Archives for Emotion Skills

Coping Skills

Six Ways to Build Happiness from Within

What does it really mean to have happiness from within? Doesn't happiness come from laughing with friends, having a family you love and enjoying your work?  Certainly there are many ways that you can find happiness outside yourself. But lasting, enduring happiness comes from within and isn't so affected by whether you lose your job or a friend moves half way around the world. You can develop happiness from within in many ways. Here are a few ideas that make sense to me.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Making Decisions in Wise Mind: The If. . .Then Question

Making decisions in emotion mind often has very difficult consequences. Being in emotion mind means more than experiencing strong emotions, it means your emotions are controlling your thinking and actions. Demanding in anger a divorce (that you don't really want), quitting a job you need when upset and you don't have another one, and walking out on your best friend who you still care about are all examples of acting on your emotions in ways that hurt you.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Preventing Conflict with Satiation

When conflict with others is managed well, people talk calmly with each other and work to solve problems. Unfortunately, relationships are full of situations in which even the most skilled at remaining calm cannot do so. There are times that you find yourself saying unkind words to those you love and losing your cool when you promised yourself you wouldn't.

There are many ways of coping with conflict and with behaviors from those we love that just annoy us no end. One way to do this is to prevent the conflict from happening in the first place.  If you really don't like conflict, then preventing it may be a great choice for you. If you have a pattern with someone of  repeating the same conflict over and over, then prevention may be a wonderful choice. One way to prevent conflict is by using satiation.

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Coping Skills

6 Triggers for Emotional Eating

Eating when you aren't physically hungry can be so frustrating as well as damaging to your health. Afterward, you're miserably full and bloated and upset that you overate or binged yet again despite your determination to not do so.

Overcoming emotional eating is very difficult and can be a constant challenge. Food is everywhere and tempts with immediate pleasure and relief. You can't practice abstinence from food.

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Emotion Skills

Four Characteristics of Soul-Fulfilling Relationships

There are many ways of connecting with people. An emotionally safe, equal, and emotionally intimate relationship is likely the scariest and most challenging relationship to build, yet is also the  most likely to decrease your sense of loneliness and help with your well-being. Let's call it a Soul-Fulfilling relationship. This type of connection may be a romantic but doesn't have to be.  In a Soul-Fullfilling  connection,  you share your deepest emotions with someone in an honest, accurate way and your experiences are accepted without judgment. You can count on honest, loving feedback and give and take. You support and love in equal ways over time. Soul-Fulfilling relationships take time and nurturing to build.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Acting Opposite to Your Emotion

We often act consistent with how we feel. If you wake up in the morning and you don't feel like talking with people, maybe you don't answer the phone. If you don't feel like going to the grocery store, then you don't go. If you don't feel like networking then you cancel the luncheon. If you don't feel like being kind, you may talk gruffly to your friends and co-workers. Perhaps you even justify your actions, or attempt to, by saying, "I'm just in a bad mood."

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Value Your Life Contributions

We all have days that everything seems to go wrong.  We get a speeding ticket, the dishwasher stops working and your zippers splits when you're already late for a dinner engagement. Sometimes what goes wrong is bigger and more difficult. Maybe your best friend is moving away or someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. Those times are particularly tough and may lead you to wonder what life's all about.

Actually, what is your life all about? One of the most effective ways of coping with daily ups and down is to know your purpose, your contribution to the world. What is it that you contribute to the human race or to our world?  Knowing your part in the world can help you see the forest when the trees all seem negative. Every contribution to a better world counts. Every person can make a difference. Do you know what your purpose is?

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Self-Scapes of Fear

How do you see yourself and your world?  The way you view both affects the way you live your life.  You may be quite secure about who you are and your safety in the world. Or not.  Let's call the basic way you look at yourself and the world on an everyday basis your self-scape.  It's like your emotional landscape. Do you wake up in the morning and see a full, lush emotional world?  Do you focus on the people who support you?  Or do you tend to see a barren world?  Or perhaps even a landscape full of aggression and hostility, with people ready to destroy you when actually you are safe, it just doesn't feel that way?

If you are in a situation that is physically dangerous, your situation is different.  Your self-scape of fear is based on reality. A distorted self-scape is when someone feels undue fear of daily life events that most people experience.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Defining the Life You Want to Live: Relationships

Having friendships and/or family members you feel close to is often a primary part of living the life you want to live and is one of your biggest challenges.  Interactions with others are often the most emotional experiences you have, both in rewarding and painful ways.  If relationships are part of your life worth living, determining how to make this work for you will be important.

Keep Your Priorities in Mind

Relationships are naturally full of ups and downs. There are so many times you will have urges to break off a relationship and to never speak to a person again. In many cases though, that's using avoidance and/or abandonment as a way of responding to a problem. You avoid the immediate pain of hurt and vulnerability but in the long run your relationship is damaged.

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