totally screwed up adults. None of us have any social skills and tend to repress our emotions till we explode cuz she beat them nice and deep inside of us). We weren’t allowed to cry or fuss like kids do.

I love it that my son and his twin sister are able to express themselves freely with me but it seems that the sensitivity is a bit much. Yes it is frustrating but I’m under agreement with you that it’s just his temperament. I should mention that he’s in a preschool program for children with disabilities as he’s a bit delayed in a few areas but extremely advanced in others. He’s not been diagnosed with anything other than developmental delays.

I guess I’m just curious to see if you have any suggestions for this apparently not so unique situation. Thank you for this wonderful blog. . .I also have 20 and 18yr old daughters in addition to the twins. I love reading your articles!

By: Erika Krull, MS, LMHP

Erika Krull, MS, LMHP — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:43:46 +0000

To Denise and Cooper,

I hoped what I wrote spoke to those who have truly grown up with sensitivities like those and not to be disresptectful. It’s a balance between firmness and empathy. Too much empathy creates a victimhood feeling that keeps the child really vulnerable. And not enough empathy, like you two have experienced, obviously does damage.

I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. I saw a young child some months ago over a period of days who started out really teary and clingy. I wasn’t sure how it would all turn out. A few days later, he seemed more relaxed and able to enjoy himself. Still some problems now and then, but not really like the beginning. All it took was some time and understanding from those around him and things got better.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

By: denise

denise — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:56:43 +0000

I was such a sensitive child that I think I cried all the way through my childhood. I was teased and bullied by my siblings (with no intervention from parents) deliberately just to make me cry, then teased for crying about it. Then, when I was 11 due to family circumstances I changed schools and cities and living situations until I graduated at 18. Nine different schools altogether, sometimes moving mid-school year. I can see now what emotional torture that was for me. I suffer from chronic depression and (no surprise) social anxiety as an adult, now 50 yrs old. I was (am) ashamed of my behavior and find that I still am uncomfortable looking people in the eye and speaking to a group. I actually experience paid when being looked at or, God forbid, having my picture taken. I don’t know why I was born this way but it was definitely reinforced by my life’s experiences. As a result I am a very private person and tend to hide away from all emotionality. It’s a shame because I realize that I have talents I could never develop. Kids like me need emotional security and protection from what feels like constant negative forces upon us.