Archives for Coping with Depression

Coping with Depression

Depression relief: Why standing-up matters

Sometimes, getting vertical is the hardest thing to do when we you are depressed. Just getting up - off the couch or out of bed - is a major accomplishment. Getting up and out the door is monumental.

In my last depression, I forced myself to do this. I knew that shutting myself in would only make the depression worse. Of course, I had the fear that if someone saw me out and about they would accuse me...
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Coping with Depression

The importance of passion

If we want people to take us and our mental illnesses seriously, then we have to take them seriously. Unfortunately, it's a little more involved than just taking some pills in the morning.

For me, this has meant figuring out the things I do that turn on and off certain chemicals in brain. I did years of therapy to deal with my emotions - especially anger. I learned part of my depression is anger turned inward.

I had to learn how to eat and sleep well - watching carbs, especially sugar consumption, which can spike my blood sugar levels causing quick highs and lows. I had to learn how to exercise in moderation because I tend to be a teeny bit extreme when it comes to working out.

I do not drink alcohol. I do not do dairy or gluten - which cause inflammation and make me feel old -something I DO NOT LIKE AT ALL! And sleep - ahhhh sleep. Eight hours, minimum with 20-minute power naps when needed. One day a week I sleep until my body wakes me up - usually after 10-12 hours.
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Coping with Depression

Should I let a lovely day at the beach ruin my mental health?

I have a rash and it is messing with my head.

I have had this rash for three weeks now. Two trips to the dermatologist and a biopsy and still, its cause is unknown. It is definitely an allergic reaction but to what, no one knows. My diet, soaps, lotions, animals in my life have not changed.

Obviously, this rash is frustrating. Constant itching, little bumps and more itching. I have tried every anti-itch cream on the market and everyone's home remedies.

But here is the real problem with this rash - it has forced me to take and perhaps take away the medication I need to protect my mental health.
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Coping with Depression

Crying to prevent my depression

My life improved when I accepted crying as a body function - like blowing your nose or peeing. I never worried that someone might think I was a wuss because I blew my nose. So, why is water coming from my eyes considered a weakness and peeing is not?

I got to pondering this enigma after a major depression that followed the death of my parents - 16 months apart - and then the death of my dog 8 months later. It took a couple years after these losses for the depression to really kick in. But when it did, it kicked in hard.

What I learned in my recovery was that I hadn't grieved properly. When sorrow smothered me, I stuffed it. When sadness came on me at work, I flung myself at a project to stop the tears. I was not going to cry - at least not in public. Of course, it's okay to cry right after someone dies or at the funeral. But not two months or two years later.

Get a grip. Suck it up. Enough already.
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Alcoholism

My closet filled with little boxes of bad deeds

In my mind there is a closet. It has one shelf and I must stand on my tip-toes to reach the little brown boxes on it.

I don’t reach for those boxes often because what is in those boxes scares the hell out of me. Each box contains a memory of an event that I wish had never happened or that I pray never will happen.

I only pull one of those boxes down and unwrap it when I know I need to. One box hold the memory of a car accident I had while drinking more than 30 years ago. I wrapped a 1972 Gran Torino – a massive vehicle – around a telephone pole.
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Coping with Depression

Celebrating a decade, depression-free

I celebrate three dates every year: August 27, 1998 - my sober birthday; December 18, 19?? - my belly-button birthday and April 26, 2005 the day my depression swallowed me whole.

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years since my last major depression. I have had ups and downs but for 10 years now, there has been a floor below me and ceiling above me. I credit my medications for those gifts.

When I first started taking them...
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Bipolar

The tao of depression for a journalist

About 15 years ago the newspaper where I work sent me to a number-crunching boot camp, where I learned how to analyze data. I became a geek.

As journalism morphed from the old fashioned pen, notebook and musty records at the courthouse to the internet's ability to gather mountains of data in the blink of an eye, my geekiness blossomed. I attended more bootcamps on advanced statistics and mapping.

I added SQL, shapefiles and string functions to my arsenal of reporting skills. My brain changed, too. I could feel it. A portion of my brain that had been slacking was now firing. I thought differently. It's hard to explain.

The analytical side of my brain teamed up with the creative side and my thinking became three-dimensional. The skies parted and I realized that 3+2 and 4+1 both equaled 5. There were suddenly many solutions to the same problem. This revelation came fast and hard and not without severe consequences.
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Alcoholism

Depression, obsession and rumination

I once heard a guy say that he tries to wear his life like a comfortable old t-shirt. I like that and I've been trying to do it lately but I think I must have shrunk that t-shirt in the dryer because it's tight as hell right now.

From the outside you might not notice that my comfy t-shirt has morphed into a corset. But from the inside, it feels like it has. I'm carrying around this intensity right now - for work, for working-out and even for finishing the entire seven-season series Sons of Anarchy.

I am driven. I can't seem to slow down my thoughts. One thought leads to another and another and another. It makes me good at what I do - newspaper reporting - but it's not good for my mental health. It's a constant tugging - intellectually I want to slow down - instinctually I want to speed up.
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Coping with Depression

Father forgive me for I have sinned and have depression

I am guilty. I'm not sure what I'm guilty of but I'm certain I am guilty. I was brought up Catholic and went to a Catholic elementary school.

The nuns taught us about the different kinds of sins - venial sins, a sort of lesser gateway sin that wouldn't send us directly to hell, unlike mortal sins - like killing someone - which would send us directly to hell. You would burn in hell for eternity no matter how many Hail Mary's you said. Of course, as second- and third-graders, we hadn't committed any mortal sins but they were out there.

And there were those poor little babies who died before they were baptized. They ended up in limbo - heaven's waiting room. They didn't get into heaven because there original sin hadn't been washed away by pouring some water over their little heads. So, your parents better get your little brother baptized or he could END UP IN LIMBO!!!

I got so scared of being bad and had convinced myself that I WAS bad that as soon as I was able,, I went to confession.  In fact, I went to confession so much that they told me I didn't  have to go so much - which was a huge relief because as a little kid I had better things to do than keep a running tally of my venial sins.

I haven't gone to confession in years. I like to think I dial direct. When I feel guilty, which is still a lot, I deal directly with God.
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