Three kids, two jobs, after school activities, friends coming over, house cleaning, visiting relatives, mowing the lawn…Life just keeps tossing balls at you, and you just have to keep swinging.  It seems like you’re never caught up, never getting ahead, just paddling to keep your head above water.

Sit where you are and ask yourself, honestly.  What are all the things you do to take good care of yourself?  How much do you do of the following:

Have pampering time for yourself
Delegate chores to kids at age-appropriate times
Have regular relaxing time with your spouse or significant other
Have regular social time with friends
Splurge on something (doesn’t have to be big or even with money)
Do something that excites and energizes you
Get some regular physical activity (something resembling exercise)
Eat nutritious food in a relaxed setting most of the time
Get immersed in something meaningful and emotional (music, art, performance)
Get enough sleep to feel rested and ready for your day

If you said no to many of these, you may be shorting yourself quite a bit.  It might be time to take a look at how many things you have packed into each day, how high your expectations are, and how much down time you plan.  If you are resentful of how your time is occupied, if you always feel tired, if you always feel too busy, then something needs to be corrected.

Human beings have a lot of potential, but only a certain amount of sustainable energy.  They need rest, refueling, intellectual and emotional stimulation.  Too much is not better – keeping things in harmony is ideal.  It may mean you need to drop something, or alter it to make it work.  Having your kids in four different activities doesn’t necessarily make them a better student or person.  Working a 60+ hour a week job may help your career, but might leave your family behind.  Doing all the housework yourself might make you feel like everything is done well, but you may miss out on lemonade in the backyard with your kids and spouse.

We all only get 24 hours in a day, and it’s up to us to use them wisely.  Kids will usually model what the parents do, or something close to it.  If they see us running ragged every single day, they might get the feeling that either life is just hard or that relaxation is not valued.  Families get busy, no doubt.  But there is a point when many parents often put too much on themselves (and often their kids) and gloss over the healthy joys of living.  Do your best to match activities to the general energy levels and stimulation needs of your kids.  Encourage down time, even for high energy children.

Since this is a blog about mental health, consider your own behaviors and feelings.  Are you always over busy because you have trouble getting yourself calm?  Are you a workaholic so you don’t have to face stress at home?  Do you get over involved in hobbies and underinvolved in your family relationships?  I’m not saying mental disorders are always at the root of the problem.  But they can be camouflaged and made worse by over activity and lack of self care.   For example, chronic depression and anxiety tend to get more set over time if they are not treated.

Whatever you do from the healthy list above, do more of it and try to add a couple more.  Of course, there are parts of your day that just might not be too much fun no matter what you do.  But taking good care of yourself allows you to be a better parent, a better partner, and a happier human being.

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Anonymous (May 7, 2009)

Ivo Mortani (Movere) (May 7, 2009)

Sue Scheff (December 28, 2009)

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (April 29, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 6 May 2009