This is my brain. This is my bipolar brain on caffeine.

By Christine Stapleton

I had a big D’uh moment yesterday.

I woke up with a nasty cold and decided to work from home. I had a lot to do and so to stave off a nap-a-thon I had two cups of caffeinated coffee when I got up. I have weaned myself off my morning mainline of joe. It wasn’t easy. I couldn’t trick my brain into thinking the decaf was regular. Funny how an addict’s brain knows the real deal.

Anyway, by late morning my bed was looking mighty tempting so I pulled out a liter of Diet Coke leftover from a party. I recently quit caffeinated diet soda (pop) which I used to keep me awake in the afternoon.

After lunch I began to feel weird. I noticed my hands were a little shaky on the keyboard. I was bouncing from one task to another, then forgetting what I was looking for in a dump of data. I was actually getting a lot of work done but the pace felt wrong. I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. It was the frickin’ caffeine!

D’uh.

Bipolar and caffeine don’t mix – at least not in my body. I know when I am working on a story that I am really into that I get jazzed. Yesterday I was working on two stories that I was really into, so I was double jazzed. Not a good idea to suck down a stimulant when I am already naturally pumped by the nature of my work.

But I assumed I would need a pick up – which I obviously did not need. Instead of listening to my body, I told it what it needed. I felt yucky and I looked like I was six months pregnant after drinking nearly a liter of Diet Coke.

It’s my addict/alcoholic thinking – “Yea, you better pound a few now because you’re going to need it later” – coupled with my bipolar disorder, which doesn’t need a jump start. So, I am drinking a cup of decaf right now. Ix-nay on the ofee-cay today.

Christine Stapleton has been a reporter for The Palm Beach Post for 23 years and in 2006, began writing a column entitled, Kicking Depression.

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2 Comments to
“This is my brain. This is my bipolar brain on caffeine.”

Alex at 9:23 pm on February 3rd, 2010

Haha. I know how this feels. I am always forgetting to put down my Venti Cinamon dolce Latte from Starbucks. Later in the day though, I remember that latte. “Rawr!” Is somehting I might say lol.

Mellisa at 2:52 pm on February 17th, 2010

That’s funny. I guess I never really thought about it from that side of things. However I did have a duh moment of my own yesterday. I could feel the downswing/depression coming on for a few weeks, but most profoundly a couple of days ago. I have a young child at home, so taking a nap a thon is out of the question. So my duh moment was “go have some coffee”. I had pretty much quit caffeine 4 years ago when I was pregnant.
The coffee/caffeine has really helped me achieve a baseline that gives me some clarity and I am not so depressed today.
Moderation is the best policy. But then again, that’s quite difficult at times, in just about every area of life.
I will heed your advice though when things go back on the upswing.
Mel