Archives for Emotion Skills
You survived the holiday. Maybe it was a good holiday, one you enjoyed. Then suddenly Monday comes, the Monday that all goes back to the same routine. Not only are you hit with all the issues that have been put on hold for two weeks, you also hear about the fantasy holidays that some people enjoyed. Suddenly your holiday pales in comparison.
Countless minefields lie ahead in the next few days. The holidays can lead you to pressure yourself to be joyful, spend time with family, buy the perfect presents, and have a memorable celebration. There's food to cook (the meal must be special, right?) and concern about who might drop off freshly baked goodies when you can't reciprocate. For the emotionally sensitive person, these challenges are aggravated by perfectionism, worry about people getting along, fear of hurting...
If we are paying attention to our lives, we'll recognize those defining moments. The challenge for so many of us is that we are so deep into daily distractions and 'being busy, busy' that we miss out on those moments and opportunities that - if jumped on - would get our careers and personal lives to a whole new level of wow. Robin S. Sharma I’ve been thinking about priorities and demands. That’s an interpersonal skill in DBT. Priorities are what you want, what’s important to you. Demands come from other people, what they want you to do. The idea is to have a balance that helps you live your life effectively. So how does this actually apply to your life?
The sun's up, the alarm clock sounds off and you peel your eyes open. What are your thoughts? I'm wondering if you squeeze your eyes shut and wish the day were over. Maybe you wake up tense with a boulder in your throat and an upset stomach. Maybe you have a low-grade sadness that the day just doesn't matter. I've had that experience. For too long I struggled with anxiety about facing the day. Unfortunately I allowed a narcissist into my life. No matter how much you give to people who feel entitled, it's never enough. When you don't give them what they want, they will make it their mission to make you miserable.
What does it really mean to have happiness from within? Doesn't happiness come from laughing with friends, having a family you love and enjoying your work? Certainly there are many ways that you can find happiness outside yourself. But lasting, enduring happiness comes from within and isn't so affected by whether you lose your job or a friend moves half way around the world. You can develop happiness from within in many ways. Here are a few ideas that make sense to me.
Making decisions in emotion mind often has very difficult consequences. Being in emotion mind means more than experiencing strong emotions, it means your emotions are controlling your thinking and actions. Demanding in anger a divorce (that you don't really want), quitting a job you need when upset and you don't have another one, and walking out on your best friend who you still care about are all examples of acting on your emotions in ways that hurt you.
While emotionally sensitive people are more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder, too often being emotionally sensitive is pathologized. Being emotionally sensitive is not a disease or a disorder. Accepting your own emotional sensitivity can help...
When conflict with others is managed well, people talk calmly with each other and work to solve problems. Unfortunately, relationships are full of situations in which even the most skilled at remaining calm cannot do so. There are times that you find yourself saying unkind words to those you love and losing your cool when you promised yourself you wouldn't. There are many ways of coping with conflict and with behaviors from those we love that just annoy us no end. One way to do this is to prevent the conflict from happening in the first place. If you really don't like conflict, then preventing it may be a great choice for you. If you have a pattern with someone of repeating the same conflict over and over, then prevention may be a wonderful choice. One way to prevent conflict is by using satiation.
Eating when you aren't physically hungry can be so frustrating as well as damaging to your health. Afterward, you're miserably full and bloated and upset that you overate or binged yet again despite your determination to not do so. Overcoming emotional eating is very difficult and can be a constant challenge. Food is everywhere and tempts with immediate pleasure and relief. You can't practice abstinence from food.
There are many ways of connecting with people. An emotionally safe, equal, and emotionally intimate relationship is likely the scariest and most challenging relationship to build, yet is also the most likely to decrease your sense of loneliness and help with your well-being. Let's call it a Soul-Fulfilling relationship. This type of connection may be a romantic but doesn't have to be. In a Soul-Fullfilling connection, you share your deepest emotions with someone in an honest, accurate way and your experiences are accepted without judgment. You can count on honest, loving feedback and give and take. You support and love in equal ways over time. Soul-Fulfilling relationships take time and nurturing to build.