Coping with Depression

Circling the drain of depression

Two down, one to go.

We made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas. There's just New Year's left. I can see the finish line but I'm close to bonking. Yes, I am taking my medications. I am exercising and getting plenty of sleep. I am eating well - except for the gluten-free Pop Tarts.

I thought I had done a pretty good job of fending off my depression this year. I didn't buy a tree or put out any decorations until about 2 hours before my daughter came home to visit. I cancelled my satellite television service and got Roku - so I wasn't bombarded by holiday commercials.

I didn't turn on the radio and made it through my first holiday season without hearing that insanely annoying Feliz Navidad song - although I did hear Paul McCartney's "Sim-ply Hav-ing a Wonderful Christmas Time," which is equally annoying.
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Coping with Depression

How much of my holiday depression is my fault?

Somewhere, probably over some freakin' rainbow, is the Christmas of my dreams. You know the one with little kids making snow angels in the front yard, a new Lexus in the driveway with a ginormous bow on it and gingerbread houses that don't collapse.

However, I live in south Florida so the snow angel thing is out. I would rather have a Prius than a Lexus and unless you make a gingerbread house with gorilla glue, it's going to collapse. Get over it.

Problem is, I can't get over it. Actually, the problem is the sentence before this one. I think "I can't get over it," when in fact, I don't allow myself to "get over it." Every year it's the same thing: I invite a mythical family, with mythical snow in the front yard and mythical gingerbread houses into my head.

I sit on my pity pot and watch them have their mythical Christmas. I get jealous, mad, jealous, sad, jealous, angry, jealous, depressed. I do this to myself. I allow this brain chemistry to happen because I allow myself to have stupid, unrealistic expectations.

And what are expectations?

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Coping with Depression

For holiday orphans, depression is real

I have made it 55 years without cooking a turkey. I used to be ashamed of that fact. How could a one-time wife and mother get this far in life without ever having made a turkey?

It's a sad story with a happy ending. I don't have much family and the family I have don't invite me to holiday dinners. They're either too far away, or they don't know me because we haven't kept in contact over the decades or they don't invite me to their dinner table. 

When I was married we managed to get invited to my in-laws for holiday meals. My ex-husband is in the restaurant business so he was usually working. When we divorced, it was just my daughter and me. A few times I made a turkey breast and we got dressed up, took out the good china and some candles and had a nice little holiday meal - just the two of us and the dog.

We are holiday orphans. No cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, siblings. Just me, my daughter and the dog. When my daughter was much younger and still a believer (in Santa) we had fun - baking cookies, decorating the tree and building a runway in the yard with blue and red lights for Santa to land.

For a few years I had other orphans to my house on Christmas Eve. Fun, but a lot of work and money for a single mom with a full-time job. Then my daughter grew up and spent holidays with friends who have real families. Of course the two of us still eat dinner together on Christmas Eve but we no longer build the runway in the front yard or bake cookies together.
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Public Policy

Why the military can’t get suicide prevention right

Last Friday, the Inspector General of the Department of Defense released a report called the Suicide Event Report Data Quality Assessment. I had no idea what the assessment was about but I am devoted to suicide prevention and intrigued by data so I gave the 100-page report a read.

When an active service member commits suicide or attempts suicide, a Suicide Event Report is compiled. The report is an investigation of the suicide and circumstances leading up to it. It is a sort of psychological autopsy that is supposed to provide military leaders with reliable information on suicide risk factors that will assist in designing effective suicide prevention efforts.

The IG decided to investigate how Suicide Event Reports are compiled after finding a high number of  "don't know/data unavailable" responses to questions in the 2011 Annual Report - the most recent year available.  Here are the questions that received the most "don't know/data unavailable" reponses: You would think that these are among the most important questions in determining why someone committed suicide. So, why couldn't the folks assigned to complete these reports answer these questions?
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Coping with Depression

Can depression help your career?

A good headline, like a lot of good things in life, will suck you in. This one got me: "How business leaders can use fatigue and depression to their advantage."

Do tell, I thought, because I've been in the working world for more than 30 years and I've yet to meet a boss, supervisor or leader who has used fatigue and depression to their advantage. On the planet where I live, depression and fatigue are weaknesses.

Come to think of it, I have never encountered a boss supervisor or leader who ever had to take time off from work because depression or fatigue. That's only something us worker bees do. So, I had to read this article by Andrew Cave, published on the Forbes web site on Wednesday.

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Alcoholism

I have depression and alcoholism. So what?

