As a parent, you know your child is one-of-a-kind.  And it’s absolutely true -regardless of physical or mental similarities, each person on the planet is completely unique.  It’s an overwhelming thought to ponder, and wondrous because you know you have a special gift in your child.  However, there can be too much of a good thing.

There’s a fine line with giving praise and complements to your child.  Of course, you want them to  understand that they are a worthy human being deserving of love and attention.  They have talents to develop and all kinds of potential to give to the world.  But parents can sometimes go a little too far with the praise.

Overpraising can go one of two ways.  Either the child takes every word to heart and becomes spoiled with a side of entitlement, or the child starts seeing the praise as overblown and insincere.  Neither of these outcomes is good for you or your child.

You’ve probably met or spent time with kids who are pretty spoiled.  They know their parents will do anything for them because they are so special.  In fact, they sometimes become too special to relate well to others or to have empathy.  The point is not just for the child to know they are special, but for everyone else to know, too.  People who are too special don’t always think rules apply to them and may have trouble being humbled.

A kid who starts to see through the flashy words may start to doubt that any of it is true.  If it’s all so overblown, maybe it’s all a lie.  They are really so mediocre that their parents have to make things up.  They may start thinking that anyone who compliments them is being fake.  If a child really takes this to heart, their self worth and self esteem can suffer.

It’s really OK to tell your child that they are special because they truly are.  The point is to not overdo it so it actually causes them problems down the road.  Just be sure you throw in enough about cooperation, inclusion, empathy, and being generous.  A person who truly celebrates the unique nature of all human beings has much to give to the world.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (June 2, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 1 Jun 2009