relationships Articles

Defining the Life You Want to Live: Relationships

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Having friendships and/or family members you feel close to is often a primary part of living the life you want to live and is one of your biggest challenges.  Interactions with others are often the most emotional experiences you have, both in rewarding and painful ways.  If relationships are part of your life worth living, determining how to make this work for you will be important.

Keep Your Priorities in Mind

Relationships are naturally full of ups and downs. There are so many times you will have urges to break off a relationship and to never speak to a person again. In many cases though, that’s using avoidance and/or abandonment as a way of responding to a problem. You avoid the immediate pain of hurt and vulnerability but in the long run your relationship is damaged.


Letting Go of Blame

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

[Social Media Week] E se fossero i Social Media ad usare Voi?Creative Commons License

 

When something goes wrong, one of the first responses many people have is to blame someone. Being at fault may bring up many fears. If you can blame someone else, you can avoid the painful feelings of guilt and shame. You can avoid the fear of not being good enough and perhaps the resulting fear of abandonment. Maybe you panic when you may have done something wrong or taken action that didn’t work out because in the past others have rejected you or perhaps punished you for making a mistake. Blaming is the way you attempt to protect yourself.  Whatever the reason, blame usually leads to conflict and damaged relationships in addition to blocking problem solving. Time spent blaming only delays finding a solution to whatever happened.


What’s Your Protective Armor in Relationships?

Sunday, November 3rd, 2013

NYAF/NYCC

When you are emotionally sensitive, your feelings are quicker to come about, more intense and last longer than those of other people. When you’re seen as being different, particularly in a way that others don’t understand, then relationships are difficult to maintain. Others often don’t understand your emotional reactions.

Emotionally sensitive people have many ways of  putting on armor to protect themselves from the  painful judgments and rejections of others. You’ve learned that when you show your emotional sensitivity you’ll be labeled as flawed or broken or at least not understood.  The heightened fear of being rejected that many of you fear is often based in reality.


Three Blocks on the Path To Radical Acceptance

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

 

 

Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment and respect when you don't even show that to yourself.

Radical Acceptance means completely and totally accepting something from the depths of your soul, with your heart, your mind, and body. You stop fighting reality. When you stop fighting reality you suffer less. That means you don’t feel hot anger in your stomach whenever you see the person who got the promotion you deserved and you don’t seethe with resentment when you see your best friend who is now dating your boyfriend. You accept that what is, is. You learn and you go forward. Radical acceptance is easier to understand than it is to practice.  There are many obstacles to giving up the suffering of resentments and anger, particularly for emotionally sensitive people.

1. But I don’t want to let them off the hook.  Holding on to your anger can seem like you are punishing the offending person, whoever did a wrong to you. As long as you are angry then they aren’t getting away with whatever they did to harm you. Your anger serves as a marker, a memorial almost, of their actions. If you let go and radically accept then it is like it never happened and you don’t want it to be that easy. When your feelings are deep and intense, you want the other person to understand they hurt they have caused. Plus your resentment is pretty intense too and difficult to manage.

That sounds good. The problem is that it doesn’t really work that way. When someone has treated you unfairly, he either knows it or doesn’t know it. If he recognizes his actions were unkind, then your anger serves only to distract from his facing his own failings and guilt. If he doesn’t recognize his unkindness (or worse), then your anger changes nothing. Your anger will not teach another person …


Belonging

Sunday, June 2nd, 2013

Flickr Meet #3 - Nottingham

 

Belonging means acceptance as a member or part. Such a simple word for huge concept. A sense of belonging is a human need, just like the need for food and shelter. Feeling that you belong  is most important in seeing value in life and in coping with intensely painful emotions. Some find belonging in a church, some with friends, some with family, some on Twitter or other social media. Some see themselves as connected only to one or two people. Others believe and feel a connection to all people the world over, to humanity. Some struggle to find a sense of belonging.


Rejection Sensitivity

Monday, May 27th, 2013

Grupal 21ª KDD (EXPLORED)

The need to be accepted by others, to have a sense of belonging, is a profound human motivation, one that is felt in some way from birth throughout life. Our natural state is to live in communities. Belonging to a community contributes to a sense of identity and purpose.


Decreasing Loneliness

Sunday, January 27th, 2013

 

Free Souls Embrace Creative Commons

 

“I feel like such a loser, I don’t have any friends to call to hang out with.”

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard some variation of that statement.  Maybe it’s not having a birthday party because you don’t know anyone to invite or maybe you want to go to an event and have no one to go with you. When you don’t have friends, it’s easy to judge yourself as less than.

What do you do?


Hints for Practicing New Coping Skills

Friday, January 4th, 2013

 

Focused

If you are working on developing new coping skills, you may find that understanding the skills and how they work is much easier than actually using the skills. You may be able to tell someone else about the skill, write out the steps involved, and answer questions about it but find you do not use it in your life. You may find that you keep going back to familiar ways of dealing with emotions and stress, even when those old ways are not good for you in the long run.


Gratitude Day 2012

Monday, December 31st, 2012

Thank You

Researchers in positive psychology tell us that we are more content when we savor the positive that happens in our lives. But focusing on the positive isn’t natural for many people. We tend to see and think about what we dislike, fear and what has hurt us more than we recognize and replay what we cherish. So maybe the end of the year is a great time to remember what you are grateful for about 2012. I suggest we declare December 31 as Gratitude Day.

If you are grateful for events that happened, find a way to remember them. Maybe share stories about these events with friends or family members. Look at photos of trips you took or celebrations you had during the year. Maybe you took a big step in your life dring 2012. Let yourself feel proud of that step. Maybe you were a good friend to someone or got through a tough time. Acknowledge yourself for what you achieved.  If you are grateful to friends for support or for being your friend, let them know. If some have gone the extra mile for you, maybe send them a gratitude note.

I’m grateful for so much that happened in 2012. I’m grateful to everyone who has read the posts in The Emotionally Sensitive Person and to everyone who contributed through completing the surveys. Thank you.

Creative Commons LicensePatrick Hoesly via Compfight


Looking at Loneliness: Survey Results

Friday, November 30th, 2012

مرگ چون پرواز است

Many thanks to the over 750 people who responded to the survey on loneliness. One of the questions was about what emotionally sensitive people see as the reason for their loneliness. Fear was mentioned by many of you: Fear of rejection, judgments, vulnerability, and of not being perfect. Some were afraid of their reactions to other people.


Savvy
The Power of Validation
The Power of Validation
The Power of Validation
Karyn Hall, PhD is the author of the above books.
Check out their details by clicking on the cover.


Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • Anonymous: I think the emotionally sensitive part describes me perfectly. I’m not sure how it fits my...
  • Jacquelyn Strickland: I would much prefer the title of this article to be: “Scapes of Fear For Those Who Worry...
  • Joey: I find that this experience is very real. After attending an HSP gathering and experiencing a very natural safe...
  • mindovermatter: Hi. I’ve got to say that I’ve been really confused for a very long time. This is a real...
  • Kelly Pierce: Dealing with emotions is truly difficult. Sometimes out of our emotions we can do something that will...
Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!