Archives for Living with Depression - Page 2

Living with Depression

Robin Williams: Celebrity vs non-celebrity suicide

Robin Williams.

Ernest Hemingway. Kurt Cobain. Marilyn Monroe. Vincent VanGogh. Sigmund Freud. Spalding Grey. Frida Kahlo. Shakir Stewart (Def Jam). Cleopatra. Junior Seau. Roy Raymond (founder, Victoria's Secret). Socrates. Sylvia Plath. Hunter S. Thompson. L'Wren Scott. Virginia Woolf. Abbie Hoffman. David Carradine. Wendy O. Williams. Mary Kay Bergman (SouthPark voices) Robert Enke (soccer).

These are the suicides you hear about in the media. Because of their accomplishments and talent, their suicides supercede the hushed rule in newsrooms throughout...
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Alcoholism

Take off your watch. It’s making you depressed.

I don't wear a watch. I have watches, very nice watches, in fact. I don't even know where they are - probably in a drawer somewhere.

I don't wear a watch because I have a thing with time. I learned early on in my recovery from alcoholism and depression that "time" was a problem for me. A very big problem.

I didn't realize my "time" problem until a friend in recovery asked me one day, "What time is it?" I looked at my watch and told him the time. Then he asked again, "what time is it?" And I looked at my watch again and told him the time.

"No," he said. "What TIME is it?"

I looked at him like he was crazy and said, "I don't know. You tell me, what time is it?"

"Now," he said. I had a D'oh Homer Simpson moment and then understood what he was trying to tell me. I was not in the present. "That's why I don't wear a watch," he said.
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Coping with Depression

Depression: How do you tell your boss you can’t work?

I went back to work last week. I had been off several weeks after a tough, two-week, out-of-town assignment that brought me to my knees on the edge of my black hole.

In all, I was gone five weeks - some pre-planned vacation and some comp time. Still, when you're out of the office for that long, for any reason, people are going to wonder why you have been gone so long.

If you don't have a mental illness - whether it's depression or alcoholism or an anxiety disorder - you've probably never been confronted with these questions: How do you call in sick when your mental illness prevents you from work? What do you say when you go back to work after an extended absence  because of your mental illness?

When you have to answer these questions, you realize how much stigma there is about mental illness.

If you had to take off a couple of weeks because you had pneumonia, you would simply tell your boss that you could not work because you had pneumonia. But what do you say when your depression prevents you from working? How do you call in sick with depression?

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Alcoholism

Mentally ill now and forever…amen.

Every now and then I get a glimpse of what my mental illnesses look like.

It's been a long time. I have taken my medications without fail for years.  I exercise, eat healthy foods, get as much sleep as I can, visit my psych-nurse practitioner every three months and I get on my knees every night and thank God for my sobriety. In other word, I do what I am told - an unnatural act for me.

But for the last two weeks I have been under an unconscionable amount of stress. I say "unconscionable" because I allowed it to happen.

As a reporter for a daily newspaper, I am accustomed to stress. For nearly 30 years I have lived with a deadline hanging over my head. I took six weeks off to have a baby, 8 weeks for my last major depression but other than the one- or two-week vacations, I have had a deadline over my head.

Recently, I accepted  an assignment which today I realize I should not  have done. I agreed to leave my home and my dog, suspend my exercise routine and healthy eating habits and forego nights of 8-hours of sleep to cover the Florida legislature's last two-weeks in session.

I did this once before, nearly 30 years ago when reporters were only expected to write a story for the newspaper. Now, we must also Tweet, blog and make videos. Despite my degree in political science, after 30+ years in journalism, I'm kinda disallusioned with politics.

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Coping with Depression

As she lay dying: Depression and my mother’s sad memories

Shortly before my mother went into hospice we sat alone together in her bedroom and she said: "If you want to ask me anything you should ask me now."

I was stunned.

My mother had rarely spoken about her childhood. She grew up on a farm in northern Wisconsin. They did not have hot water and she and her three sisters and two brothers took baths one-by-one in a tub in water that had been warmed on a stove. You wanted to be the first in line to get the cleanest, warmest water, she used to tell me. They didn't have much money. They worked hard. They churned their own butter.

I could not recall her ever speaking about her father - my grandfather, who died when I was very young. About all I knew was that he drank a lot. So I asked. She rattled off stories - none of them happy or funny. He took all six kids to school in the morning and then started drinking. She had seen him drunk, sitting on a curb. She was so embarrassed that if she needed to go past his watering hole she would take a different route to avoid seeing him.

He took the money she had saved to buy herself a car. When she announced she was going to college - the only one of the four girls in the family who did - he kicked her out. Women didn't need a college education, she recalled him saying. She went on to get a Bachelor's and a Master's degree.

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General

Depression as fashion…not

I have a few questions about Urban Outfitters controversial "Depression" shirt - like who the heck would wear that?

You've got a cropped t-shirt (who even wears those anymore?) covered the word "depression" in a busy pattern of different size letters. In the t-shirt's defense, "Depression" is the name of the clothing line. Really? Who names their clothing line after a mental illness? What's next?

Well, I don't know what's next but I can tell what the last shirt that got Urban Outfitters in trouble. It's the one that said "Eat Less" on an emaciated teenager. REALLY? I mean, REALLY? You tell me that there was a photo shoot at some studio and the stylists put an "Eat Less" t-shirt on an emaciated teenage model and SOMEONE in the studio didn't say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not cool. We can't do this!"

And there is some buyer at Urban Outfitters (who apparently didn't get the memo about the Eat Less shirt) who saw the Depression t-shirt and thought, "Ooooo! We just have to carry that shirt!"

Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of the stuff that Urban Outfitters sells. In fact, I just got a pair of tangerine Chuck Taylors for $10. Obviously, I don't have much fashion sense but I love a good deal. But what little fashion sense - and common sense - I have were thoroughly insulted by the "Depression" t-shirt.
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Coping with Depression

How’s that New Year’s resolution working for you?

I don't do resolutions but apparently a lot of people do because the gym was packed this morning.

If something needs to change, I change it. Relying on a number on a calender has never worked for me. Trust me. I've tried it. You can ask any alcoholic and they will tell you they have set deadlines and then either missed them or got sober for a few weeks and then they're back at it.

It's the same with dieting. If you can go ON a diet, you can go OFF a diet. You want to lose weight or quit smoking or drinking, you just do it - not because it's a certain day of the year. Because it needs to be done and every cell in your body is convinced of that truth. In the words of the philosophers at Nike: Just do it.

Of course if you are as hard headed as I am, it may take some time to convince yourself that you really need to make a change. In fact, I brain has concocted truly ridiculous arguments  to prove to myself that I didn't need to quit drinking, take antidepressants or see a therapist.

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