Avoiding Discipline Extremes
by Erika Krull, MS, LMHP on November 20th, 2009
Parenting can be so difficult when you use too much of a good thing and not enough of another. I’m taking a cue from one of my fair readers who commented on the mother-daughter post a few days ago.
It’s about being too strict or too lenient, and then finding yourself on the opposite extreme end trying to make up for it. I understand this well. While I do believe I generally ride down the middle of these lines, I know when I start feeling like I’m too far in one direction.
As I’m writing this, I realize what’s driving my swing in either direction - emotion. I’m not sure if this is what you would relate to, but my first sense was that I over-corrected because of my emotional state. When I get too much crabby drill sergeant going on, I start to feel guilty that I’m being unreasonable.
In order to “make up” for going overboard, I make greater allowances and go soft for a little while. You know, it’s the least I can do after they suffered me. Do you see where this is going?? When I get my mood out of the way and focus on the big picture, I can get things back to a good balance.
I think every parent does this to some extent. I mean, we are all human and we all get swept up in our emotions. That’s very normal, so don’t go beating yourself up if you do this sometimes! But do pay attention to whether this is a “sometimes” kind of thing or a “most of the time” kind of thing.
Do your kids live by two sets of rules - one for when mom or dad are too easy-going and one when mom or dad is uptight and demanding? If you think this might be to similar to your own situation, don’t panic. Take a few days to pay attention to your mood swings and how you handle them.
If …






Poor me, poor stressed-out under-appreciated me. Or that’s what I sometimes tell myself. Yeah…that garbage circulates through my head sometimes and it just kills my day. Even when all the evidence points to some serious sympathy points for you as a parent or spouse, you really aren’t going to win anything by pushing it.
I remember a few bullies I encountered back in my younger days. There was the obvious bigger-than-everyone bully who didn’t do so well at school. He made up for that by showing his physical dominance when the opportunity arose. But then there were the not-so-obvious bullies. People you might never suspect. Do you know about bullies in your child’s life?
I have had the enormous honor to raise three young girls for about a decade. All of them are now elementary school age, but my memories of preschool and toddler years are not far away in my mind. I cannot and never do profess to be anywhere near a perfect parent. I do my best, but I’ve made my share of mistakes. That said, I’d like to go ahead and share what I feel is a pretty solid recipe for disaster as a parent. The retail store child-meltdown.
This week marks the 40th anniversary of an iconic show of my childhood. Heck, when I was a kid, it was THE show. Not much other competition that I can remember, and I believe that’s why they created it. My how times have changed for the child and parent searching for good stuff on TV.

