Emotion Skills

Four Characteristics of Soul-Fulfilling Relationships

There are many ways of connecting with people. An emotionally safe, equal, and emotionally intimate relationship is likely the scariest and most challenging relationship to build, yet is also the  most likely to decrease your sense of loneliness and help with your well-being. Let's call it a Soul-Fulfilling relationship. This type of connection may be a romantic but doesn't have to be.  In a Soul-Fullfilling  connection,  you share your deepest emotions with someone in an honest, accurate way and your experiences are accepted without judgment. You can count on honest, loving feedback and give and take. You support and love in equal ways over time. Soul-Fulfilling relationships take time and nurturing to build.

Continue Reading

Borderline Personality Disorder

Acting Opposite to Your Emotion

We often act consistent with how we feel. If you wake up in the morning and you don't feel like talking with people, maybe you don't answer the phone. If you don't feel like going to the grocery store, then you don't go. If you don't feel like networking then you cancel the luncheon. If you don't feel like being kind, you may talk gruffly to your friends and co-workers. Perhaps you even justify your actions, or attempt to, by saying, "I'm just in a bad mood."

Continue Reading

Borderline Personality Disorder

Value Your Life Contributions

We all have days that everything seems to go wrong.  We get a speeding ticket, the dishwasher stops working and your zippers splits when you're already late for a dinner engagement. Sometimes what goes wrong is bigger and more difficult. Maybe your best friend is moving away or someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. Those times are particularly tough and may lead you to wonder what life's all about.

Actually, what is your life all about? One of the most effective ways of coping with daily ups and down is to know your purpose, your contribution to the world. What is it that you contribute to the human race or to our world?  Knowing your part in the world can help you see the forest when the trees all seem negative. Every contribution to a better world counts. Every person can make a difference. Do you know what your purpose is?

Continue Reading

General

Six Ways You May be Avoiding Constructive Conflict and Losing Friends

Conflict with others, especially perceived and actual rejection, can be quite painful. Calling a friend after you've repeatedly made and cancelled plans may seem as difficult as piecing back shattered glass. Giving in to the urge to just avoid conflicts and let friendships go may cost you relationships that you don't really want to lose. Being connected with others involves some form of conflict, whether it's about you letting the other person down or the other person not coming through for you in some way.

One of the first steps to stopping the avoidance is awareness of ways you may justify or talk yourself into not facing upsets, anticipated criticisms, disagreements, or other conflict. Here's a few statements that you might be using to support your avoidance of what could be a relationship repair or relationship building interaction, cause that's what constructive convict actually is.

Continue Reading

Borderline Personality Disorder

Self-Scapes of Fear

How do you see yourself and your world?  The way you view both affects the way you live your life.  You may be quite secure about who you are and your safety in the world. Or not.  Let's call the basic way you look at yourself and the world on an everyday basis your self-scape.  It's like your emotional landscape. Do you wake up in the morning and see a full, lush emotional world?  Do you focus on the people who support you?  Or do you tend to see a barren world?  Or perhaps even a landscape full of aggression and hostility, with people ready to destroy you when actually you are safe, it just doesn't feel that way?

If you are in a situation that is physically dangerous, your situation is different.  Your self-scape of fear is based on reality. A distorted self-scape is when someone feels undue fear of daily life events that most people experience.

Continue Reading

Borderline Personality Disorder

Defining the Life You Want to Live: Relationships

Having friendships and/or family members you feel close to is often a primary part of living the life you want to live and is one of your biggest challenges.  Interactions with others are often the most emotional experiences you have, both in rewarding and painful ways.  If relationships are part of your life worth living, determining how to make this work for you will be important.

Keep Your Priorities in Mind

Relationships are naturally full of ups and downs. There are so many times you will have urges to break off a relationship and to never speak to a person again. In many cases though, that's using avoidance and/or abandonment as a way of responding to a problem. You avoid the immediate pain of hurt and vulnerability but in the long run your relationship is damaged.

Continue Reading

Coping Skills

Define The Life You Long to Live

When you are emotionally sensitive your emotions can rule your life. The more painful emotions exhaust and drain you, sometimes to the point that your days are about avoiding hurt rather than living your life.  You may dread the mornings and crave isolation though at the same time you are lonely and hate that you think you don't belong.  You may be sad or constantly tired. You may decide there is something wrong with you that you can't deal with issues and be content like others seem to be able to do, so why try? At some point you may find that you have focused on emotions such as hurt, resentment, grief, and fear that you no longer think about the life you want to lead. You get lost in the pain and lose sight of your goals and dreams.

Continue Reading

Borderline Personality Disorder

Four Ways to Increase Your Interpersonal Skills


Emotionally sensitive people experience more intense emotions that are more easily aroused and that last longer than those who are not emotionally sensitive. You react faster with greater emotional intensity that lasts longer. Your emotional reactions can be triggered by television shows, magazine articles, places that trigger memories, anniversaries and other events.  Interpersonal issues are one of the most challenging areas for you.

With a strong fear and sensitivity to rejection, even routine events such as a friend canceling lunch plans can bring on a tornado of emotions that are difficult to manage. With this difficulty in relationships, so much of life becomes stressful, such as attending classes, dating, participating in friendships, interacting in group activities, having roommates, and working with others. Some of you withdraw and become isolated as a way of avoiding the pain of relationships. Others experience anguish and suffering on a regular basis with little relief. Working on interpersonal skills and ways to manage emotions in relationships can help you reduce the suffering you experience on a daily basis. Improving your interpersonal resiliency and skills is complicated.  Four options for getting started (based on the work of Marsha Linehan, 1993)  include the following:

Continue Reading

Emotionally Sensitive Person

8 Reasons to Celebrate Love






Valentine's Day may be one of your favorite holidays. You see it as an occasion to celebrate your relationship. Or maybe you think Valentine's Day is just a tool for businesses to sell cards, flowers and chocolates. Whatever your view of the day, there are some strong reasons to celebrate love.

1.  If you are good at connecting...
Continue Reading