It’s Wednesday. Time to fill my weekly pill dispenser. I open a drawer that holds three brown prescription bottles filled with three months worth of my medications.

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I drop pills into each compartment and then snap them shut. I tuck my hot-pink pill dispenser beside the coffee maker on my kitchen counter – out of plain sight but not to be missed when I pour the day’s first cup of coffee.

Last week I went to my first 12-step meeting for the “dually-blessed” – those of us who have alcoholism AND another mental illness (Yes, Virginia, alcoholism REALLY IS A MENTAL ILLNESS. The American Medical Association said so in 1957.)

It was the first time in a long time that I felt free to talk about ALL my mental illnesses – alcoholism and bipolar II (hypomania) without someone shooting me an evil look. If you think the stigma of mental illness is strong “out there” you should see it in the recovery community.

Every time I write about this I hear from dual-diagnosed recovered alcoholics who live in an enlightened community – such as Boston – who insist this discrimination does not exist. But let me tell you, it is real. The gist is this: you are not truly clean and sober if you take any “mind altering” medications – such as anti-depressants, mood stabilizers or anti-psychotics.

Other recovered alcoholics take little jabs at us.

“I never chewed my beer.”

“I have managed to stay sober without the big bottle or little bottle.”

“…and I have not taken any mood altering substances in my xx years of sobriety.”

My response: “Well, good for you.”  But in my head I am thinking, “Maybe you should have.”

There persists – despite decades of peer-reviewed research, anecdotal proof and the admission of LSD use by AA founder Bill Wilson – ignorance in the recovery community about the use of antidepressants and mood stabilizers. They backhand us with their belief that we are not clean and sober because we take psychotropic medications for other mental illnesses.

I am dual-diagnosed. I have bipolar disorder coupled with substance abuse. My favorite substance to abuse is alcohol but over the years I have also been addicted to marijuana, exercise and work. I have been in recovery for nearly 12 years but I have one addiction that I can’t seem to shake: Oil.

Every time I hear President Obama or Thomas Friedman or some other pundit or politician tell me that I am addicted to oil, I think of my other addictions. How did I recover from them? Prayer. 12-step program. Therapy. Friends. Medications. A lot of humble pie.

What I did not do – ever – was blame my dealer/supplier. It wasn’t his fault. I am the addict.

Where the heck was Dr. Marisa M. Silveri when I was 14 years old and I needed someone to smack me upside the head with a really good reason not to drink and smoke pot?

(Wait a minute. I just did the math. Dr. Silveri hadn’t even been born when I was 14 years old! Forget I asked that question.)

I spent last Thursday afternoon with Dr. Silveri at the Brain Imaging Center at McLean Hospital, just outside of Boston. Dr. Silveri teaches at Harvard Medical School, like most of the doctors at McLean. She is brilliant, like most of the other doctors at McLean. And she is completely, thoroughly and totally into her research: The adolescent brain.

If there is one thing you can say about actress Glenn Close, it’s that she has a very cool sister. And her sister, Jessie Close, has a couple of great kids and laid-back service pup named Snitz.

The Close family wants everyone to know that mental illness is a family disease. It can destroy, bankrupt and embarrass families. Or — as in the case with the Close family — it can bring them together to fight the illness and the stigma, which can cause as much suffering as the illness.

So, there they were last Friday night on a stage in Boston – Glenn, Jessie, Jessie’s daughter, Mattie Close-Davis, Jessie’s son, Calen Pick and  and Snitz, being honored  by the prestigious McLean Hospital — a Harvard affiliate chock-full of renown psychiatrists, therapists and researchers. They looked like any happy family — except Glenn is a movie star, Jessie is an alcoholic with bipolar, her son has schizo-affective disorder and her daughter is a healthy young lady who thoroughly supports her family.

Four years ago when I was diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder, the clouds parted and my life finally made sense. I did a timeline of my life with my therapist and bingo, there it was — my alcoholism, depression and mania had been singing in perfect harmony as I plowed through the chaos that I had called my life.

The amazing thing is how far back we were able to trace the illnesses. I started swimming competitively when I was 7. I swam hard and fast. I liked the way it made me feel. My coach and parents and teammates cheered me on. Swimming made me feel part of something — and I finally fit in with the other kids. At 14-years-old, I had had enough of swimming back and forth, staring at a black line on the bottom of the pool. I slid into a teenage wasteland and the endorphins stopped working.

I think I would like to go to rehab.

I didn’t go to rehab when I got sober in 1998. I went to the local AA clubhouse, which was a former Shriner’s clubhouse with a spiffy wood bar (promptly converted to a coffee shop) and a meeting room that seemed large  enough to drive around in little cars. I love my AA clubhouse and have had some wonderful times there. It had a major overhaul a couple of years ago and now features a nice pool table, a flat, large screen television above a fireplace, pin ball machines, a public access computer, and a lovely little cafe. Did I mention the coffee? We have cappuccino, too.

Still, I think it might be kind of nice to go to rehab. I don’t need it but I hear other recovering alcoholics talk about their rehabs like they’re sororities or  spas and I think I could use 30 days to “work on myself” … and my tan. I got the idea while trying to plan a vacation. I wanted to find a resort or spa for recovered alcoholics. A place where we could go and continue and expand our programs with lectures and seminars and yoga and massages and pedicures and really great healthy food. Meetings morning, noon and night. Movies. Tennis. Group meditations and long walks on the beach. Wouldn’t that be great?

Step 9: ”Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

What I heard Tiger Woods say today was not a ploy to win back his wife, kids and sponsors. It was not penance. It was not superficial. It was a 9th step.

I have no proof that Tiger is in a 12-step treatment program besides what I have seen and heard. Tiger was in a Mississippi treatment center for 45 days. Among the staff is a renown expert in sex addiction whose treatment plan is based on a 12-step program. By going live on international TV, Tiger made  ”direct” amends to his legions of fans, critics, business partners, employees and  friends. He could have taken an easier, softer way and made an amends via a press release, email or blog. But that would not have been a “direct” amends. A “direct” amends is humbling and often humiliating.

A 9th step prohibits laying blame on others. You won’t hear a “yeah, but …” in a 9th step. It is about honestly assessing our role in a wrong and taking responsibility for what WE have done and not the harm others have done to us. So if your wife comes at you with a golf club and bashes in the back window of your SUV after she learns that you have had multiple affairs during your marriage, you don’t blame her. You look at YOUR side of the street and the harm YOU have done.