Archives for Medications

anxiety and dreams

How much sleep is enough/too much when you have depression

The first thing my psych-nurse practitioner said on my first visit during my last major depression was this:

"First, we need to get you some sleep."

What? I expected her to say anti-depressants - at the time a major fear of mine. But sleep? Really?

I immediately decided that I liked this woman because her top priority was something natural - sleep. Although she did prescribe a very low dose of Seroquel to help me sleep soundly, I liked her recognition of the body's own ability to heal itself.

Plus, I hadn't had a really good night's sleep in a long time. And I really, really like to sleep.
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Coping with Depression

Four reasons to exercise when you have depression

Shortly before my depression snapped me in half, I went to a spin class at the gym. Of all the exercise I have done - and I have done a lot - spin is the most intense aerobic workouts.

An hour of riding a stationary bike -mostly at your maximum heart rate - and my body is toast. However, my brain is on a pink cloud - awash in endorphins.

But on that day, the endorphins did not...
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Addiction treatment: Here’s the prescription for relapse

I met yet another addict who is taking benzos prescribed by a doctor who knew this woman is an addict trying to stay clean.

WTH? (I would like to say WTF? but I'm a lady.)

This addict said the doctor who prescribed her Klonopin and Ativan knows she is in recovery. In fact, he's the doctor who treats clients in her intensive outpatient program. (Again, WTH?)

I have two problems with this common scenario:

Doctors who prescribe benzos to patients...
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Chiropractic care for physical and mental health

My insurance company wants to know why I have been to the chiropractor so much recently. The company has asked my chiropractor for an explanation.

I've got an explanation: My back hurts. I did not injure it. I was not in a car accident. I'm 56-years old and sometimes it just goes out of whack. But here is the main reason I've been seeing my chiropractor so much. I am a recovered alcoholic and I have bipolar II.

You see, I can't and don't want to take muscle relaxers. I might abuse them. I don't want a shot of some steroid because if you take the pain away without correcting the problem, I will go back to my usual exercise routine and very likely hurt myself.

Exercise is a critical component of maintaining my mental health. It's not just the endorphins, it's the way I feel - energized, strong, capable. It builds my self-esteem and gives me confidence. It's the camaraderie and fun I have at the gym. It's my tribe.
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How my depression nearly killed my sobriety

This month I celebrate 17 years of sobriety. Let me say that again. This month I celebrate 17 years of sobriety.

I can't believe I just said that because it seems so impossible and sounds so weird coming from my mouth.

17 years.

How the heck did that happen?

One day at a time. I also followed suggestions, especially from a doctor friend who told me about 12 years ago that I was in a major depression and needed antidepressants.
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How to avoid anxiety and loneliness when vacationing alone

Since my last major depression I have created for myself a small, insulated world - completely accessible on a 20-plus-year-old pink bike. My doctors, work, favorite restaurants, grocery store, dog park, gym and ocean are within a five mile radius of my cozy little house.

I like it that way. Driving a car is unnatural for me. It brings back heavy, gray memories of commuting 25 miles from the suburbs of Detroit into the city to work. In March, when dirty snow and a gray, seamless cloud took over the sky, the commute fueled my depression, already acute from months of seasonal-affective disorder.

Life got better after I moved to sunny Florida but depression still smothered me. Death and divorce will do that regardless of the weather. I responded by making my world small. I preferred riding a bike to driving. For awhile I had a scooter but then went back to my beloved bike.

When I ventured out of my bubble for work or vacation, I always had a reason and purpose. Conferences, graduations, reunions and exciting adventures meticulously researched. For years I have travelled with my boyfriend - a free spirit like me. We research what is available to see and do in an area, but make few plans and reservations besides renting a car.

We have slept in the back of an SUV and stayed in five-star hotels. When a mountain stream looked as though it might have some trout in it, we pulled over and fished. No timetable. No plans besides the occasional baseball game at legendary fields - Wrigley in Chicago and the Green Monster at Boston's Fenway.

Vagabond wanderlust.

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Why the religion of the Chattanooga shooter trumps his depression

Now we learn that Muhammad Abdulazeez, the gunman who fatally shot four Marines and a sailor at a recruiting office and naval reserve center in Chattanooga  last week, had depression and self-medicated with drugs an alcohol.

Normally, this would spark the usual debate on whether depression can make someone homicidal. The media would tell us that yes, in very, very rare cases depression could cause homicidal thoughts but much more common are suicidal thughts.

And the media would tell us that some anti-depressants can make depression worse and that Abdulazeez had taken anti-depressants.

However, in this case the media is more focused on whether Abdulazeez was a Muslim terrorist whose alleged fanaticism was sparked by a lengthy trip to the Middle East last year. The media is throwing the word Isis into their coverage and voila! They've got a gazillion hits on social media.
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Coping with Depression

Should I let a lovely day at the beach ruin my mental health?

I have a rash and it is messing with my head.

I have had this rash for three weeks now. Two trips to the dermatologist and a biopsy and still, its cause is unknown. It is definitely an allergic reaction but to what, no one knows. My diet, soaps, lotions, animals in my life have not changed.

Obviously, this rash is frustrating. Constant itching, little bumps and more itching. I have tried every anti-itch cream on the market and everyone's home remedies.

But here is the real problem with this rash - it has forced me to take and perhaps take away the medication I need to protect my mental health.
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Coping with Depression

Celebrating a decade, depression-free

I celebrate three dates every year: August 27, 1998 - my sober birthday; December 18, 19?? - my belly-button birthday and April 26, 2005 the day my depression swallowed me whole.

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years since my last major depression. I have had ups and downs but for 10 years now, there has been a floor below me and ceiling above me. I credit my medications for those gifts.

When I first started taking them...
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Pulling the plug on my mania and CrossFit

Mania is a luscious, exhilarating state of mind. All the fatigue and weariness in your bones and soul vaporizes. Your muscles feel bigger and stronger and ready to strike. Your thoughts are clear and brilliant. You are like a racehorse in the gate, wide-eyed and pawing at the ground with your hoof. There is no off-switch.

Medications give you a dimmer but you still have to have the desire and willingness to use it beyond the involuntary waning it induces.  You have to make the decision to turn the dimmer nob further to the left.

That is where I find myself today - turning the nob to the left. I am - of my own volition - taking my life down a notch. I don't want to but I need to. It's hard for me to believe I'm doing this. But years of therapy and the wisdom that comes with 56-years of f#*king up my life have taught me it's time.

I have bipolar II - called hypomania. It's bipolar lite. My ups and downs are not nearly as intense as those poor souls with bipolar I. Of course, fueling my mania with drugs and alcohol for decades enhanced those ups and downs. But I know I am blessed to have this lesser form of bipolar.
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