I think I’m a sensitive child, because I hate new things, and I over-react to anger. I agreed with your post from yesterday, about how “Empathy and understanding are vital for helping a sensitive child. They need to know that you understand their fears and uncertainties. These feelings are very real for a sensitive child, and brushing them off will put up a huge barrier between you.” My parents reacted angrily to my fears and uncertianties recently, and now I won’t tell them anything remotely personal because I’m afraid of getting the same reaction.

I was such a sensitive child that I think I cried all the way through my childhood. I was teased and bullied by my siblings (with no intervention from parents) deliberately just to make me cry, then teased for crying about it. Then, when I was 11 due to family circumstances I changed schools and cities and living situations until I graduated at 18. Nine different schools altogether, sometimes moving mid-school year. I can see now what emotional torture that was for me. I suffer from chronic depression and (no surprise) social anxiety as an adult, now 50 yrs old. I was (am) ashamed of my behavior and find that I still am uncomfortable looking people in the eye and speaking to a group. I actually experience paid when being looked at or, God forbid, having my picture taken. I don’t know why I was born this way but it was definitely reinforced by my life’s experiences. As a result I am a very private person and tend to hide away from all emotionality. It’s a shame because I realize that I have talents I could never develop. Kids like me need emotional security and protection from what feels like constant negative forces upon us.

To Denise and Cooper,

I hoped what I wrote spoke to those who have truly grown up with sensitivities like those and not to be disresptectful. It’s a balance between firmness and empathy. Too much empathy creates a victimhood feeling that keeps the child really vulnerable. And not enough empathy, like you two have experienced, obviously does damage.

I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. I saw a young child some months ago over a period of days who started out really teary and clingy. I wasn’t sure how it would all turn out. A few days later, he seemed more relaxed and able to enjoy himself. Still some problems now and then, but not really like the beginning. All it took was some time and understanding from those around him and things got better.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

My 3yr old son is a happy child - as long as everything is as it ’should’ be. He is also a ’sensitive’ child and maybe excessively so. Change and fear in various situations are cause for a complete breakdown. He whines, cries/screams, jumps, requests to be picked up (he’ll walk in front of me if I’m walking and block me to get me to pick him up - I used to oblige but he’s getting too big and I’m getting too old). I do get frustrated at times because it does sometimes border (at least in my mind) on being spoiled. I’ve managed to bring his fear of elevators from a terrifying and horrific situation to one that only causes mild anxiety (for both of us). His fear of new places or his frustration at finding a missing toy we’re still working on.

I’ve never let my mom baby sit them because as she says, “It’s [my] fault” he behaves this way. I don’t agree. I am able to talk him through a lot of situations even if they are difficult, without the beatings (my mother had 4 perfectly behaved children but 4 totally screwed up adults. None of us have any social skills and tend to repress our emotions till we explode cuz she beat them nice and deep inside of us). We weren’t allowed to cry or fuss like kids do.

I love it that my son and his twin sister are able to express themselves freely with me but it seems that the sensitivity is a bit much. Yes it is frustrating but I’m under agreement with you that it’s just his temperament. I should mention that he’s in a preschool program for children with disabilities as he’s a bit delayed in a few areas but extremely advanced in others. He’s not been diagnosed with anything other than developmental delays.

I guess I’m just curious to see if you have any suggestions for this apparently not so unique situation. Thank you for this wonderful blog. . .I also have 20 and 18yr old daughters in addition to the twins. I love reading your articles!

Sharon,

Well thank you so much for being a regular reader! I appreciate it. As far as your situation, do you have an early developmental professional that you are currently working with? Two of my girls had some early speech issues. None of them seemed to develop into anything severe, but I got exposed to some wonderful Early Intervention professionals. If you have people like this at your disposal, then ask some of your specific questions to them. They may have some really good ideas once they’ve gotten a chance to know your child, you, and your environment. If you don’t have anyone like this working with you, contact your school district and see who is available for your needs.

Or perhaps, you could have a few sessions with a therapist who specializes in young kids and who would understand the temperament thing. Not that he necessarily has a mental disturbance, but that you could use some specific ways to stay calm and help him manage his emotional needs.

I really think a good relationship with one of these professionals will help you the most, so I wish you luck with this pursuit. And again, thanks for reading my blog. Let me know if you have any other topics you’d like to read more about or questions.

As an empowerment coach for sensitive people, I’m glad to see that this issue is being discussed. A lot of sensitive kids are hiding in the woodworks waiting for some guidance on how to manage all of the incoming information. Many times, these kids become anxious adults if their needs are not validated and addressed. I wrote a memoir (Help Is On Its Way * Amazon.com) to shine a spotlight on this issue of growing up sensitive without much guidance along the way. There’s also information about parenting sensitive kids and a newsletter signup on my website http://www.jennaforrest.com. Thank you for giving attention to this often overlooked trait.

Hi
I am a mother of a sensitive child, she’s 10. I have been stuggling with this since she was in the first grade she crys when things are hard are different she has had some very understanding teachers and that has helped a lot. I remember one day I had to go to her school she was so upset and sobing because a child called her a cry baby and she said he was suppose to be her friend, and why would she say that to her, my heart broke to see my child so upset. I talk to her and told her that not all kids are nice and she should not worry about what kids think of her. but I told her that you do cry and some kids see that as being a baby what she said was wrong. sometimes I think I make things worst for her by cuddling her, and trying to explain what is going on.

I think my 5 year old daughter is a sensitive child and her transition to kindergarten has been emotionally draining for both of us. I have always worked full time and my mother cared for her during work hours. She had no babysitters outside of the family and I knew that it would be difficult for her to transition to a new enviroment,but I didn’t realize how much so. She has been in kindergarten for six weeks now and morning separations have not gotten any easier. She begins crying from the moment she wakes up until I drop her off at her classroom and her teacher has to physically lead her away from me as she tries to hold on. I have tried a number of things, (leaving her with a small momento in her pocket, planning special times for after school, putting her favorite stuffed animal in her backpack) but nothing seems to quell her anxiety. I quickly exit the room after saying good-bye and her teacher is great about trying to distract her and get her into the morning routine. I’m told that she doesn’t cry for long in the mornings, but she also cries at other unstructured parts of the day (lunch, recess, rest-time). When I pick her up at the end of the day she seems very positive about her school experience, but the crying repeats itself every morning. It breaks my heart because I was also a shy/sensitive child and I know the discomfort she’s feeling. I just don’t know if there is anything else I should be doing for her. I’m trying to strike a balance between being validating and empathetic and not re-inforcing her fears and anxiety. Growing up sensitive is not an easy thing and I don’t know how to help.