I find people generally have three reactions when I tell them I am a recovered alcoholic with Bipolar II. They either tell me that they or a loved one has struggled with a mental illness, begin talking about the weather or look at me like I just told them I have a stripper pole in my bedroom - which I don't.

I can pretty much tell how they feel about mental illness by their reaction. When someone responds with their own experience, I listen. It's such a comfort to have someone else willing to share their own experience. As for the weather response, I chime in with my own thoughts about the weather.

The last thing I want to do is make someone uncomfortable discussing mental illness. I figure I've planted a little seed in their mind that it's okay to talk about mental illness. It's their responsibility to let it grow - or die.

The stripper-pole response? Well, that's a little trickier. I take into consideration the context in which the topic arose during our conversation and the person's attitude before I made my revelation.

If they were being a smart-ass about someone else's mental illness or treatment, I throw it right back at them. I've always been what my father called a weisenheimer, (think Curly in the Three Stooges.)
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In My Experience

How the Media Covers Suicide: Day 2

Covering Suicide and Mental Illness is a three-day seminar for journalists sponsored by The Poynter Institute, The McCormick Specialized Reporting Institute and the Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention. Here are my thoughts on issues covered during today's session. #suicidereporting
Today we learned some really wonderful techniques on how to cover suicide. Unfortunately, they aren't very practical.

For example, it was suggested that we not use the word "suicide" in a headline. Really? Not only does it become impossibly difficult to write a headline about a suicide and not use the word "suicide," in these days of SEO-driven journalism, you must put the word "suicide" in the headline or your editor will.

Headlines are no longer about the sexiest verb we can find. Headlines are about SEO and using words that Google Trend tells us will attract readers. Suicide is one of those words.

We were also given suggestions on how to speak with family members at the scene. First of all, if you go to a suicide scene and there are any family members present, the cops aren't going to let you speak with them until they have ruled the death a suicide and not a homicide. This means you won't have a prayer of getting an interview with a family member until the cops have finished their interviews.

I've been doing this for 30+ years and the chances of  family members wanting to speak with you after what they have been through - the suicide itself and then an interview with the cops - are slim to none. With homicides, you can often get a family member to talk and even give you a photo of the victim. But suicide - no way.

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General

How the media covers suicide: Day 1

Covering Suicide and Mental Illness is a three-day seminar for journalists sponsored by The Poynter Institute, The McCormick Specialized Reporting Institute and the Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention. Here are my thoughts on issues covered during today's session. #suicidereporting
What the DSM is to mental health, the AP Stylebook is to journalism. The Stylebook is our Bible. It not only tells us where and when to put our commas, it provides journalists with a uniform set of rules for grammar, principals and practices.

The Associated Press first published the Stylebook in 1953 and updates it every year. On March 7, 2013 - three months after the Sandy Hook school shooting - the AP added an entry on mental illness to the Stylebook. Below is an excerpt from the guidelines, the new industry standard:
mental illness Do not describe an individual as mentally ill unless it is clearly pertinent to a story and the diagnosis is properly sourced.

When used, identify the source for the diagnosis. Seek firsthand knowledge; ask how the source knows. Don’t rely on hearsay or speculate on a diagnosis. Specify the time frame for the diagnosis and ask about treatment. A person’s condition can change over time, so a diagnosis of mental illness might not apply anymore. Avoid anonymous sources. On-the-record sources can be family members, mental health professionals, medical authorities, law enforcement officials and court records. Be sure they have accurate information to make the diagnosis. Provide examples of symptoms.

Mental illness is a general condition. Specific disorders are types of mental illness and should be used whenever possible: He was diagnosed with schizophrenia, according to court documents. She was diagnosed with anorexia, according to her parents. He was treated for depression.

Do not use derogatory terms, such as insane, crazy/crazed, nuts or deranged, unless they are part of a quotation that is essential to the story.

Do not assume that mental illness is a factor in a violent crime, and verify statements to that effect. A past history of mental illness is not necessarily a reliable indicator. Studies have shown that the vast majority of people with mental illness are not violent, and experts say most people who are violent do not suffer from mental illness.

Avoid unsubstantiated statements by witnesses or first responders attributing violence to mental illness. A first responder often is quoted as saying, without direct knowledge, that a crime was committed by a person with a “history of mental illness.” Such comments should always be attributed to someone who has knowledge of the person’s history and can authoritatively speak to its relevance to the incident.

Avoid descriptions that connote pity, such as afflicted with, suffers from or victim of. Rather, he has obsessive-compulsive disorder.
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