It’s so hard to encompass such a difficult story in one blog post. Murder-suicide. Young boys. Very troubled father. Missing mother. Dramatic and frightening death. These are just some of the powerful words that come to mind when reading or hearing about the heartbreaking story of the Powell family.

So many issues and questions came to the surface for me when I read the news on Sunday. I drew my breath in as I soaked in the details. As I realized this had been a well-planned outcome (not a spontaneous emotional act), the questions in my mind became more difficult to ask myself.

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Recently, I’ve done a bit of research on preschool bullying.  A few years ago when I first began looking into it, I found little to support this idea.  However, now the preschool years are considered to be a place where the first warning signs may be seen.

I would be hard-pressed to call some aggressive impulsive behaviors true bullying.  Bullies must have some level of social perception, an ability to predict a victim’s reaction and make adjustments to see if they can be overpowered.

I do agree it is possible to see some of the early signs of future bullying such as intentional harm to others, lack of empathy, and striking on weaker individuals.  However, it’s important to remember that preschoolers in general are starting to understand empathy and the bigger social picture.

As a parent, you may have had concerns about a child in your son or daughter’s preschool or day care class.  Or possibly someone has told you that your young child has been bullying others.  While this is obviously concerning, it’s important to remember that kids’ minds are still quite flexible at this stage of development.  They are learning and absorbing so much, and as adults we must really try not to label them too strongly.

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Today I stumbled upon a terrific resource on mood disorders and anxiety.  I was so enthralled as I checked out all the different areas, and I kept saying to myself, “I have to put this up on the blog!”  So here it is and some of my comments about it.

www.psycheducation.org

First, this is written by a psychiatrist, Dr James Phelps of Corvallis, Oregon.  I can tell just by reading a number of pages that he is personally writing everything.  He references many research articles and other websites as he goes along.  This not only adds credence and support for his writing, but it also gives you another resource for your own use.  He seems to try to make everything read as good, “plain English.”  He uses medical terms where necessary, but there’s a nice personal touch to it.

Second, there is a LOT of great information here.  The front page gives several avenues for you to explore, including a a great deal on bipolar and mood swings, panic disorder, brain chemistry and images, hormones and mood (nothing on post-partum depression, but a lot on PMS and PMDD), social anxiety, and other general resources.

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No matter how rosy the memories, nobody has a truly perfect childhood.  Grandparents die, tragedies happen, families have problems, and so on.  One researcher suggests that the most stressful times can affect us throughout our entire lives.

That’s a pretty strong statement, but there’s a lot of truth to it.  Many girls who grow up without involved dads have trouble with romantic relationships or men in general.  Kids who live have trauma or abuse often have chronic emotional difficulties.  And addiction issues can often be traced back to problems or key relationships from childhood.

The expert, Dr Rajita Sinha, explained that the social nature of humans was a huge protective factor against ongoing stress from this vulnerable time.  She also named education, optimism, and emotional regulation as other important factors.

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I’ve noticed that one of the more popular posts here is about bullying between siblings.  The list of comments continues to grow.  I see stories of exasperated parents, frustrated and hurt siblings (of all ages), concerned relatives, current problems, past problems, etc.  Some have passed on insight while others are looking for answers.

Today I wanted to add to that sharing experience with a few extra tips.  I found an article on this website, Public Safety Canada, with some good suggestions for many people involved in a bullying situation.  When you click through, I hope you find what applies best to your situation.  It’s one long list, so keep scrolling through the entire page.

Here it is again – Public Safety Canada – First Steps to Stop Bullying

Keep in mind that bullying has these four elements (quoted from the site):

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Hello, readers.  It’s that time of year – holiday songs, decorations, presents, shopping, baking, and so on.  But for some people, the holidays bring a lot more discomfort than joy.  Family time is filled with chaos, hurt feelings, humiliation, torment, and sadness.  Not at all the kind of thing you want to volunteer for on a regular basis.

I’ve noticed a few comment “conversations” that have gone back and forth among some of the readers here, especially on some of the depression posts and the bullying posts.  It’s unfortunate, but those are popular right now on this blog.  Many people are hurting at a time when society tells us we should all put on a smiley face and love everything.

But here’s the truth – unchecked bullying and abuse can persist into adulthood.  And when families gather, the simultaneous favoritism and ignorance shows under the spotlight.  People who have always been the target often feel shunned or blamed.  They see the same things going on now that went on during their childhood.  Their sibling/parent/step-parent abuses or bullies them and nobody does a thing about it.  The bully/abuser gets off the hook with every excuse and explanation, and the target is a whiner that can’t ever do enough right. Each person’s story is a little different, but one theme is clear.  It’s the same-old same-old, and it still hurts.

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Hello, readers.  Looks like bullying is making news more and more the last few years.  In many cases, the news is bad – suicide, reports of relentless taunting, and more.  The only possible upside to this is improved awareness of the issue.  More to come on this.  For now, I have a previous issue to revisit.

A few months ago, one of my readers asked about bullying in step-families.  I attempted to search the internet about news articles, blogs, or just something about the issue to help me out.  For whatever reason, perhaps just not enough different search attempts, I didn’t come up with much at the time.  I was frustrated, but I knew I needed to come back to it with a fresh mind and try again.

I did just that a few minutes ago.  Wow – I must have hit the right keywords because I found some pretty interesting search results.

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Since this is a blog about Family and Mental Health, I’d like to create a Thanksgiving post to suit many different people this year.

First, many of you are going to be joining other family or friends this year.  Hopefully, you’ll have at least a few hours to spend with the ones you love.  I know I’m thankful for having the opportunity to create memories with my in-laws last week and my side of the family Thanksgiving Day and Friday.  I’m thankful so many people I know are in good health.  I’m thankful that we’ve had another year with many people I love.  Please share below what you’re thankful for.

Second, some of you are going to be missing someone this year at the Thanksgiving table.

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I’ve been having trouble figuring out what to say about this whole Penn State sexual abuse scandal, so I just haven’t written anything at all until now.  I suppose the weight of it all has been so huge – where do you start?  How do you possibly summarize something so massive, so shocking, something that hits us all at the core of our humanity?  And it just keeps unfolding and getting more horrible.

Well, I decided this post doesn’t have to do all that.  I actually have a lot to say, and it’s just all been hanging in suspension since the beginning of it all.  You may hear trickles of this for a while, and no doubt, this will be in the news for some time to come.

It’s also a little close to home because the other football team on the field last Saturday was my alma mater.  I’m glad the teams and coaches were at midfield for a few moments with Coach Brown.  Just having the reflection, the time, and the focus on something so somber and “real life” – it was a much needed pause in such a crazy week.

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If you’ve been looking for a way to get your depressed spouse some help, here’s another reason why – and possibly another way to get them into a doctor’s office for treatment.

I’ve pulled up an interesting article from Psych Central published earlier this year about untreated depression and chronic illness.  According to a research article released this past spring, prolonged untreated depression can contribute to a risk for chronic illness.  Immune cells may be damaged with chronic depression in some people, making them more likely to develop certain types of chronic illness.

Telomers are like protective caps on the ends of chromosomes in immune cells.  When these begin to shorten, the likelihood increases for early on-set of disease.  These illnesses include heart disease, diabetes, and osteoporosis.

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